Through the Rain
by wolfnation
Summary: A Ryan and Marissa future fic that will start from college facing life's challenges and exploring the dynamic of their relationship whether they're together or apart. UPDATED
1. The Roommate

A/N This is my first story I've had planned for a little while now. It will focus mainly on Ryan and Marissa and is a future fic that will start off with the four in college where they all miraculously end up in Berkeley. I've take some liberties of changing a little bit of the past, such as Ryan and Marissa never breaking up over the Johnny situation, but it pretty much starts off on a different tangent which hopefully won't need to much explanation as I don't go on much about the things that have happened in the past on the show. I'm also not from the U.S. so forgive me if my descriptions of anything are a little off. Please read and review. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks.

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"Roommate wanted. Two bedroom apartment; fully furnished; applicant must be non-smoker, non-ugly, and female". Ryan looks up at Marissa clearly unimpressed.

"Hey two out of three isn't bad", she replied optimistically as she mindlessly drank her earl grey tea and read the latest Vogue.

It was a beautiful autumn day and the pair was sitting down at a local café just outside of the campus just enjoying each others company. Ryan was in the middle of searching for a new place to live while Marissa caught up on the season's trends.

Ryan continued to browse through the apartment listings. "My current room-mate has tendencies to have neurotic outbursts combined with loud music that seems to stem from Satan. There are no other dorm-rooms available for God knows how long. I'm really going to go crazy. Is there no screening process for dorm applicants?" He verbalized his frustration.

Marissa looked up amused, "Like, non neurotic-non satanic?" she said with a slight giggle taking another sip of her beverage.

"Very funny, Cooper."

"I'd go find a place with you and go halves, but I can't afford anything but the dorms really…" she smiled. "What about Seth and Summer's?" Marissa offering up another suggestion as a waiter comes past to clear their plates.

Ryan continued to cross off listings with his red marker, "I don't want impose, nor do I want to hear any sex reverberating through the walls. Plus, I think I've lived with him long enough." Ryan smiled slightly.

"Well my roommate is going out of town for a couple weeks, some family stuff, so you can crash on the futon if you want. It may help 'til you find something more permanent." Marissa kindly offered, setting down her magazine. She looked up raising her eyebrows awaiting a response.

Ryan looked up, considering for a moment, "Uh yeah that'd be really great. Thanks." He smiled. "Are you sure you don't mind?"

"Of course not. Ooh! You know what I'm thinking?" Marissa said excitedly.

Ryan, returning his focus back to the newspaper, obvious to what's about to follow. "The answer is No."

"You haven't even heard what I was going to say!" she expressed with slight offence.

Ryan inclined his head to one side looking up at her. "I know what you're already thinking Riss." 'Me staying over means movie night, means The Notebook…and then I skipped ahead and said no.' He stated bluntly.

Marissa opened her mouth in attempts to give her rebuttal. "It wasn't The Notebook necessarily."

He looked at her, "It was The Notebook", and looked back down again.

"Okay, it was, but it's something you can watch over and over…Come on Ryan", she said sweetly.

"Maybe", he said in hopes his answer will suffice.

"Good enough." She took one last sip of her tea and packed her magazine away in her bag. "I better go. I need to get to the library. Just drop by later okay."

"Yep, I'll see you later."

She grabbed her belongings and left some money on the table. "Bye". She said as she leant over to him and gave him a peck on the forehead.

While to an onlooker they may seem like a well-balanced couple, the truth is, Ryan and Marissa broke up after high school. They both decided that they would take some time apart, not because their love for each other was fading, but rather just a mutual decision where they understood that they needed to try and be independent for a while as they attempt to grasp themselves around college. Leaving their relationship open-ended, it was an unspoken agreement that meant they may see other people, they may get back together, but they also may not. Only time will tell. For now they remain the closest of friends with the greatest respect for each other.

&&&

Meanwhile, in a quaint apartment by the heart of San Francisco, Seth and Summer were scattered across their lounge room attempting to assemble an entertainment unit for their place.

Summer was doing most of the assembly work and she had been constructing away hidden amongst the boards and shelving. "Cohen! Ninety-degree corner clamp stat." She called out from behind.

Seth looks to the floor where a plethora of tools are sprawled, examining each tool with a vacant expression. "I can't find it."

She quickly pops her head out then in quickly, "It's there next to the T-Bevel."

Seth steps carefully trying to find the right object. He looks to the instruction manual hoping to decipher some answers from the abbreviated language. He takes a shot and picks up the first thing he sees and hands it to Summer.

"Cohen, that's a C-Clamp", and she hands it back.

Attempt number two, he again picks up another random item.

"That's the vice grip. I said the Ninety-degree corner clamp." She shifts her position and forces herself to get up and retrieve the item herself. "Seth you pansy, it's right here."

Sarcastically, Seth refutes, "See I thought you wanted the Eighty-nine-degree corner clamp, that's a different story".

"Oh by the way we're doing movie night at Marissa's, she called earlier and Ryan will be there too."

"Ooh, a little tribute to Marvel and maybe afterwards a little Goonies."

Summer came out from behind their three dimensional project and grabbed a level to make sure it was all straight. "I've finished!" she exclaimed triumphantly.

"Now, now Summer, there's no 'I' in 'Team'". He said whilst sitting down on the couch and patting the spot next to him inviting her to sit.

"No, but there's a 'U' in 'Useless'", she obliged taking a seat as he wrapped his arms around her. "It's okay Cohen, I'm sure I can find some painting for you to do." She looked up at him and smiled as he kissed her lightly, and they sat admiring Summer's work.

&&&

Marissa made her trip to the library short as she figured she should tidy the place up a bit before Ryan got there. She didn't really know what she was trying to hide or prove to him, because he's seen her place at its worst before, but felt the need to make an effort this time. She dropped her keys on the stand by the door and scanned her dorm in its entirety. Feeling slightly overwhelmed she thought about where to start first, and she began with the main living area. For the next hour she sifted through the mess and threw out her garbage, she sorted magazines, and looked for sheets and other linens for Ryan to sleep. The hour after, she spent washing the dishes and cleaning the kitchen, and then ensured the bathroom was orderly.

She walked past her bedroom then immediately took a step back, looking at her room thinking if there's anything she needed to do with it. Not that she thought Ryan would have any need to go in there, but in the event he might by some off chance, she entered her room and took a quick glance as she remembered her shelves that contained a large collection of photographs.

Walking over to them she browsed the images and noted the ones with just Ryan and her when they had been dating. She contemplated over leaving them up or taking them down. She doesn't really recall why she had put them up in the first place, when she had done so after they already decided to take a break. Marissa didn't want to deny that he held a special place in her heart and would always, but she thought maybe leaving them up would seem kind of pathetic, and by the off chance he did see them, he would think she couldn't move on like they had planned to.

Marissa decided, and began to take the photos of her and Ryan off her shelf. Carefully setting them down she sat on the edge of her bed and bent down to pick up a photo album that lay on the very bottom shelf. She grabbed a set of random photos that contained her and Summer, or of their little quartet, some with her parents, and began sliding each photo out with Ryan one by one out of its respective frame; slowly replacing it with another.

Placing the photo frames back in their place with its new residing images, she didn't know if she should even put back the photos of Ryan and her back into the photo album. Not that it meant nothing to her, but was it appropriate for their relationship status now? She walked to her closet and grabbed a small box from the top, deciding that she would leave the photos here for the time being; not disregarding it completely, but setting it aside until a time may come that it would be appropriate for her to publicly display the love they had for each other once again.

A knock came at the door disrupting her thoughts. She took a deep breath and placed the lid over an image of two people that were smiling at each other as they looked deep into the others' eyes. "Coming." She called out, as she propped the box back into place on her way out.

&&&

Marissa made her way to answer the door and found Ryan carrying a large bag and a few textbooks in hand.

"Hey! Wasn't expecting you so soon", Marissa said as she offered a warm smile that he also returned.

"Hey, just brought a few things to get by on, anything else I need I'll just go back up, but as long as I'm not spending copious amounts of time trying to live there, I'll be ok."

She stepped back to give him enough space to come in. "Oh, you can just go through to Kyle's room, I asked if you could stay in her room and she's totally cool with it; Beats crashing on a futon". Marissa grabbed the books off his hands and followed him. "Try not to move a lot of stuff around, she can be a little pedantic".

Upon opening the door to Kyle's room he was taken slightly aback. It looked remarkably like Summer's old room, but ten times more feminine.

"Yeah, I know it's girly" Marissa smiled.

"Yeah just a little, but its fine, thanks", he gave a small laugh.

Marissa walked over to Kyle's systematic study table and set his books down. "I'm gonna order some Thai for dinner, any requests? Seth and Summer are also coming over by the way."

"No, whatever you get is fine. Seth and Summer? He queried as he began taking his belongings out of the bag.

"Yeah I invited them – movie night, remember?"

"Hey wait I thought that was a maybe."

"Maybe – Yes. What's the difference?" She asked innocently and proceeded out the door, leaving him to get settled.

Ryan shook his head and just smiled to himself. Watching her walk out the door he thought about whether or not this would become awkward. It would only be a couple weeks he thought, but the whole point of their time apart was to be apart, and now it feels like he sees her just as much, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. He shrugged it off.

A short while later Seth and Summer arrived, casually letting themselves in without any intention of knocking. Ryan walked out into the living area having just had a shower, and Marissa was preparing the take-out onto plates in the kitchen.

"Don't you guys knock?" Ryan questioned them.

Summer brushed it off like it was a pointless question, "Why? It's not like anyone would be having sex here."

Seth looked over at Marissa preparing dinner, "Wow Marissa, nothing says Movie night like Beef Rendang and Pad Thai. Ever heard of Pizza?" Seth said sarcastically as he took a spot on the sofa; Summer following his lead.

Marissa looked up not amused, "Ever heard of 'No dinner for you?'"

That night they ran through The Notebook, The Hulk, and The Goonies. Most of that time, Seth and Summer had been making out on the three-seater, while Marissa and Ryan sat on single armchairs at opposite ends of the relentless couple. Ryan and Marissa would occasionally stare at them in disgust and clearing their throats in attempts to make it stop.

Ryan cleared his throat once again, and Seth quickly came up for air "Marissa, go make out with Ryan he's feeling left out", and as quickly as he came up for air, he went under again.

Ryan didn't know whether he was red out of embarrassment or anger. For Marissa, she was definitely red out of embarrassment.

After the last movie, Seth and Ryan made their way outside to the trash chute to throw out the take-out containers.

Seth thought to himself about how to approach Ryan about the endless situations that may derive from Ryan staying with Marissa. He was in a flighty mood and was really only looking to put Ryan on the spot for fun.

"Let me paint you a picture." Seth began with a smile

Ryan turned his head around to see what he was going on about. "What is it Seth?"

"She's alone, in bed, sleeping, suddenly she wakes up from an awful dream. 'What should I do' she thinks to herself. She gets up and heads for your room, 'Ryan will know what to do' she says"

Ryan proceeds to shove down the garbage finding himself become more irritated by Seth's rambling.

Seth continues, "…then you say…" putting his best attempts at a more masculine voice "Marissa, what's wrong, are you okay baby?"

Now tweaking his voice to sound like Marissa "Oh no Ryan, I had a… I had a terrible dream!"

Attempting again to become Ryan, "Its okay Marissa, you can sleep with me tonight, Ryan will make it better, you just need something to take your mind off it". Seth returning to his normal voice as Ryan is just staring waiting for his little story to end. "You stare into each other's eyes, her hand brushes up against your leg, you feel a sensation, you like it, she likes it, the room begins to heat up. Ryan and Marissa make love and live happily ever after. The End."

"Firstly, I don't refer to myself in the third person, secondly…" he walks past Seth shoving him along the way.

Seth calls out after him "Hey don't take it out on me, this is just like the early morning kitchen rendezvous of '05. It could happen."

Ryan continued walking, while Seth threw out the one container he even bothered to hold and ran to catch up with Ryan.

&&&

While the boys were taking out the garbage, Summer took her queue to prod Marissa for some answers. Marissa began to dry dishes as Summer put them back in its rightful place.

"Coop, what is this?" Summer posed her rhetorical question.

Marissa turned away from what she'd been doing to look at her. "umm…can opener?" she said plainly.

Summer narrowed her eyebrows in confusion and shook her head, "No, I meant this –" she said with hand gestures to match signaling the entire room.

Marissa looked at her vacantly.

"The situation; what's with Ryan staying here? What are you trying to do to yourself?"

Marissa rolled her eyes knowing very well where this conversation was heading. "We've been doing great as friends for the past couple of months, you guys are the only one's that think we can't do it, but we're doing it aren't we?"

"We all know you guys will find some way to get together, so why don't you just save yourselves the time?"

"We didn't say we'd necessarily get back together, we're just taking time apart and seeing how things go."

Summer questioned, "By him staying over a couple weeks is time apart?"

Marissa knew it sounded stupid, but she just wanted to help him out as friends. On a subconscious level, was she doing this for other reasons? Was she silently hoping something would come of it to undo what they did those months ago?

&&&

Marissa began to doubt she made the right decision in inviting him. The more she thought about it, the more she felt uncomfortable. Normally she would casually strut around and inadvertently flirt with him without it meaning anything to her; these couple of weeks were meant to be a breeze, but she felt it was anything but.

Marissa came back to her place after having a long Monday with lecturers pounding information into her, turning Marissa into a drone by the end of the day.

In the last year of high school, Marissa didn't really know what she wanted to do with herself. She had no idea what she was passionate about, nothing really stood out to make a career out of it. She took a chance and adopted a communications degree in advertising and editorial, sub majoring in design; she even had a class that she shared with Seth surprisingly. While Marissa loved fashion she didn't feel keen on designing it or that wearing it down a runway was for her. She thought one day she may like to work in the art department for a fashion magazine, so she went with this.

She grabbed her mail on the way at the base of her building and made her way up the lifts. Tired, she lazily walked in straight to the kitchen and put the kettle to boil, walked to her room taking her jacket off and setting her things down.

She grabbed a change of clothes and soon after came out in comfortable shorts and a tank and headed for the bathroom to freshen up.

"AAAaahhhh!" she shrieked as her instincts told her to cover her eyes immediately.

Ryan stood naked in the shower with the curtain only halfway drawn, going with his gut reaction to cover himself with the first thing he grabbed, which was the sponge. "Riss! Shut the door!"

She shut it immediately, leant up against the door and smacked herself on the forehead. She felt flushed and wanted to crawl into a corner.

Marissa made her way back to the kitchen and continued with her initial plan to make coffee. If she thought things weren't awkward yet, they were now.

Ryan came out ten minutes later, now fully clothed. He walked to the main living area trying not to make eye contact. The air was thick with silence so Marissa took the first step.

"Look about… that" while trying to avoid his gaze, and not to mention his crotch.

"Look it's okay, it's an honest mistake" he said in attempts to waiver it off.

She nodded quietly and silence began to fill the air again.

"Oh guess what… I think I found a place." Ryan began.

Marissa's jaw dropped the tiniest ounce.

He continued, "Yeah I'm going to go check it out tomorrow, I called ahead and they said to come by in the evening, they must work in the day or whatever. It's not that far away, I checked on the map, Francisco street not too far from Seth and Summer's, and it's only half an hour from the campus, minus any traffic of course."

"That's great" she said with a smile, she was a little torn with a few emotions, happy she'll be comfortable in her own space once again, happy he might have found the right place for him, a little sad he won't be there aside from the awkwardness his presence created for her.

She kept a smile plastered for his benefit. "Coffee?"

&&&

After his last class, Ryan drove that evening to find his prospective new home. He pulled up to a sand brick building about five storey high. He walked up the floor-boarded flights of stairs stopping on the fourth floor. He surveyed the numbers on each door, turning round the corner following a short hallway and came to number 24.

He knocked on the door twice and awaited a response. After a few moments he tried again. Checking his watch to see it was only 5:40, he thought he'd just go visit Seth to waste time and try again later.

He approached apartment 10b and could hear Seth and Summer bickering about what sounded like the two trying to fix a disaster in the kitchen. As they did last week entering Marissa's without knocking, he allowed them the same courtesy and walked on in.

"Hey!" Summer howled, "You're meant to knock Chino!"

He had a smirk on his face "there's no sex going on here"

"Seth could've been naked", Summer refuted.

Ryan narrowed his eyebrows, and set his focus to the dead bird that sat burnt on a platter. "Like burning a chicken naked, what is this The Crucible?"

"Yes Goodie Proctor, that's exactly what it could've been" Seth spoke out. "What are you doing here anyway, we weren't expecting you."

Ryan took a seat on the stool by the counter-top, "Yeah I know, I'm going to go check out this new place I found a few blocks away actually. The person's not there yet, I was a little early, I'll try again in a bit."

"This chicken has had it, we're going to have to order in." Summer said as she left for the other room to make the call.

"Want me to come with you?" Seth offering to Ryan

"Why?" Ryan asked, unsure.

"You may need me"

"For..?"

Seth kept on whilst attempting to scrape the burnt pieces off the oven tray, "…protection. For all you know they could just put these ads out there to lure naïve people like yourself and bring you in to beat you up and take your money. Like a Von Doom of some sort." He persisted with his Fantastic Four reference.

Ryan looked up at Seth, "And…you're going to…protect me?" he finished slowly.

"Hey, next to you I'm the next best thing"

Ryan squinted his eyes and thought for a moment, "Actually, the next best thing is Summer."

Seth shook his head a realized he's not getting anywhere with this. "Fine, how about I'm bored and I just want to come okay."

"You could've just said that to begin with."

Summer soon walked back out, "Seth, can you go pick up the Chinese I ordered later, about 20 minutes."

"Yeah I'll pick it up on the way back after I go with Ryan to check out the place", Seth said.

Summer nodded slowly, "Why?"

"…Because I'm a sheltered little boy who needs to get out and play."

Ryan just shook his head.

Summer just ignored his last comment, "here's the money for the food", she said while taking a fifty out of her wallet. "I ordered extra. Ryan you're welcome to have dinner here."

"Thanks", Ryan grabbed his keys as he and Seth headed out the door.

Ryan pulled up once again to the sand brick apartment building. Seth gave it a once over. "Cozy."

For the second time he approached number 24 and knocked on the door as Seth waited in the background with his hands in his pockets staring at the ceiling light.

The door opened revealing a young woman about their age, shamelessly wearing nothing but her pink laced boy-leg underwear and a bra to match. She stood at 5"7' with her golden brown hair tied in a pony tail. Her sun-kissed skin, porcelain face, and toned figure made Ryan and Seth stand in awe. Eyes wide open and Seth's mouth slightly ajar, they were pleasantly shocked to see the girl who answered the door.

"Hi, I'm Sarah, sorry I just got off work and I was about to get changed." She smiled which shifted to a puzzled expression when the guys hadn't said anything.

"Definitely not Von Doom", said Ryan under his breath.

&&&


	2. The Spaces Between

A/N Thanks to people who took the time to read and review this. Here's the next part, hope you like it...

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Ryan got in late to Marissa's place that night. For after dinner he and Seth were play-stationing it like old times. His continuous focus on the television made his eyes weary by the end of the night. He walked in slowly careful not to make a noise, he accidentally dropped the keys making an audible clanking sound in the muted room. A sudden stir in the darkness alerted him. It was dark and he was unsure of whether to turn the light on or not. The moonlight that shone through the open window highlighted a lone figure. Marissa was curled up on the couch with a novel that was on the verge of leaving her clutches.

Ryan sighed with a small smile on his face, admiring her beauty as she looked vulnerable just laying there. He made his way closing the window as the cooler night air flowing in was making the room a little chilly. Walking over to where she was, he moved the hair away from her face and picked her up careful not to wake her. Like a small child she was draped in his arms, carefully watching his step he made it to her room and brought her to her bed, delicately laying her down and covering her body with the blanket. Ryan took one long look at her and headed out her bedroom door.

"Goodnight", he whispered, to no one in particular and he shut the door behind him.

With open eyes and her back turned, she heard him. "Goodnight." She said softly­­ to herself, closed her eyes and drifted back off to sleep.

&&&

"Hey!" Marissa greeted Ryan, "Wasn't expecting you."

"Yeah I know I finished up early today, my lecturer for industrial drawing was out, sick apparently." He began walking Marissa out of her class and offered to take her books.

"Oh thanks" she smiled kindly. "Thanks for transporting me yesterday" with a small laugh.

"Transporting? Oh… how did you..?"

"I figured considering I remembered falling asleep on the couch, but then waking up in my room."

He gave her a half smile acknowledging her appreciation.

"Want to go grab a bite to eat?" she asked casually.

"Yeah sure", he stopped suddenly remembering something, "just reminded me, I left a book in class"

It was never a mystery that Ryan's passion in life was architecture; it was just something he was always meant to do. He didn't know when or how he knew this is what he wanted to pursue, it just was that way for as long as he knew he wanted to do something with himself. It was probably having the ability to design and create something, and be able to see that creation come to life in a tangible form that attracted him.

"That's okay, I'll go back with you and then we'll go"

After picking up his book they walked through the yards of the University to where he had parked the car.

"Did everything go okay with the apartment?"

"Everything was great, the place was great, I can move in straight away so I'm going to take it; move my stuff over this weekend."

She nodded while opening the car door. "How's the new roommate?"

He paused a moment unsure how to answer. He knew he could be totally honest with Marissa, and she'd find out eventually, but did he honestly want to say to her he's moving in with a girl, a very attractive one at that; and he wasn't just moving in with her because she was attractive either, so he didn't want to give Marissa that impression also.

"It'll be hard competing with the last roommate" raising a side of his mouth producing his infamous half smile.

She laughed "Yeah that would've been tough, neurotic and plays obscene loud music."

Letting out a slight chuckle, he sighed and took a moment and looked at her "I meant you… I know we're not roommates-roommates, but you've been great… with everything, so I guess I'm just saying thanks."

For the first time in a number of days, she felt a sense of normalcy with him. There was no awkwardness in accepting his compliment and gratitude, no shying away from his eyes in which you could be easily lost in, no doubts that their friendship couldn't last. It was a breath of fresh air she desperately needed.

&&&Flashback&&&

The evening had begun as guests began to pour themselves into the Cohen mansion, it was the day of their graduation from high school and their parents thought it'd be a good idea to recognize their efforts by throwing them an intimate graduation dinner. Half of Newport was in attendance but still intimate by their standards. Summer was helping Seth pick out what to wear in his room, and Ryan sat in the pool-house reflecting on his metamorphosis over the past few years. He sat on the edge of the bed with his shirt collar opened and his tie hanging around his shoulders. Marissa tapped on the door lightly.

"Come in" he said nonchalantly.

"Hey." Marissa's beauty graced the room. She stepped inside wearing a cream Grecian styled dress that floated lightly as she walked, it was almost – angelic.

She sat next to him and took his hand in hers; he seemed burdened "Is everything okay?"

"You know how…you know how college is coming up… " he began as she listened intently.

"When I first came here, it was just all over the place, and everything just became a disaster wherever I went, and you were just this… Godsend that was willing to accept me, without really having known me… "

She smiled but didn't really know what he was getting at.

"I love you…you know that, and I may not say it enough but I hope you know that, because I do… a lot"

Her smile began to fade but nodded and supported him in what he was saying nonetheless, "I know you do…"

"Good…because I know you of all people would understand the reasons for… - with college coming up I just think its best we took a break…for a while." Ryan began to breathe heavily because he knew what he wanted he just wasn't sure how to say it. "We're complicated and that's not always bad, but I think it's just in the laws of nature that drama will follow us wherever we go, and I guess with starting this new – school, I want to find my place first, get settled", he paused, "…and it's not that It's college therefore I plan to meet new people and hook up with different girls…I just need this… time."

In her heart she understood why he wanted this, in some way he was asking to start over, not start their relationship over completely, but she knew he wanted a clean slate, define who he was now and not who he was three years ago. Marissa knew it was a good idea, if they were to last in the long run it was the right choice to give each other space. She sat there, a tear wanted to fall but she held it for his sake, she didn't want him to feel guilty about this, so she tried to bow out gracefully.

"I think that's a good idea."

He looked up surprised but quite happy on the inside as well that she agreed.

She persisted, "I think it'll be good for us, get some distance, get settled, and even if you do, or we do – meet new people, let's not think of it as a bad thing. I'm glad you said what you said, you're right, and I know it'll be okay."

He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and drew her in kissing the top of her head. They sat there a while longer, oblivious to the world that moved around them. Not saying a word, trying to convince themselves that they're doing the right thing, and it'll all work out in the end.

"Friends?" he gestured quietly

"Friends…, she replied.

&&&End Flashback&&&

&&&

It was Friday and Ryan decided to just stay in, he was almost done making dinner and wondered where Marissa was. He knew she didn't have class that day, but he left so early that morning he didn't get a chance to ask what she'd be getting up to. Come to think of it, he hadn't actually crossed paths with her since Wednesday after they ate out. He sat alone for dinner that night, eating his half of the pasta that was intended for the both of them.

It was getting late and the clock was about to hit 11 and not a word from his friend. Ryan grabbed his phone and dialed her cell.

"You've reached Marissa, leave a message and I'll call you back. Thanks."

'BEEP'

"Hey, just wanted to see if you were okay…bye." With that, Ryan hung up.

Ryan sat watching TV trying to figure out where she could've gone.

11.18

11.27

11.42

Midnight came and went and no sign of her. Ryan couldn't help but feel a little anxious. He felt uneasy, but he went to the bedroom and tried to get some sleep. He sat there for a while, worried, desperately hoping she was okay. There have been times he hadn't spoken to her in days without worrying if anything had happened to her, he didn't understand why this should be any different and that he couldn't just get on with it.

12.14

12.35

His eyelids became heavy and kept threatening to close; yawning for the umpteenth time.

12.56

He gave in.

1:03. The dishes had all been stacked away; The television was off and the throw rug neatly folded; The left over dinner was packed up in a dish in the refrigerator; The door was locked and Ryan was tucked away in bed; on the other side of the wall Marissa's sheets were still tidily kept without a crease, and no Marissa in sight.

&&&

The sun beamed down onto Ryan's face the next morning, he woke up to a blinding light having forgotten to draw the curtains before going to bed. He sat up rubbing his eyes, slowly he got out to go a brush his teeth. He splashes water on his face to wake himself up, remembering he would be packing up his old dorm room today. He proceeded to the kitchen to start on breakfast. It was when he noticed everything was how he left it the previous night that he remembered Marissa and became much more aware and awake. He quickly paced back and headed for her room to check if she was there. Ryan opened the door to find a still made up bed and his body sank.

Running his hands through his hair he wondered what happened to her and was about to call Seth and Summer when he heard the door open.

"Hey! I got breakfast – the Sandy Cohen special, bagels and cream cheese!" she said while holding up a bag of groceries.

Ryan didn't know how to react, he was so relieved upon seeing her face but a little bewildered that she just came in so blasé and unfazed.

She looked at him puzzled when he hadn't said a word yet. "Ryan?"

She broke his train of thought and he stuttered. "Uh…uh…yeah um… I tried calling your cell last night."

"Oh my God! Yeah I know I just got it this morning. Sorry, my battery died." She said sincerely. "Yeah I had to meet up with someone."

He didn't want to pry but he couldn't help but ask. "With who?"

"Oh I needed to meet up with someone from my design histories class."

"Anyone I know?" he continued

Marissa wasn't sure where he was going with all these questions, but she obliged and answered them.

"I don't think so, Sam Jeffries?"

Marissa began placed the bag on the kitchen table and started unpacking her bought items.

He shook his head indicating he didn't know. "What were you guys doing?" He then came over to help her store the strewn items away.

"Oh we totally forgot we had this assignment to do and so I went begging to the lecturer to give us until first thing today so we could work on it the rest of Thursday and Yesterday." She bit her lip and put a carton of milk in the fridge and wondered what was bothering Ryan this morning. "So that's why I left so early, to hand it in."

"Did you get any sleep?" he asked, digging for more information. Call it jealousy but he was genuinely worried, he hated to think she spent the night at some random guys' house.

"Yeah, it was late but I came back here around 2"

His ears perked up, "You slept here?"

"Yeah where else am I going to sleep?" she asked innocently

Surprised, "No I just thought… I saw your bed was made and… "

She wondered, "You went to my room..?"

Ryan didn't want to show the anxiety he had felt about her long absence and didn't know what to say, "Yeah I just, I just needed to borrow something so I checked if you were there earlier."

"I see", she let it go not wanting push further but got an inkling to the situation in front of her, she knew because she was feeling the same way earlier that week.

"Anyway, I'm going to go get my things in order." He said turning his back to her and walking in the direction of his temporary room.

A few minutes later Marissa knocked on his door, and nudged the door open to find Ryan placing his belongings back into his large bag.

"Hey" he said quietly.

She carried with her a coffee in one hand and a plate with a bagel rested on it in the other. "Hey" she said setting the plate down on the bedside table and offered the coffee up to Ryan. He took a sip and set it down next to the bagel.

"Thanks" Ryan said.

She took a deep breath, "consider it my peace offering" she paused for a moment, "thanks for worrying about me" giving him a heartfelt smile.

"I wasn't –", he denied, keeping his focus on what he had been doing to avoid getting into it further.

She stood up and placed her arms around his neck and rested her chin on his shoulder. "Yeah, yeah."

He was surprised at first but gave in and held her close to him. Memories began to flood their minds with all the times they had done this, just being together, not saying a word.

They stood there in the middle of the room, with his arms around her waist and her arms still around him. It wasn't an embrace that was looking for more, it was finding comfort; thanking the other for being there and for caring so much. It was honest, letting the other know there was still a place for them in each others lives, and that he hadn't forgotten what she meant to him and what he meant to her.

Marissa broke the silence figuring she had been keeping him from what he needed to do. "Let's get you packed – yeah?" she said somberly.

He didn't know if he was ready to let go of her, but he did all the same and nodded.

&&&

That afternoon Marissa decided to help Ryan pack his things up from his old dorm room. There wasn't much to pack, but Kirsten and Sandy insisted on getting him a few pieces of furniture and a computer and some more clothes to take with him. Marissa sat on his bed folding while Ryan disassembled his shelving unit on the floor in his room.

"I was just moving in a little while ago, now I'm packing up all over again" he said as he broke into a sweat trying to dismantle the pieces.

"So do you know what happened to the last room-mate at your new place?" She asked

He forgot they hadn't made mention of his new room-mate since a few days ago. "They uh… they got a job offer somewhere else and had to go I think."

"Oh" she said picking up another shirt to fold. "What happens to the money you paid in advance for this place?"

"I would've lost the whole amount if Sandy hadn't convinced them to at least refund half considering I'm not staying a whole year's worth. So I'm gonna put that towards my rent."

"Hey, you know what I was thinking?"

"Not 'The Notebook' I hope"

She laughed, "No, no, not that! I'm thinking of getting a job."

He became intrigued by her initiative. "A job huh? What made you think of that?"

"Well, I don't really have anyone to ask for money like I used to be able to. Did that just sound spoilt?" She thought for a split moment. "Anyway, I'm glad my mom's able to pay for college and my board and everything but I thought I could do something part-time you know. I was passing Jacobs and they had a waitress position open." She thought, "Plus, how am I gonna keep my car in order if I don't."

The day they were leaving for college Marissa woke up to find a Range Rover identical to the Cohen's, parked in the Robert's driveway. At first she thought Ryan was there, but a man knocked on the door asking for her. The man passed along an envelope with a letter, some paperwork and a set of keys. It was from Jimmy. In his letter it said it was her graduation gift, completely bought and paid for legally, no questions, just his way he thought he could do something for her without messing up entirely. Marissa had no idea where he could've gotten the money for it, but was grateful nonetheless. She hadn't heard anything from him ever since, and even more so she felt the need to keep it, for it seemed it was her last piece that connected her to a father she once had.

"You want to work at the café?" he asked as he continued to listen to her new venture.

"Yeah, it's close by and I can work the hours around school. I'm going to apply for it."

"That's great Riss" he smiled, "A job actually doesn't sound half bad, I don't want to live off Sandy and Kirsten forever."

"They like doing this for you guys though you know. They're your – parents."

Ryan knew that's exactly what they had become, and before them he never really had anyone to disappoint, which made it that much harder to have to do well in his academics.

"Where are Seth and Summer, I called them like 40 minutes ago to come by and help." Marissa speculated.

"Seth will no doubt try and stall for a while to avoid – everything really." He laughed and she concurred.

Right on cue the inseparable couple walked through Ryan's bedroom door.

"Hey guys" Summer greeted.

"You're early." Marissa said sarcastically. Seth shot her a sarcastic laugh that she again returned.

"It's not my fault. Cohen still drives like an old lady"

"Summer, it's caution!" he neurotically tried to justify.

"It's slow is what it is." She replied.

Ryan figured he try to get them to stop bickering before they went further. "It's okay, you're here now. Seth, help me take this unit apart."

Seth looked at it for a moment totally clueless as to what he was even meant to be doing to it. In attempts to get into some sort of position in which he thought he was helping, he really wasn't.

"Aah! Seth don't lean on it, you're making it heavier." Ryan said while laying down on the floor trying to undo a screw from underneath."

Summer just buried her head in her hands reminded of their endeavors to build an entertainment unit a couple weeks ago.

Marissa just looked on as she kept folding holding in a giggle as Ryan and Seth tried to work cohesively. "I'm going to get some more boxes." She said as she walked out and left the room.

Summer took a spot on the bed a continued with the folding that Marissa had started. Looking over to her boyfriend, "God Cohen… "

"You're just mad" he grinned

"Oh yeah at what?" trying to deny but obviously letting her emotions seep through.

"That I told you about Ryan's new hot girl roommate!" he chuckled.

Ryan slightly laughed to himself because of the conversation he was being made to sit through.

"What hot girl?" Marissa asked harmlessly as she came back in carrying a hollow cardboard box.

Upon hearing her voice, Ryan sat up, but immediately knocked his head on the shelving board.

&&&


	3. The First Impression

A/N This continues from where the last one left off. Feel free to let me know your thoughts on it, and I'm glad people have liked it so far. Thanks so much...

&&&

"Are you okay?" she asked concerned having forgotten what she just asked.

Ryan slid out from under and began rubbing his head. Summer kept to herself while glancing back and forth between Ryan and Marissa. She felt something had been off and had a realization of what was wrong in the picture; 'Ryan hadn't told Marissa yet' she thought.

"Do you want some ice?" Marissa asked while setting the box down next to Summer.

The pain subsided and Ryan stopped rubbing his head. "No I'll be okay, thanks."

"Okay." The room stayed quiet for a moment and all of them thought Marissa had forgotten what she had initially asked. "Who's the hot girl?" she posed to them unexpectedly.

Summer's eyes widened immediately trying to think of a cover. She figured she'd interrogate Ryan first before Marissa knew anything. "Uh well…Me! I'm the hot girl!" she blurted.

Seth broke out straight after and caught on to Summer's plot and followed up on her lead. "Yes – She is hot!" he agreed as if he just had an epiphany.

Ryan soundlessly thanked them for not saying anything.

Marissa looked at them a little weird but went with it anyway. "O…kay…"

Summer thought she ought to get Marissa out of the room for a while so she can figure out what was going on.

"Boxes!" Summer said loudly.

"What?" Seth said looking at his girlfriend.

"I need boxes – Cohen and I need boxes, don't you Seth?"

Seth walked over placing some clothes that had been folded into a box. "I don't want boxes." He said totally oblivious to her new plan.

She rolled her eyes. "Well of course you don't _want_ it"

Marissa observed her two friends totally perplexed.

Seth was still completely in the dark, "…then?"

"You just _need_ it" she said while lightly slapping him on the arm.

"I just brought in another box" Marissa said trying to get some answers for this sudden desperation for boxes.

"No, no – that's not enough. Seth and I will fill this baby up in a matter of minutes. We need aallotttaa boxes." She exaggerated.

Ryan knew exactly what Summer wanted, and just kept quiet the whole way.

"Sum, the rest of the boxes were left down at my place, I'd have to go all the w-" Marissa said as Summer immediately took over cutting her sentence short.

"That's so great of you to offer – Cohen why don't you go with her", she said with an oversized smile, encouragingly.

"Eh…but… eh…it's far Summer." He weakly tried to argue.

Summer gave him a stern look which he knew better than to challenge and gave up. "Oh I know, come on Marissa, let's get boxes… ", he said while guiding Marissa out of the room.

Ryan watched them leave and saw he was cornered. Summer was intimidating and he knew she wouldn't stop until she found what she was looking for. He tried to pretend nothing was happening and tried to slide back under the shelf to continue dismantling it, when Summer brought him to a halt.

"Hold it Atwood." She stated bluntly.

He sat up and leant against the wall. "What is it Summer?" He said taking a breath.

"Why haven't you told her yet?" she said a lot calmer.

"I don't know, I just…I wasn't ready" he said solemnly

"Ready for what? It's not like it's a big deal or anything; you're not dating" said a confused Summer.

"I don't know Summer, I mean…if it were me, I wouldn't be comfortable with her living with some attractive guy… you know… yeah we're not together, but there's a lot of history, and a lot of stuff there that's not even…finished yet." He paused briefly. "You don't go around living with someone like…"

"like this half naked hottie…" Summer finished for him.

"…without there being any speculation that you'll probably hook up."

Summer raised an eyebrow, "Do you plan on hooking up with your roommate?"

"No…I don't know… anyway, that's far from…the point…I just don't want Marissa to think that I will."

"Do you want to get back together with her?"

Ryan became frustrated out of his own confusion. "Ye-.. No…I don't know… "

Summer empathized with him but still needed him to see things logically, "Okay but what are you going to do when she comes over? Pretend your roommate is a hot lampshade? There's no point trying to keep it from her. The more you try to hide something, the more it seems there's actually something to hide."

"I know… "

"And just because you're living with this girl, doesn't mean you'll hook up with her, and Marissa's smart enough to know that too. If this situation was just going to complicate things, why even take the apartment?"

"I…I didn't think about all this at the time…"

"Look, while Seth and I will always believe you're meant to be together, you guys have proven you can be great friends, and if that's the case, then this isn't anything you need to worry about; real friendships have survived a lot worse…you guys have survived _a lot_ worse" she said warmly in efforts to set his mind at ease, smiling at him.

Ryan looked brought his knees inward and let out a sigh, "Thank…", giving her a look of appreciation.

As if rehearsed, Seth and Marissa arrived right on time with boxes at hand.

That evening they managed to take everything over to Ryan's new place, and Marissa stayed behind to clean up in case Kyle came back. Sarah was obviously out, and Seth and Summer had to leave shortly after, leaving Ryan alone. He stood up against the door biting his bottom lip and took one look at his new surroundings. He didn't know why, but he felt living there was going to change things, he didn't know what yet, but it was something he thought he should brace himself for.

&&&

Marissa began clearing the coffee mugs that sat on the table and began washing up. She headed for Kyle's room and changed her sheets and covers and made sure Ryan hadn't left anything behind. Upon tidying Kyle's desk she noticed 'Architecture and the International Style', and knew straight away it was his. 'I'll just give it to him tomorrow.' She thought to herself.

For the rest of the night she sat in front of the television, flipping channels at random and having no real interest in what was on. The dorm was a lot quieter than what she was used to. Sitting in her pajamas she looked over to the room that Ryan had recently been sleeping in. He hadn't been there for very long but now he was gone everything just felt…empty. 11:06 - She sat there alone, wondering what he was doing, if he was settled, if he was sleeping, if in some strange way he was sitting by himself and feeling as lonely as she was. It'd only been a few hours but she found herself yearning to make some sort of connection with him. She wanted to call, but truthfully didn't really have anything to say, she just wanted to hear his voice and feel the security that came with it.

She grabbed her phone and punched his number on the keypad, before activating the call button, she thought for a moment, 'it's late', and decided against it and closed her cell. Maybe this distance was actually giving them the time away from each other that they were meant to be having.

Upon closing her phone a light came on and the incoming call signal went off with Ryan's name appearing on the screen. She smiled, letting it ring once more before picking it up.

"Hey did I wake you?" he asked sincerely

"No, not at all, I was just up watching some television." she said. "Are you moved in?"

"I've got a few more things to unpack, some furniture to re-assemble, but pretty much…you know to tell you the truth, I couldn't sleep." He said wearily.

She imagined him lying awake in bed in his wife-beater and flannel pants, staring up at the ceiling in darkness. "To tell you the truth, neither could I…"

"Why is that?"

"It's eerily quiet here. It's kind of unnerving actually." She said honestly. "What about you?"

He sighed audibly over her receiver, "just doesn't feel like my home yet, you know…"

Marissa laughed slightly but understood, "Yeah well the very first night never does…"

Ryan continued trying to put into words what had been sitting on his mind, "I just feel…-"

"…far", Marissa finished for him softly having intended only herself to hear it.

"Yeah…far." He agreed, which made her surprised he heard.

"Maybe we'll have that time apart now like we were meant to have." She said trying to make a joke out of it in attempts to lighten the mood.

"…Yeah", Ryan said unconvincingly. The two had gone quiet all of a sudden, they both knew what the other was thinking, but was unsure of who would come out and say it; so Ryan did. "… We'll still see each other just as often Marissa…I'm not in the same building but-"

"Yeah I know…it's not…it's not that far." She said.

"Yeah, and plus I'm on campus everyday…"

Both of them felt like they had to convince themselves that everything would stay the same, but neither were sure that it would.

"I better let you go, it's getting late." He said politely.

She didn't want him to go yet, even if they said nothing the whole night, she wanted to feel him near her for as long as she could. "Okay…" she said in a subdued tone.

He paused for a few seconds before letting her go, "…Goodnight Marissa…"

Sadness came over her just with his goodbye, she didn't know why, but it felt all too real, like it were permanent. Taking a breath she ended their conversation. "Goodnight Ryan."

Marissa aimed the remote and flipped off the television, walked unenthused towards her bedroom and shutting the door, she climbed into bed and stared out at the moon that glistened in the cloudless sky. Her emotions wanted to take over her body but she lay still trying to reassure herself that nothing was going to change. In the other part of town where Ryan now lay in his own bed, in his new home, he looked out upon the same moon, now taking his turn to wonder what Marissa was doing. Was she still awake? Had she gone to sleep? Was she lying down alone, feeling as unsure as he was. The night spun round, and offered up to them a new day.

&&&

As it was bright and beautiful the night before, Marissa woke up to a cloudy sky, with only hues of grey to be seen for miles. She sat up and dropped her head down to her knees, her body still unwilling to get out completely from the warmth her quilt had provided. She figured she'd go over to Ryan's new place today considering she hadn't seen it yet and return his book to him. Finally forcing herself out she made her way to make breakfast. She lazily walked through with her eyes half open and was surprised to find someone sitting at the kitchen table.

Marissa took a sharp breath, "Oh my god you scared me!"

Kyle sat eating cereal and reading the paper, "It's about time you woke up." She laughed looking at a disheveled Marissa.

"When did you get here?" she asked while grabbing the box of cereal and pouring the contents into a bowl.

"Earlier this morning" Kyle answered.

Kyle was also a freshman studying a degree not too different from Marissa's. Kyle was the epitome of what it was to be the girl next door; everything you could've imagined of what that may be she was the complete embodiment. She had soft blonde hair that fell straight down with a slight wave that seemed effortlessly tamed. Her eyes were a stunning shade of brown with slight hints of green woven through. Kyle wore a smile that lit up a room and had a physique of a former teen pageant contestant. But through all her beauty she was the sweetest most down to earth girl you could meet, and she bore no facades, just a simple what you see is what you get kind of girl that had a healthy relationship with her family. Kyle and Marissa got on straight away. It was refreshing for Marissa to find someone who had such a positive take on life that hadn't been tainted yet with harsh realities that existed.

Marissa sat down opposite her with her bowl of cereal, and grabbed a section of the paper Kyle was done with. "How was your trip?"

"It was okay, my grandfather wasn't feeling too well which is why I went back, plus I started to feel a little homesick, so it was good that I got to catch up with them."

"Is your grandfather okay?" Marissa asked sincerely.

"Yeah, I think he'll be okay. What about you, what'd you get up to, and where's Ryan by the way?"

Ryan, at the sound of his name she came to suddenly realize where he now was. "He uh…he found a place actually, he moved into to his new apartment yesterday."

Kyle had actually been given a rundown on the saga that is Ryan and Marissa by Summer a while back. Although she hadn't known Marissa for long, she was insightful enough to see that something was wrong.

"Are you okay?" Kyle asked.

Marissa had been playing with her breakfast and swirled its contents hypnotically.

"It's Ryan isn't it?"

"What? Oh…no…Anyway, I better get going, I'm going to go drop off a text book he left behind and go to the library and get some study done."

"Okay, I'll see you later then, you going be back to eat here for dinner, I'll cook?" she smiled

"Yeah, I'll see you later, I'll bring back some movies" she said while putting her dish in the sink. "It's good to have you back" Marissa said as she patted her on the shoulder and made her way to her bedroom to get ready.

&&&

The new day for Ryan had come in the form of bird that was perched on the tree outside and was making excruciating noise, which abruptly woke him up. He tossed and turned in attempts to fall back into his slumber, forcing the pillow over his head in hopes to drown out the sound. The screeching gave no signs of coming to an end any time soon. Ryan compelled to wake up if he were to keep his sanity. He left the room with his hair in total disarray and went to brush his teeth. Sarah was already up and was propped against the kitchen counter with a coffee in one hand and reading what seemed to be her horoscope.

"Morning sunshine." She said patronizing him.

"Morning…Don't you hear that?" He asked while still hearing traces of the infuriating noise.

"Hear what?" Sarah said ignorant to what he was referring to.

Ryan walked over searching the cupboards for a mug, in need for some caffeine. "The bird" he stated.

"Oh that…you get used to it." She said while grabbing her toast that had just popped out.

Ryan looked at her, "You mean it's there every morning?"

"No, no, just sometimes, and it stops after like an hour." Sarah mentioned offhandedly.

"Great" Ryan said under his breath as he rolled his eyes. "I'm going to go have a shower" he said as he poured out the remainder of his coffee down the sink.

As he began walking out the room she called out after him. "Actually there might be a chance I used all the hot water…but maybe not, check anyway."

Ryan was soon getting frustrated and just wanted to get through this first morning unscathed. A knock came at the door shortly after.

"I'll get it!" Sarah proclaimed with no direction.

&&&

Sarah answered the door and was confronted with a doll like figure that she hadn't met before. "Can I help you?' she asked quite frankly.

Marissa seemed a little hesitant, having never seen Ryan's place and never really hearing anything about his roommate, she wondered if she was even in the right building. A little startled by the brazen young woman who was comfortable enough to prance about in her underwear…"Umm, its okay I think, I think I have the wrong place." She stuttered out feeling a little intimidated by the person in front of her. "Thanks" she said as she turned back on her way to the stairs.

"Hey wait!" the audacious girl called out to her. "Who were you looking for?"

Marissa looked back upon hearing her yell out, "Uh…his name's Ryan, but that's o-" and she was immediately cut off.

"Sunshine? Oh yeah, he lives here." She said bluntly.

"Excuse me?" said a baffled Marissa. 'Sunshine?' she thought to herself.

"Ryan – Irritable guy of little words…but cute too I guess." She said, breaking it down for Marissa a little further.

Marissa didn't know what to say, 'was this his roommate?' she questioned in her mind. The girl answered straight after as if seeing right through her.

"I'm his roommate." She offered her hand out for Marissa to shake it. "Sarah" she stated.

Marissa walked slowly towards her and shook her hand a little undecided. "I'm Marissa…is he uh… here?" she wondered. "You're his roommate?" she asked again as if not hearing the first time.

"S-a-rah." She repeated as if she were talking to a child which Marissa showed no appreciation for or amusement. "Yeah, he's having a shower, come on." Sarah said inviting her in. Sarah turned around and led the way in, and Marissa followed suit. "Take a seat."

Marissa studied the room and let her eyes wander across the apartment as far as she could see. Her eyes led her to a family of g-strings that were well rested on the sofa; not to mention the extended relatives consisting of bras, corsets, and other laced intimate apparel. When Sarah asked her to sit, she stood confounded as to where she could even possibly place herself amongst the laundry.

Marissa wondered whether Ryan's new roommate was ever going to put on actual clothes. She sat uncomfortably with her bag in her lap and still clutching Ryan's textbook. She sat there thinking why Ryan didn't bother telling her, but came to the realization that, 'that', she thought as she looked at Sarah who was finishing off a piece of toast, was exactly the reason Ryan had avoided telling her.

Marissa stayed silent and kept her thoughts quiet; she was confused, she felt like he had lied to her when she knew he really hadn't. Now concluding that Ryan was going to be living with this woman and there was nothing she could do about it. She was gorgeous, and Ryan would have to be an idiot to not see that. Marissa stared at the floor waiting for Ryan to come out, she kept thinking to herself when suddenly her thoughts became cluttered and called to a halt when music suddenly came blaring out of the portable stereo in the kitchen.

Juvenile's 'Back that ass up' graced the apartment. To someone who didn't know better, it was one of those rap songs that you could sense had an accompanying video clip that was nearing on pornographic with half naked women dancing on SUV's, and every second word was a profanity. As if things weren't bad enough, she turned to her left to find Sarah dancing still in her underwear and bouncing about cleaning the kitchen.

'Attractive… not to mention sanitary' Marissa reflected sarcasm in her head. She felt the air in the room grow thicker and couldn't help but feel threatened by her and she had a number of reasons why she should be. She felt irritated in her own skin and didn't attempt to talk over the music, so she set the book down on the coffee table, took one last glance at the apartment and its shameless occupant by the oven, and headed out the door while Sarah's back was turned. Marissa had to get out of there.

Ryan walked out a few minutes later dressed and towel drying his hair. He was graced with a similar scene that Marissa had gotten up and walked out on not long ago. He noticed on the coffee table his architecture book and remembered he had left it at Marissa's…'Marissa!' he thought hastily, as he made his way to the stereo to turn it down.

"Hey! I was listening to that!" Sarah said as she turned around from wiping down the sink.

"Where's Marissa?" He asked sternly.

Sarah had a short term memory for anything she didn't care for, "Who!"

"- Marissa" he said a little calmer, "Was Marissa here?"

'Marissa' she mimicked to herself as she concentrated, "Tall girl – totally in love with you, yeah she was here, don't know where she went though. I turned around and she was gone."

Ryan gave up on interrogating Sarah further, because it was getting him nowhere. He looked around aimlessly seeing the scattered underwear and taking another look at the half-naked Sarah, he could only imagine what kind of first impression Marissa was given. Ryan needed to talk to her, quickly grabbing his keys and raced out the door, without a clue where Marissa could possibly be.

&&&


	4. The Sliding Doors

A/N While I don't get to reply to everyone individually, thanks so much for the comments you went out of your way to write. Someone asked earlier if this is a Ryrissa, andto answer that,yes, ultimately this is a Ryan and Marissa based fiction. I've actually written a big part of the story which is why these updates are frequent, so you know I'm not magically coming up with four thousand words a night, lol. So, hope you like this next part.

&&&

Marissa drove around without any direction, she hadn't really experienced much of this part of California, so didn't really know where to go. She needed somewhere quiet so she decided she'd just go to the university library like she planned, it was Sunday so she figured there wouldn't be a lot of people about anyway.

She found a quiet desk upstairs in the corner to herself, and she took out her books as if she were actually going to get some work done. It was hard to concentrate under the fluorescent lighting, but she tried. She was burdened with thoughts of Ryan, and she didn't want to be, but it was hard to not think of someone you never wanted to give up in the first place. She got her phone out of her bag and remembered to turn her profile over to silent while she was in the library, and placed it on the desk.

Marissa was still in love with him and it didn't take a genius to know that. She couldn't shake the feeling that Ryan living there was going to change things. She didn't know if it would be for the better or for worse, but at that moment nothing to her felt right; nothing to do with Ryan anyway. She had no right or reason to be mad at him, so she wasn't going to be. Marissa felt like she was neither here nor there, which made it that much harder, she didn't know how to feel about all this, if it was right to be feeling – anything.

Confused and exhausted she just sat there twirling her pen through her fingers and reading all but two sentences she'd written down for her design histories class, most of the page had been filled up with her attempts to practice her signature. 'Marissa Cooper', 'M.A. Cooper', 'Marissa A. Cooper', 'Marissa C.', 'Marissa C. Atwood', 'Marissa Atwood', 'M.C. Atwood', 'M. Atwood', 'Marissa Cooper Atwood'. She scrolled down the page observing how it miraculously morphed and began incorporating 'Atwood' from a quarter of the way until the very bottom. 'God, I'm pathetic' she rolled her eyes at herself and let her head drop on the hard wooden table, making and audible thumping sound.

The clock continued to turn and Marissa lost track of how long she'd actually been there, she heard footsteps and could feel them coming closer. She turned around to find a familiar face.

"I thought it was you." Said Summer happily.

"Hey Sum, what are you doing here?" Marissa asked.

&&&

This wasn't Newport anymore. He couldn't just hit any beach and find her at any old lifeguard stand. He absolutely had no clue where to go. He first tried Jacobs, the café that they regularly go to, he thought he came close when he saw a strawberry blonde haired girl sitting in the back corner, but no luck. Standing in front of the café he looked to his left and to his right hoping to find her amongst the crowd of people passing by. He got out his cell and tried contacting her.

&&&

"Just getting some work done" she said as she pointed to her Fashion Photography book that she had been carrying.

Photography wasn't something Summer had always been interested in, but in coming across it one day by chance, she became intrigued by the discipline and took it up and is now a Fine Arts student. She wanted to be involved in fashion, but like Marissa she wasn't attuned to designing it, but the more she read up on photography the more she fell in love with the practice.

At that moment the light on Marissa's phone began to flash, but as the two girls continued on with their conversation, an incoming call had gone unnoticed.

Summer saw the overcast look on Marissa's face, and could tell something was wrong, "Marissa are you okay?"

Marissa figured if she could tell anyone, she could tell her best friend. "I went to Ryan's today…"

Summer suddenly went quiet, "Sarah…" she said finishing for her and sighed.

"Yeah, how did you-", she stopped herself short recognizing that she should've known. "Aah the hot girl, of course." She concluded, thinking she must've been an idiot not to see that one.

"He was going to tell you."

&&&

Ryan decided he'd go ahead and make his way to her building and check if she was at her dorm. Ryan climbed up the stairs and knocked on her door; no one answered. He knocked one last time and was about to leave when it opened.

"Ryan? What are you doing here?" said Kyle as if just having woke up.

"Have you seen Marissa?" he asked.

Kyle yawned, "She said she was going to your place…and then…"

"And then?" he anticipated.

"And then she said might go to the library."

"Thanks" he said hurriedly and walked off.

&&&

"That's just it Sum, he doesn't have to tell me, he doesn't have to explain, he doesn't owe me anything."

Summer could tell she needed to talk to someone, "Come on, come with me to go get a book and then let's go get some hot chocolate or something." She said she helped pack Marissa's things away.

"Okay" she said giving in.

They walked across to a sea of shelves and Summer scoured the books to find the right one. She had only intended on getting one, but in minutes found some more that grabbed her interest.

"Okay, just let me get them checked out." Summer said carrying the books with one arm.

&&&

It was a large library but Ryan quickly scanned the first level before proceeding up the stairs to the next. He passed the row of shelves that seemed to go on forever.

&&&

Summer and Marissa turned the corner to get into the next row of shelves, in doing so they missed a single figure that walked briskly on the opposite side.

&&&

Ryan did a once over on the Library and gave up, he walked out of there disappointed. He really wanted to see her, just to talk to her. He doesn't know why he even bothered to keep this from Marissa, it was stupid. If they were going to be open and honest, and open to meeting knew people like they said they would, than he should've trusted that she'd be okay with it. It was still early but he was tired, he drove out of the campus and on towards his apartment.

&&&

Marissa sat opposite Summer at the Café, as usual Marissa had a tea sitting in front of her as Summer awaited her hot chocolate.

"If you guys said you were going to take a break, maybe even meet new people, then I don't get why either of you are looking at this like its some sort of problem." Summer tried to understand.

"Summer, I never wanted to take a break in the first place. Ryan did." Marissa said, finally admitting to someone for the first time that their decision wasn't mutual. "I did it for him." Marissa felt so weighed down that she thought it best to get it out in the open, even if it was only Summer and not the person who needed to hear it most. "I'm still in love with him…he was the one that asked for the break, and I agreed and told him it was a good idea…he really wanted it, and it was all I could think of to say so he wouldn't feel bad about it. He shouldn't have to feel guilty about that…I understood. It's just hard."

"Aw…Coop" Summer sympathized with her best friend without really knowing what to do.

"There are times when I'm really okay with us just being friends, even to the point where I'm convinced we're better off as friends. We can be great friends…"

Summer looked at Marissa with eyes of concern, "But?"

"But…most days I just want to go back to the times when we were together, and it's not over for me you know…not yet"

A waitress came past and set Summer's order down.

"It's going to be okay, him moving in with this girl doesn't change anything, it's not like he's going to hook up with his roommate or abandon you as his friend…can you honestly see Ryan doing that?" She said while trying to make Marissa see it'll all work out.

"I'm…I'm just scared I guess, of losing him, to her, to anyone…even if it wasn't her, she represents exactly what I'm afraid of, that he finds someone-better; and he knows me so well that, that's exactly the reason he didn't want to tell me, because if it were in reverse he'd feel the same way."

"Marissa you're not going to lose him." She reassured and took a sip of her beverage and set it down gently. "If she tries anything, I will kick her ass." She smiled trying to cheer her up.

Marissa just laughed and continued to drink her tea, still skeptical as to what Summer said, but grateful nonetheless that she was there for her.

&&&

Ryan came home and found Sarah with a beer in hand, now wearing a mini skirt and plain tee, which actually the most covered he's seen her yet. Ryan wasn't in the mood for anything really; all he wanted to see was the face of the girl he cared so much about.

"How'd it go with the girlfriend?" she asked without any real concern as she sat on the couch reading a magazine.

"She's not my girlfriend, we're just friends" he clarified. "I didn't find her."

Sarah walked over to the fridge and grabbed a beer for him and threw it to him. "Here". "Don't worry she has to go home eventually."

Catching the bottle he unscrewed the top and took a sip. "I'll be in my room" he said as he walked off.

Sarah watched Ryan go and looked on, unaware of the situation around her, almost wishing she had someone in her life to care about her as much as this guy obviously seemed to care for this girl.

Ryan lay down on his bed listening to his iPod, he ran through his mind a list of places Marissa could've gone. He tried to drown out his surroundings and his thoughts by focusing on the lyrics of the song he was listening to. With his eyes closed he managed to finally relax, but as the song went on he began hearing foreign characters become mixed up in the melody. He paused the player momentarily and widening his eyes, he took his headphones out of his ears and heard what seemed like an argument, and more surprisingly it seemed to stem from just outside his door. Ryan headed for the door and leant his head up against the door to make out what was being said. It was a little muffled but one was obviously Sarah and a friend, possibly her boyfriend maybe.

"Roy, I've already changed like three times!" Sarah disputed.

Ryan slowly opened his door a fraction to see if he could get a look at who she had been talking to and quickly closed it again.

"Yeah, I know sweetie, but you look fat in that thing!" He said condescendingly. It must've been her boyfriend Ryan presumed out of the man who looked of about 25. His straight brown hair was greased and slicked back off his face, falling at the base of his neck. Roy was rather tall and it was obvious he must've kept in shape to keep his built physique. From first impressions he looked sleazy from head to toe. Wearing a collared shirt halfway buttoned down and looked as if he just stepped out of the Jason Priestly era.

"Sarah! Do it quickly and do it now!" he hounded.

Sarah must've have given him as he could hear her footsteps pass his bedroom and off in the direction of hers in the far end of the hallway. Ryan couldn't help but ask himself why in the world this girl was with this poor excuse for a man. But instead of asking why, he should've asked 'How?"

Sarah came from a broken home. Her mother drank heavily and wasn't always stable, her father was never around and one day he just left and was gone for good. She grew up with four older brothers that weren't always there. Without anyone to be a proper role model, she grew up practically raising herself and moved out of home as soon as she could. There was no one to show her any better, any real values, or had any positive figures to aspire to. She was misunderstood, but anything she had she got for herself. So if she figured if she could get this far, there was no stopping her. If she could change anything though, it would be to stop attracting all the wrong guys…

Ryan could tell she'd finally gotten changed and he heard the door slam as they both obviously left to go out. He walked out cautiously in the main area. If he had known her better he would've said something, but right now it wasn't his place to say anything. Walking towards the house phone he attempted to call Marissa at her place to see if she'd come home yet, Kyle answered and no Marissa. He then attempted her cell phone.

"You've reached Marissa, leave a message and I'll call you back. Thanks."

This time he didn't bother leaving one and just hung up, walking back to his room exhausted.

&&&

It was late the same the afternoon, and Ryan realized he couldn't sit around the house all day, he decided to drop over Seth's place; his humor is definitely something Ryan could do with right about now.

Ryan drove to their apartment block and parked the car in the visitors section. Knocking on their door waiting for a response, and it came shortly after in the form of Seth.

"Hey…you're not Chinese." Seth said as he saw Ryan by the doorway.

"No, sorry" said Ryan unenthused.

"What're you doing here man, come in…" Seth offered as he stepped aside to let his adopted brother through.

"Needed to get out of the house…" he said as he took a spot on their lounge.

"Yeah, I hear you." Seth replied without really knowing what he was talking about. He walked over to the kitchen and grabbed two cans of Pepsi and handed one to Ryan.

Ryan gladly accepted, "Thanks."

Seth looked over at Ryan and could tell something was plaguing him. "I could be wrong, but I'm feeling some Seth-Ryan time coming on…" He said as he got up to set up the ps2, which was practically a requirement for Seth-Ryan time. "Talk to me buddy." He said as he threw a controller over to Ryan as they both shifted to the floor to play.

"Marissa met Sarah today" he began.

Without taking his eyes off the screen, "That must've been pretty."

Ryan continued further, "Actually, I wasn't there, I was in the shower and Marissa dropped off one of my books."

"And then…"

"Then nothing…she left, I went everywhere trying to find her; the café, her dorm, the library." Ryan said while still concentrating on the actions on screen.

"Are you in trouble?" Seth asked.

A mystified expression came over Ryan's face, "Why would I be in trouble? What are we – five?

"I'm always in trouble with Summer", he admitted indifferently, but almost as if he was pleased with it. "So I say sorry, even when I don't know if I've done anything, I say it to be sure."

"You guys are weird, that's why. It amazes me how you two cohesively manage to stay together."

"It's because she can't get enough of me in the sack." He grinned.

"Seth, don't say sack." Ryan stated blatantly as he continued decapitating Seth's character on the widescreen.

"Okay, but all jokes aside, you and Marissa just make things too complicated, which is why you two can never get your act together." In one of the few times he was actually going to try and be serious about something, he continued. "You're dating. You're not dating. It's hard to keep up with you two, but either way. Who goes traipsing around Berkeley just to talk to someone?"

"What are you getting at Seth?" He said, wanting him to get to the point whilst heeding every word.

"You still love her, and not just 'you're my brother', or 'you're my friend so I love you' kind of love, you love her cause well, because she's Marissa, and the Ryan in this story whether they're just friends or not, is always trying his hardest to make sure he doesn't hurt her…and maybe you need to stop denying what you have, what you're meant to have." He pauses, encouraging that notion to simmer in Ryan's mind for a while.

Seth was right, in every way which was more surprising. Ryan loved her, but as much as he loved her, he wasn't sure about his relationship with her. He wasn't altogether sure that he was ready to get back together with her, or if he was even meant to. Their friendship now meant a lot to him, and as hard as it was to give up what they had in high school, he's not all that convinced he wants to give up this friendship they've created, now. They continued playing well into the evening, only pausing for bathroom breaks and to eat the Chinese food that had been delivered. Initially Ryan just came over for some comic relief out of his best friend, but he got more than he bargained for and left even more weighed down than when he arrived.

&&&

The sky was dark and the clouds overhead had no intention of disappearing anytime soon. Marissa sat in the lecture room as she took notes on Semiotics when she stared out the window and observed that little raindrops were beginning to scatter across the window pane. Her stomach groaned lightly and couldn't wait until she got out so she could get some lunch. She continued to scribble down abbreviated sentences of what the teacher had been discussing. Her handwriting became messier as the time worn on. Finally the teacher had let them go, and she placed her belongings back into her bag and left the room.

Her face was sullen and this weather wasn't doing anything to lift her spirits either. Keeping her focus on the ground, fatigued, she walked slowly as everyone had rushed past her. The rain had begun to fall harder and she looked up to the sky and watched the water descend into the earth. As she kept her head tilted upward, a mass of darkness filled her vision, its wires webbed through the resistant fabric and she tilted her head forward and turned around to see who was responsible from stopping the rain settle onto her skin.

"You're going to catch a cold you know that…" he smiled.

"Ryan…" she said softly as they just stood there inches apart. Life continuing to go on, but for them it was as if time had stopped if only for a brief moment.

&&&


	5. The Compromising Damsels

A/N Thanks so much for all the responses, I'm pleasantly surprised quite a few people seem to be liking as much as they are. Just so you all know this isn't really a short story that will be over in ten chapters, as I really only ever planned on writing one, it's going to be long. I'm not sure if people enjoy shorter ones or whatever, but I'm just letting you know so as not to waste your time if you're not really into long reads. I'd love it if people stuck with it the whole way through, but I know it may not be for everyone, so there's my little note on that…Okay enough rambling, here's the next chapter…

&&&

"I've been trying to find you. You haven't been the easiest person to track down."

She smiled back at him. "Kyle told me you went by our place yesterday."

The rain began plummeting harder and Ryan and Marissa remained standing in the courtyard. Ryan was the first to look up at the sky and noticed the umbrella he had was no longer enough to provide the shelter they needed. "I think we should get out of here." He said calmly as he wrapped his free arm across her shoulders and she gladly leant into him to avoid getting wet on the edges.

"You want to get something to eat?" he asked her.

She answered happily, "You read my mind…"

"Actually, I just heard your stomach." He laughed in her direction.

She laughed at his remark and slapped him playfully on the chest.

They sat across each other at a booth of a diner nearby, waiting for their orders to come. Both of them had sat there quietly, and it was hard to say if the silence between them was an awkward or comfortable one, but it any case, someone inevitably had to start somewhere.

Ryan looked over at Marissa as she fiddled with the salt shaker, her eyes all over the place not really knowing where to set her focus, she watched her hands as she spun the container until she could feel him staring into her, so she looked him straight in the eyes.

"What?" she asked shyly as she tipped her head to one side.

"Nothing…" he answered while producing his crooked smile.

He sat there and watched her, allowing himself to become lost and caught up in her beauty. No matter what she did, or no matter how hard he tried to avoid it, he couldn't help but be enamored by the young woman opposite him.

Forcing himself out of the reverie, he decided he may as well put forth what had been on his mind. "About…about Sarah…-"

She stopped him, and sincerely said, "Look its ok, you don't have anything to explain."

"But I do. I want to." He said as he leant forward. "If it had just been any old guy, I would've told you, but for some reason I made a conscious decision to try and keep this from you, and I'm sorry." He highlighted in a regretful tone.

She smiled at him warmly, appreciating his sincerity and his honesty. "Ryan, it's really okay, I understand."

"I know, but I want you to hear it from me. Marissa…I wouldn't be…comfortable, to say the least…" he smiled back at her and continued, "…if you were living with some –young…attractive-guy, even if we weren't together…I'd be threatened, you know…that I might eventually be losing a friend to him or someone like him."

She exhaled, "A friend, of course…" she said barely above a whisper as the word 'friend' echoed in her sub-conscious.

"Actually, I don't really know where I'm going with this…she may be appealing and outspoken but she's harmless, and I just don't want you to feel like you should be threatened by her I guess is all I'm saying…" He said trying to reassure her for he knew what must've been dwelling inside her.

"Whether or not you took the place because of her, it's none of my business, and we said we'd be open to meeting new people, so…so don't worry about it…okay?" Marissa expressed kindly.

He was grateful that she had been making this easy on him, and understood his intentions, "Are we okay?" He asked unsure.

She stayed silent for a moment and then chuckled, "Are you getting soft on me, Atwood."

He laughed, "Way to ruin a moment, Cooper."

She laughed with him. "Yeah, we're okay" she finished softly.

He took a breath "…and I know I'm not living only a few floors above you anymore, but I promise we'll still hang out." Ryan smiled and looked at her, as she stared back at him innocently.

She bit her lip and thought for a moment. "Movie night?"

Ryan knew what she was getting at and went along and answered her. "Only on Friday's unless we have finals or something better to do." He chortled.

She resumed, "Phone calls?"

He thought for a moment, "Four times a week, and for at least an hour after I've done some study."

"Coffee?"

"After school every Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday whenever we're not busy."

"Lunches?"

"In between classes on Monday's and Wednesday's and a possible weekend if time permits." He responded.

She thought for a moment and grinned at him. "I guess I can work with that."

"I'm glad you approve." He grinned in return.

When they parted ways that afternoon Ryan pulled her into an embrace, welcoming the warmth his body close to hers, provided. Ryan left that day feeling better knowing that they were okay and still best left as the good friends they seemed to be. Even though what Seth had said sunk into him and knew he was right; he wasn't ready yet. As much as he loved her, being in love with her was something else entirely, and wasn't sure if he was ready to go back, to try and go back to the way things were meant to be, and it wouldn't be fair to her to make her think otherwise right now.

Marissa on the other hand, walked away a little doubtful. It wasn't that she was keeping up appearances or putting on an act for him only pretending to be his friend, because she genuinely wanted him in his life and be there. If this was the only way she could have him, then it would have to do for now; but it didn't take away the fact that in her heart she still wanted more.

&&&

"I'd have to be the least qualified person, to do anything, in the history of the world – ever." Marissa spat out in frustration.

Summer had been caught up in one of her books to notice what Marissa had be going on about. They sat opposite each other on the tables outside the cafeteria waiting for Seth to come out of his class.

Summer leant into the table to take a peek at what Marissa was doing. "What's the application for?" She asked examining a document Marissa had been filling out.

"Oh the waitress position at Jacobs. I have no experience, no references…I'm not skilled enough to serve coffee." She said

"That's not true…" She said buoyantly, "You have skills."

"'What attributes do you have that would make you a good candidate for this position?'" Marissa said, reading off the form.

"You must've done something…come on Coop, we use to candy stripe! You use to be social chair, and run charity events. You must be good at something…" Summer went on.

Seth came up from behind overhearing Summer's last words, "It's hard for some people, Summer." He smirked as Marissa gave him a look and threw her left over muffin at him, rebounding off his chest. He looked at the muffin on the ground and back up at her, "I hope you don't plan on doing that to the customers…" he said while climbing into the seat next to his girlfriend.

"Ooh!" Finally having an idea, Marissa began to write. "Okay, I'm going to go to my place and get changed, I'll finish this up and I'll catch you guys at Ryan's."

"Bye…" The couple called out to her as she got up to leave.

"What's at Ryan's?" Seth querying Summer.

"Just hanging out, movies I guess maybe."

He contemplated briefly, "It's Friday, shouldn't we be like, off our faces at a kegger or something?"

Summer thought out loud, "Hey I haven't met hot girl yet. How hot is she?" she wondered.

"Oh - She's hot…" Seth embellished, while staring into nowhere as if fantasizing.

Summer looking in the direction of the invisible marker he'd been staring at and looked back at him, she clicked her fingers in front of his eyes to snap him out of his musing. "Cohen you ass hat", she reprimanded and went back to what she had been reading.

Looking up from her book she contemplated once more, "Do you think Ryan and Sarah will get together?"

&&&

Ryan sat at the kitchen table having dinner, from outside the front door he could hear soft whispers stemming from Roy and Sarah outside. Moments later she lazily strolled in with a smile on her face, with lipstick slightly smeared off her lips.

"Date go well?" He called out to her.

"Yeah, went okay." She said, relaxed. Which confused him a little considering her body language didn't fit her answer. "What're you eating?" Sarah asked as she walked over to him checking out what had been on his plate.

"Thai beef salad, there's some extra over there if you want some." He said pointing by the microwave. "A few of my friends are coming by to watch some DVD's in a little bit, you're welcome to join us…" He said politely.

Walking over to the fridge instead, she pulled out a beer for herself and placed one on the table for Ryan. She went over to the coffee table and looked at the selection. "Oh, I'm not a romantic comedy kind of girl, more action, or maybe a thriller, but I guess you wouldn't have picked that about me."

"No, I wouldn't have…but yeah the girls chose it" he supposed, a little intrigued by the ways of his roommate.

"Tall girl, huh?"

He smiled amused at her methods of memorization, "Yeah, tall girl, her name's Marissa, her and her friend Summer. She's Seth's girlfriend."

"I see, anyway, I'm going to just hang out and watch some TV in my room, I'll stay out of your hair." She said as she left him.

'KNOCK, KNOCK'

Ryan made his way to open the door to a deflated looking Marissa. "What's wrong?" He said while pulling her into a quick hug.

"Nothing, just tired…" she said as she pulled out and walked to the sofa and sat down.

"Where's the other two?" He asked as he stuck his head out into the hallway to check.

"Coming up the stairs." She answered. Picking up a DVD. "Ooh! 'Just like heaven', they're so cute in this!" She said becoming excited as she popped the disc into the player.

&&&

The four of them sat bunched up on the large three-seater sofa to see the television set better. The sappy movie was putting Seth and Summer more and more in the mood to get closer to each other, making bedroom eyes which was making Marissa want to throw up in her mouth.

Seth leant forward into Summer, their eyes becoming entwined, with foreheads barely touching, and lips barely an inch apart –

"Ohhh, no you don't! Not again – We're not going to sit through another make out session" Marissa exclaimed as she got up from her seat and made hand actions to get Summer to scoot over next to Ryan as she acted as a mote that divided the couple.

In seating order it was now Ryan, Summer, Marissa, and Seth. It suddenly became quiet after Marissa's sudden outburst. "…Oh, this is much better." Seth said sarcastically, cutting through the silence.

The four of them sat there on the sofa, with either a vacant expression or a bitter one. Ryan who just stayed out of it looked to his right to find the other three avoiding all forms of human interaction, keeping to their own designated space, no matter how small that may be.

Suddenly, Sarah had come out from her room, "Hey, sorry to interrupt."

Seth answering, "oh don't worry Marissa's taken care of that." He said as Marissa immediately shot him an irritated glare.

Sarah continued unsure of what was going on in the room, "I just needed to grab something" she said as she came over to the laundry basket nearby and sifted through the items until she found what she was looking for.

Marissa proceeded to watch the movie trying hard to avoid a bent over Sarah.

Summer decided she'd break the ice, "we haven't met, I'm Summer" she said giving a slight wave.

"Sarah", she said politely while standing up and turning around to take a quick look at her and went back to searching through her unfolded clothes.

The room had gone awkwardly silent again for the second time, so Summer thought she'd make small talk. "So…Sarah…Do you go to Berkeley?"

She responded without taking her eyes off her task, "No, I'm a waitress, and sometimes on the side I work at a club one of my brother's run."

"Oh…uh cool…" Summer had already begun running out of things to say. While Marissa may have looked like she was too busy watching the movie, she was listening in more than anything else.

"…so…dating anyone?" Summer persisted.

"Yeah, his name's Roy…he's okay." She said as she triumphantly found a pair of work-out shorts she was in need for.

"Oh yeah…how long you guys been-"

She rolled her eyes to herself, "God, too long. But what are you going to do, you've got to have a boyfriend right?" she responded while taking her pair of shorts and began unzipping her jeans to change into them amidst their presence; the four of them now watching her, the guys a little more intently. Summer looked between Ryan and Marissa wondering what they must be thinking, in looking at Marissa she caught a glimpse of Seth whose bottom jaw was slowly beginning to drop; reaching over behind Marissa she pinched Seth's ear.

'Ow!' he mimed to her to get her to quit it.

Sarah was ignorant to the antics that were playing out a few feet away and kept on with what she was saying as she slid her jeans off displaying her panties underneath, "…otherwise it's just you, a cat, next thing you know, you're old, wrinkled, your breasts are deflating, and then you wake up, and you're 40 and even your cat doesn't want to see you." She finished now having put her shorts on.

"That's uh, quite a picture." Marissa said dumbfounded. It was hard to say if Marissa was referring to the girl's descriptive story or the girl herself.

"Anyway, nice seeing you guys." She said as she walked off carrying her jeans over her shoulder.

When Seth had heard the door click he spoke, "…Wow, that was awkward."

Sarah walked back to her and shut the door, behind her. As perky or as unfazed as she came off, underneath she couldn't help but feel a little lonely, and almost jealous even, of the girls that they had what seemed to be two incredible guys there at their fingertips, or of the four people a room away, who seemed so close. Sitting on her bed, she sat there sadly, but felt angst that she couldn't have that in her own life.

&&&

That weekend had long gone and disappeared, and the next fortnight vanished even faster. The leaves of autumn had fallen and the cold breeze of winter was rolling in, and time just happened to slip through their fingers like thin air. Ryan found himself missing the company of Marissa as life persevered around them.

Marissa kept her eyes closed as she felt around on her bedside table for her cell that was already going off so early. Keeping her head faced down on her pillow and fumbled around managing to groggily answer her phone. "Hello?"

"Hey, sorry did I wake you?"

She rolled herself over and shoved the pillow across her head to stop the sunlight from hitting her eyes. "…no" she lied.

"Are you lying?" Ryan asked.

"…yes" she said truthfully, as she gave a muffled laugh.

"Haven't spoken to you in a while, I kind of missed you."

"What happened to four times a week? That didn't last…" She chuckled.

"I know…I'm sorry. But in my defense you haven't had the time to call me either." He said smiling, even though she couldn't see him.

Despite what they discussed at that certain lunch, Ryan and Marissa both knew that with schedules becoming more and more unforgiving as the semester kept on, their Ryan-Marissa timetable couldn't be followed so rigidly, and both new deep down that it wouldn't happen, but were comforted in knowing that they would at least try.

"I know, but did you hear I got that job?"

"Yeah, I did actually, Seth told me, congratulations, they must've liked you."

She groaned, "I doubt it, I think they were desperate. They've been training me this week."

"Yeah? How are you finding it?" Ryan asked interested.

"Actually its okay, so far you know, the pay is okay plus tips, and I'm learning to work it around class. What time is it?" Taking the pillow off her head, she yawned.

"7.30, I know it's early but I wanted to call you and see if I can take you out to breakfast this morning."

She smiled to herself with her eyes still closed, "What'd you have in mind?"

"Pancake Parlor. Vanilla pancakes, with ice cream, and blueberries, lightly glazed in icing sugar…" He said trying to entice her.

"Okay, I'll get up, I'll meet you there in 20 minutes", she answered as she slowly began to rise out of bed.

"Yeah, thought so…" his laugh, transmitting through the receiver. "Okay, see you there." He said as he flipped his cell phone off.

She did the same, getting up rather excited that she would see him, because it felt like a while since they had actually done so.

He got up to get ready, he walked out of the shower as Sarah had just come through the door from being out the entire night. She wore oversized sunglasses hiding away her eyes, but by the look of her swollen cheeks that were illuminated pink, he could tell she'd been crying.

"Is everything okay?" Ryan inquired becoming concerned.

"Yeah, why wouldn't they be" she shot back at him, a hint of anger pronounced through her voice.

Ryan was taken aback by her attitude, in living with her the past few weeks he's observed she has her days when she's in a mood, but she's never spoken to him like this.

He stuttered, "…I…I don't know, I just." He stopped, "Look forget I asked…" he began walking away.

"I'm sorry!" She said quickly a little nicer making him turn around "I'm sorry…" she repeated walking over to the couch sitting down. She took off her sunglasses revealing her bloodshot eyes, burying her face in her palms.

Ryan sighed, and although he wasn't close to her, it was built into his being, that he tried to help people he could see hurting. Looking at the clock on the wall noticing he was already late to meet Marissa if he had to include the travel time. But in any case, he couldn't just leave her as she sat and sobbed to herself, he took a spot on the couch next to her, not really knowing what to say.

&&&

Marissa arrived at the Pancake place as a waiter came up and greeted her, "Table for..?" The man asked awaiting her answer.

"Oh, uh, two please, they're meeting me here."

"Right this way, miss." He said, ushering her to a quaint little table. "Would you like anything for starters?"

She glanced at her watch and noticed she still may be a little early, "Ah no, I think I'll just wait for them to come, but thank you."

The waiter nodded towards her and walked off. She sat there fiddling with her fingers, she always felt uncomfortable waiting because she didn't really know what to do with herself. She felt self conscious and compromised in this situation, like people were looking at her because she was alone.

&&&

Sarah's cries became more intense as she kept on explaining an argument her and Roy must have had. He couldn't piece together completely what she had been saying, but knew he felt sorry for the girl sitting next to him. She was emotionally being drained which confused him, because how could a girl that could have so much character, be as equally as frail.

"…and I try so hard! I try and make this work, I do what he asks of me, and still... he just keeps on, until I get to the point that I don't even know…I don't even know who I am anymore, and I end up hating him, and hating myself…But I can't leave him…a part of me just can't leave him" She wailed out.

"Why not? Why do you do it to yourself and stay with him if he treats you this way?" He asked bluntly, a little angered at the fact that someone could be such an ass to treat someone this way, his girlfriend no less.

"You don't know him! He used to be so giving of himself, and now…we have too much history, I can't leave him. Who will I have if I leave him?" She said as she lifted her head up to look at Ryan's eyes for the first time, and he just stared back at her without really having any answer's for her.

&&&

Marissa pulled up her sleeve and checked her watch again, and Ryan was now running fifteen minutes late. The waiter made his way over to her once more, "Are you sure you wouldn't like anything while you wait?"

"On second thoughts, can I just get a cinnamon latte?"

"Okay, I'll be right back with your order."

It was never really like Ryan to be running late, out of the two of them, it was usually her that would take forever to get anywhere. A look of apprehension was wiped over her face, and she hoped that he was okay wherever he was.

&&&

Ryan watched the clock turn, and knew that Marissa must have been sitting there alone, and he felt his insides turn out. He sighed. He was an hour late, but found himself in a compromising position. He got up and got her a glass of water. While he was up he quickly grabbed his cell; 12 unanswered, from Marissa. While in the kitchen he tried to get a hold of her but her voicemail came on.

"Something's just come up, I'm still here at the house with Sarah, I'll explain later. I'm sorry." He said in a hoarse whisper and hung up.

He walked back over to Sarah and passed on a glass of water, sitting back down next to her.

"It's going to be okay…" he said softly to her.

Sarah leant into him and cried on his shoulder, letting her tears stain on his shirt. "…thanks" she whispered by his neck. He was a little unsure as to how to react at that moment, as he apprehensively put his hand on her shoulder, looking to the room as if it were going to give him answers. She stayed there not saying a word, drowned in sadness from one man as she sought comfort in another.

&&&

Marissa checked her voicemail after just having come out of the ladies room. She sighed, grabbed an order to go, and walked out.

She drove to Ryan's carrying a paper bag in her hand. She knocked on the door lightly and he answered as if trying not to make a sound.

"Hey…sorry about breakfast, Sarah just-" he said apologetically but she broke off his sentence.

"It's okay" she said emotionless as she handed him the paper bag. "I have to go back home, I've got to help Kyle out with some stuff for class, I'll call you later" she said as she walked off quietly.

"Thanks" he whispered with her back turned to him.

He closed the door and looked inside to see what she'd given him. The blueberry pancakes, his favorite. He closed the bag and let out a long breath.

&&&


	6. The Bigger Person

A/N As annoying Marissa can get on the show, I'm trying to shape her differently to be less, well, pathetic; but I am pro Marissa despite the many who may dislike her, so I'm trying to let her grow up and mature a little bit. I forgot, do I have to put those disclaimer things? Well I don't own the OC or its characters, but I do own the Kyle and Sarah in this story.

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"So, you just gave him pancakes and left?" Asked Kyle.

"Yes." Marissa replied as she continued to take down notes from her unit readings.

"Let me get this straight, he made you wait for like an hour, you drove all the way after getting his message that he couldn't make it, and you just went there to drop off pancakes, you didn't let him explain, and you just – left." Kyle repeated slowly trying to make sense of it.

"Yeah…" she said offhandedly without looking away from her page, "…that's pretty much it."

"You should've just let him explain",

Marissa stared at her page, letting the words on the page become a blur as she listened to her roommate go on. She sighed, setting her pen down. "Maybe I should've…"

"I'm not saying what he did was okay, I just think he might have a good reason you know…but hey, if you don't want to talk to him and he calls our place, saying you're washing your hair is okay with me too" finished Kyle with a slight laugh.

She smiled at Kyle's attempt to lighten the mood, "…thanks…maybe I was just being stupid, I hadn't seen him in a while; I missed him. The first time he calls. He stands me up, and as soon as I heard her name, I think I snapped."

"You snapped? By going out of your way to bring him his favorite kind of pancakes…Let's never cross you hey", said Kyle sarcastically.

"I think I just left without saying anything was so that I didn't just come out with something I'll regret." Marissa pointed out. "Anyway…new subject, thanksgiving is coming up soon, what are you doing?"

"Family stuff as usual, just going back home for the long weekend. What about you?"

"We're doing thanksgiving at Seth and Summer's this year, we figured you'd be going back home, but just in case, you're invited as well."

"That's sweet of you guys."

At that moment Marissa cell-phone that had been sitting on top of her books, began vibrating. She looked at the screen, Ryan was attempting to call her. Marissa looked at it feeling immobile and unsure if she should pick it up. Marissa looked to Kyle in hopes Kyle would tell her what she should do, but she shrugged back at her. In her hesitation to pick it up, the vibration stopped, and it went unanswered.

&&&

Ryan hung up, she was either busy, or deliberately chose to ignore him. Either way he couldn't blame her. He sat at his study table looking out his window, examining the people and the streets around him as if he were going to find what he was looking for within it. He couldn't shake the sadness and disappointment he could see in her as she looked back at him by the doorway.

He looked to himself, dissatisfied. All he wanted to do was talk to her, explain why he couldn't get there, and make it up to her. She was thoughtful enough to come out of her way and bring him breakfast, knowing that he hadn't yet, and it made everything that much worse. Ryan left it out on the table, he couldn't eat it. Guilt would override his system if he even tried to.

The television in the lounge room went on. He got up from his table to check that Sarah must have been up already from taking her nap. There she was, in her pajamas watching a rerun of an old sitcom, looking like she was in a better state. He walked over and sat on the single armchair next to her.

"Feeling better?"

"Yeah…I'm okay." Sarah replied and nodded, returned her gaze to the television, watching the slapstick comedy on screen unfold, laughing loudly as it played out.

He looked back and forth between her and the screen. The Sarah that sat there cackling was a different Sarah to the one he was consoling only hours ago.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He persisted.

Sarah sighed and switched off the television now facing him.

"Ryan, I appreciate that you were concerned about me, I am…and when I'm ready, I'll explain okay, I just want to forget about it for right now." She came out politely, but switched the television back on in any case, and continued watching.

He couldn't help but feel agitated, despite her saying she was appreciative he felt like his efforts earlier to try and be a friend had gone in vain. He got up not wanting to press further, and just assumed when she was ready to talk about it, she would. Ryan got up out of his seat and walked off, disbelieving that, that same girl was the reason he ended up letting down one of his best friends. Ryan grabbed the keys to the car and walked out of the apartment. Getting downstairs, the beautiful weather was beating down on him, mocking and contradicting how he felt.

&&&

Ryan's first instinct when he left was to drive straight over to Marissa's, but decided against it, knowing that right now he didn't have any words to offer her. The remorse began to set up camp in the pit of his stomach, driving around directionless, Marissa being the only thing he could think about. He pulled up to the parking lot, of a place that he was predestined to arrive at.

Who knew if she would even want to talk to him, or see him for that matter; Trudging up the stairs and walked heavily to the unit. Knocking on the door he waited patiently.

"Hey." The beautiful blonde greeted him.

"Hey, is Marissa here?" He sought.

Kyle just stared back at him in uncertainty as to whether she should tell him, but in observing his despondent expressions and body language, she gave in. "I was with her earlier at the library, she had to go somewhere to work on some group assignment."

Ryan stood there defeated, "Do you know when she'll be back?"

"I really don't know…Did you try her phone?"

He nodded, "It was off." Looking down to his feet contemplating what to do next, "Okay, uh…thanks, I'll just try again later…" he said as he turned away.

Heading back to his car he made his way over to Jacobs where she now worked, but of course knew he wouldn't find her there. Sitting in the back corner at a table by himself, he observed the people carry on around him. A mother sitting with her young daughter, wiping her cream smudged face. Two friends caught up in conversation with two frappes, a third member joining them, all now standing to exchange welcoming embraces. A regular, leaving a tip on the table and waving goodbye to the people at the counter noting they'd be back again the next day.

The sun was out but the air was cold, and this café managed to entrap warmth; sheltering its visitors who were all interacting, having some sort of attachment to another. On the other side, Ryan sipped his coffee feeling disconnected. Wishing that by some miracle Marissa would come in as she'd done numerous times before, walk over and greet him; that he could invite her into a warm embrace and rewind the events of the morning.

Ryan went back to Marissa's later that evening, but she was still yet to come home. No matter where he went or what he did, he felt like he just kept missing her, like they had become two ships that would pass each other by, occasionally meeting up at port. He couldn't go back home with the image of her sadly walking away still ingrained in his memory, so he decided to wait there figuring she would go home some time. Kyle refused at first, trying to convince him he should just come back another time, but his incessant begging let him in.

He lay there wondering where she could've been at that hour. His needless worrying was like déjà vu of a similar occurrence not too long ago. The sun had set a long time ago and he lost track of how long he'd been lying there. Wrapped up in her quilt and inhaling the scent of her pillow, he couldn't bring himself to leave and give up, having a sudden desperation to hold onto something that had anything to do with her. The minutes kept challenging his body, as he fought to stay awake, but the comfort that enveloped him. His eyelids closed, losing at 1.48.

&&&

Marissa yawned, completely exhausted, with sleep the only thing on her mind. Slowly, she walked to her bedroom, with her eyes half shut. She went to her closet and began changing, when walking over to her bed it was the first she caught sight of her bed already being slept in. If it wasn't for the light post outside that was illuminating his face, she would've already yelled and clobbered him with her lamp. But she just watched him, lying there peacefully, wondering how long he must have been there, or even why he was there to begin with.

He began stirring, his eyes were slowly opening to see if anyone was there, looking out at Marissa who stood there next to him, he was trying to wake, but was feeling disoriented.

"Ma…Marissa?" he whispered "Is that you..?"

"…yeah it's me"

"Wh…what time is it?" he asked, trying to rub his eyes and fight himself to wake up.

"It's almost 4, sshh…just go back to sleep." As much as she could've easily slapped him out of his slumber for doing what he did at breakfast, and now depriving her of a nights sleep on her own bed, she stroked his head until he forgot all about waking up. Whatever it was they would deal with it in the morning, so she went back to her closet and grabbed an extra pillow and blanket and kindly let him rest as she made her way out to the living room.

&&&

Ryan woke up later on that morning, dazed and confused, only realizing moments later why he had woken up in Marissa's bed. He walked out, still in his clothes from the previous day, adjusting to the bright rays. There she was, sitting by the kitchen table looking out at him, as if she'd been purposefully waiting for him to come out, so he walked over and sat beside her.

"'Morning…" she greeted him softly with an expectant look on her face.

"hi…" replied Ryan. "Kyle here?"

"No, she went for a run."

He took a deep breath knowing that he had to clarify what happened the day before, "…I'm sorry, for…yesterday, I never intended on not showing up…you must think I'm an ass" he said while attempting to smile at her.

She didn't answer, this time she would stay quiet and listen to his explanation if he had one.

Her silence made him uneasy and tried to get through his next sentence, "I was about to leave, I was, I was heading out the door when Sarah walked in."

Marissa wasn't too impressed upon hearing her name, "…and then?"

"She looked like a wreck. She'd gotten into some argument with her boyfriend, and came home that morning and started to break down. I thought I'd just ask if she was okay, but it ended up on her giving me this rundown on all these things that I couldn't help her with."

"So why'd you stay?" Marissa asked feeling the need to clear that up at least.

"I just felt compelled I guess. It's crazy but since I've been living there, I've hardly ever seen anyone come by to see her, there's her boyfriend, occasionally a few people have quickly come and gone, but I don't really think she has any real friends…I just, felt bad for her, not having anyone."

Marissa just nodded slowly, acknowledging that she understood while she kept her eyes focus on the fruit bowl in front of her.

"I'm sorry, for not showing up. I really did feel terrible every minute I knew you were waiting…" Ryan said sincerely trying to get her to look at him.

She let out a long breath, "Ryan Atwood, always there for the damsel in distress…" she paused then gave him a warm smile letting him know that she was forgiving him, and he returned it gratefully. She knew she didn't have to forgive him so soon, but she also knew that this thing he does, was just part of who he was, and if he wasn't that way, they possibly would've never gotten together.

He wrapped his arm around her and they both leant up against each other on the side of their heads. He felt relief overcome his entire body, now knowing that she was forgiving him. Ryan stared down into her, and could see she was changing. Right in front of his eyes she's was quickly becoming this beautiful and mature young woman, stronger and a lot more independent than when her first met her. He was appreciative that she had such a good heart, which was what makes him love her so much more, because of her kind nature.

"Sorry about kicking you out of your room...you could've just stayed though I wouldn't have tried to feel you up." Ryan said chuckling.

She laughed, "Well I was trying to be polite, besides you were sprawled out across three quarters of it, I didn't want to have to roll you over. You're no feather you know."

"How about I go home to have a shower, you stay here and get changed and I'll come back to pick you up and have breakfast like we should've done yesterday. Then after we'll go back to my place and spend some good old quality Ryan-Marissa time on the ps2, capped off with a possible viewing of something totally cheesy in the Meg Ryan genre…"

"I didn't know you had a play-station at your house." She said with a puzzled look

"Yeah, I didn't, Summer was complaining that Seth-Ryan time was always at their place, so I was forced to get my own for when Seth came by. So, Deal?"

"Yeah, deal." She said smiling and giving into him.

Ryan got up and kissed the top of her head as he made his way to leave, "Okay, I'll see you in a bit."

&&&

A/N The next post will be up shortly and will focus mainly on their day together.


	7. The Restitution

A/N Here's the next part, hope you like it. Please R&R. Thanks.

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"Hey, I didn't hear you come in last night…"

Ryan walked out of his bedroom having changed from his shower and on his way to meet Marissa for breakfast. "Yeah, I ended up falling asleep at a friend's house." He made his way to the kitchen to pour himself some coffee.

"I just want to apologize for yesterday. I just really didn't want to get into it straight away…so that's why I tried to avoid it…"

Ryan expressed a look that showed he understood and sipped his beverage.

She paused for a moment thinking of how to word what she was about to say, "I still don't really want to get into it now, but I know it must look confusing…why I'm with him."

Ryan shook his head as he looked down to the kitchen tiling. "Don't worry about it. It really is none of my business."

"I just at least have to say that, a few years back I was in a really bad way, and if it wasn't for him I really don't know where I'd be now…I don't really know how to just walk away from that, he's all I've known for so long now…Stupid right?" Sarah sat there looking lost, not really knowing why she felt she could confide in this guy, her roommate, whom she's only known for a short while, but she could.

He stood there just watching her, nodding his head was the only thing he could do; observing this beautiful girl, with a spirit that seemed it was slowly being taken away from her. While others may conclude she lacked humility, he was beginning to see a girl who was just scared, acting in a way that contradicted how she felt in order to hide who she really was…

Now noticing he was actually dressed again to go out, she asked "Anyway, enough about that. What're your plans today?" She tried to say upbeat.

He took one last sip of his coffee and emptied the rest into the sink, "I'm going to meet Marissa today."

"Oh…" she said slightly faltering, a little disappointed on the inside that he was leaving.

"Yeah, you know just catch up, haven't seen much of her that's all." He said casually. "Anyhow, I should be off, I'll see you later." Ryan said as he made his way out, patting her shoulder before he left. "It'll be okay", he said, like any friend would.

She looked up at him and put on a smile, "Yeah…Have fun today."

"Thanks" and before she knew it he was out the door.

&&&

"Oh my God, Ryan you have to try this, quick." Marissa encouraged, as she was tried to force feed him a bite of her caramel waffles.

He thought about it for a second, "Yeah, that's pretty good", giving his verdict as he finished swallowing.

She grabbed her fork and took a small piece of Ryan's blueberry pancakes, "This is amazing, no wonder you love it so much", now taking her fork once more to take another bite. "So tell me again what happened with this Roy guy?"

"Honestly, I have no idea. Yesterday I think they had some argument, but from what I gather he seems to be a jerk."

"So why do you think she stays with him?"

He answered as he took another bite now out of Marissa's plate. "Apparently he helped her out a long time ago with some pretty serious stuff."

"Like?" Marissa persisted.

"Not too sure, she didn't say and I didn't want to push it. She just thinks she owes it to him to stay for some reason. One time I was in my room and I could hear him yelling at her just to get her to change her outfit, calling her names and stuff."

"Wow, he really does sound like a sleaze", she said now actually sounding a little bad for Sarah. "She just seems so – confident. You know? Like a 'takes no crap' kind of girl."

"Yeah, I think most of the time it's kind of like a façade, so nobody will think she's vulnerable I guess…"

Marissa wasn't sure she should ask her next question; does she really want to know? "How are you finding everything, like living with her?" She finished less enthused looking down trying to become preoccupied with something else.

"Yeah, good, we get along well" he said not thinking much of it as he aimed his fork to take another piece from his plate. "…you know, as far as roommates go." He soon after added for Marissa's sake upon seeing her face that seemed to be hiding an ulterior emotion.

Marissa altered her tone in attempts to change the subject, "I feel like it's been forever since we did anything together." She smiled, "I hope you were missing me like crazy, Atwood." She giggled at her little joke.

He laughed amused at her last comment, which on the inside he knew there was truth in what she just said. "I have an idea…" He said suggestively.

"Oh yeah, what's that?" Marissa inquired becoming intrigued.

"Well…" he began, "we can always watch a movie later, but I was thinking, we've been here in San Francisco for months now, and none of us have bothered to really go out and see what's out there. So I thought we should spend the day out, go and do a bit exploring or something, around the city and stuff." Ryan said as he watched a smile form on her face. "What do you think?" He asked as he smiled back at her.

"Really?" She responded with excitement. "We can like, shop and stuff?"

"Woah, I didn't say anything about shopping."

"Yeah you did." She stated.

He smiled to himself and shook his head. It never ceased to amaze him how he would let her get away with pulling that over him, always finding it hard to say no to her.

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The day was incomparable, the clouds were nowhere to be found, and the sun hung in the sky all by itself. Just like tourists they explored the city that would be the closest thing to home for the next few years, only now taking the time to appreciate what it had to offer.

"Will you marry me?"

The two rode the cable cars through the sloped streets, as an old man that looked in about his seventies approached Marissa for her hand in marriage. Marissa smiled at the sweet old man who meant no harm and decided to just play along.

"That's very sweet of you…" She replied warmly.

"Please?" The old man asked hopeful.

"I don't think I'll be a good enough wife for you." She said with a smile. "Sorry, I didn't catch your name…"

"Frank…I'm sure you'd be okay, I'm easy to live with."

"I'm very sure you are" she said not wanting to hurt his feelings, although she knew he may not remember this even happening after another ten minutes.

Ryan just observed this little scene play out in front of him and couldn't help but be entertained, but decided he'd just step in to help her. "I'm sorry Frank, I already asked this little lady to marry me yesterday, and unfortunately, she's already said yes." He smiled at Frank then back at Marissa.

Frank let out a huge sigh, "Okay…I guess, I guess the better man won…you'll take care of her won't you?" he said with a defeated look on his face.

"Absolutely", he replied before frank gave one final nod and he walked away to find a seat.

Marissa turned back to Ryan and smiled, "Little lady huh", and he laughed. "Thanks" she said while tapping him lightly on the chest.

They took the tram right by Market Street and made their way towards Union Square for a spot of shopping as requested by Marissa. At a distance they looked like a happy couple. Marissa tried on multiple outfits at Saks as Ryan sat on the complimentary sofa by the change-rooms and gave his judgment as she came out numerous times with a new look. She playfully walked out each time as if strutting on a runway posing twice seductively by the end of the change-room hall and immediately, they would both break out into laughter.

Ryan watched her, stumped completely by how amazing she looked each time, while he rarely got to see this spontaneity out of Marissa, he could still clearly see it was still her and it wasn't an act. It was just the side of her you rarely got to see back home because it was always being clouded with the drama that would find its way back into their lives. It was like a flashback into their first Christmas as they'd gone shopping, only this time she didn't seemed to be so burdened.

"Are you ready for lunch?" Ryan asked as they left the register after having paid for her purchases.

"Yes, I'm getting hungry."

"Do you want to stay around here to eat?"

"She suddenly had an idea, "No, let's grab some lunch and have it in the park."

"Okay so where?" He asked.

"There's this place I've always wanted to visit!" She said eagerly.

&&&

"This is where you've always wanted to visit in San Francisco?" He said a little surprised as they both stood on the grass in Alamo Square.

"Yes! When Sum and I would watch Full House, this is the place they'd have a picnic at, at the end of the opening credits."

Ryan and Marissa stood there looking out at the Postcard Row; the Six-Sister houses that sat in line radiating the architecture of the Victorian era while the City Skyline sat behind it.

She sat down with her food and patted a spot of grass beside her, "Come on sit, you should enjoy this, it's like Architectural and everything." She said without really knowing what she was going on about.

"Thanks Riss", he said sarcastically, but still enjoyed the picturesque scene nonetheless.

Marissa had been trying to tame the calamari with her fork; its elasticity was proving difficult as she tried to carve off a piece. She battled with her seafood from her container and suddenly lost control of her fork, having her seafood and salad scatter across onto Ryan's shirt. He looked down at his shirt and back up at her clearly not impressed, and she couldn't help but want to laugh. Keeping her lips pursed, a small giggle escaped her lips.

He looked back down to his shirt picking off the chunks of salad that latched on, "So…you think this is funny huh?" He said as a smirk was forming on his face and her giggle morphed into uncertainty.

"No! Ryan…Ryan…No!" she said as he nodded at her without saying a word. "No! Mine was an accident", she pleaded as he picked up the container with his left over fried rice, and she slowly began getting up.

"Okay, Okay, wait, just a second…" she said calmly and took a deep breath and he waited patiently unsure of what she was doing, next thing he knew she knocked the container out of his hand letting it all spill out onto the ground, and she got up and started running off laughing.

He got up chasing her as he regained his bearings, "Marissa!"

They ran around amongst the greenery barefoot like they were children. There were plenty of near misses as they ran in and out amongst other people, dodging them as they were having lunch. He caught up to her and grabbed her waist which caused them to both fall to the ground with her hovering over him.

It was at the moment like many before that the world around them became quiet. There was no sound, no chatter, no birds, no traffic; just complete stillness. She looked down at him trying to catch her breath, and she couldn't imagine wanting to be anywhere else.

Ryan looked up at her, with her body blocking out the sun from his vision, she looked as if she was almost glowing, like gold had outlined her body. She really was his Godsend. They could feel each breath they exhaled, and as she felt his body rise and fall from taking deeper breaths, he could almost feel her heartbeat quicken its pace.

It was there, they were both hesitant, but it was there and they both wanted it; even Ryan who had been denying her all this time, couldn't help but fall in love with her all over again as he stared up into her eyes.

"Hank! Hank come here!" A little girl cried out, which in turn distracted them from what they had both been longing to do.

A large Labrador was making their way over to the two who were still lying in the grass, with curiosity. Marissa started to get up, as did Ryan, hiding their disappointment. The Labrador made his way over to Marissa and she stroked its silk coat, as he unexpectedly licked the side of her face. Ryan just smiled again to himself, thinking that this dog had gotten further than he did, and couldn't help but laugh.

&&&

"So where to now?" She asked as they both cleaned up the mess they had made from lunch. Both not having made mention of their close encounter, they carried on as best they could as if nothing had changed.

"I think there's still one place we should visit before we go…" He said softly and gave up his half smile to her.

&&&

Both of them sat on a park bench on a hill by the tip of one side of the Golden Gate Bridge overlooking the city and its watered surrounds.

"It's beautiful…" She said as she looked out to the panoramic view she was fortunate enough to witness. "We're not in Kansas anymore, are we?" she said feeling a little overwhelmed

He rubbed the side of her arm to comfort her, hearing the uncertainty reside in her voice. "No we're not Dorothy…" he answered.

She smiled at his remark while keeping her focus to the beauty in front of her. Together they sat there, hours they spent until the sun had gone down and lay to rest in preparation for another day.

He watched her, again becoming enamored by her as she became enamored with the city.

Occasionally they got caught up in idle conversation, but for the most part they sat in a comfortable silence; filled with thoughts of the days events, the slopes of the city mirrored exactly the high's and low's of how they felt.

&&&

"Oh that guy, yeah he was in classics for the most part, but you know as soon as we left, he'll be checking out of the video store with, The Great Escape, Citizen Kane, and Good Will Humping." He stated matter-of-factly as they both laughed all the way up though his apartment building. Their laughter echoed through the halls and walked through the door.

"Okay, which one first?" She asked as she looked at the titles of the DVD's in her hand.

"Seeing as how, all we've done is watch you and Summer's girly movies, I think it's time we watch something with a little more action, huh."

"Yeah okay, which one?"

"I say we start with The Bourne Identity." He answered.

As she placed the disk in the tray, Ryan went to the kitchen to go and make popcorn. Marissa took off her shoes and sat cross-legged on the couch. Moments later he returned with a bowl of popcorn, setting it down on the coffee table in front of them.

"Hey! I thought I heard people" Sarah said rather cheerfully as she came out from her room. She noticed the popcorn and some previews come up on the television, "You're watching a movie?"

"Yeah, uh, The Bourne Identity", Marissa answered trying to be civil.

"I love that movie!" She exclaimed as she invited herself to a position next to Ryan, who now sat in the middle, wedged like sandwich meat.

&&&

He watched as the suspense on screen would catalyze unexpected physical and verbal reactions out of her body; laughing to himself as she would make commentary towards the actors as if they could take her advice. He would speak up and make fun of her, in which she would playfully elbow him on the arm, as a third could only do as much as sit there and look to the corner of her eye in quick glances.

"You should've just stayed where you were! Now you're dead, see, stupid!"

"You've already seen this, so you already know he's going to die. That'll never change you know." Ryan said as he joked with her.

"Aah, you shush." Sarah responded as she got up and threw the pillow she had onto his lap. She walked over to the refrigerator and reached for a case of beer. "Ryan? Marissa?" She called out to them on the couch as she held up bottles of Pilsner.

"Oh, no thank you", Marissa politely replied.

"Yeah, I'll have one", Ryan accepted.

Sarah came walking over with two bottles in hand and passed one onto him, and settled back into her spot. Characters on the television seemed to pass Marissa by as she sat in silence and would inconspicuously observe how the other two beside her would interact. She sat there as the film played on, grabbing for popcorn occasionally, just so she would have something to do with herself, hoping time would pass by quicker this way.

"Hey what are you doing? You're finishing my beer." Ryan pointed out lightheartedly.

"What are you talking about? This is mine." Sarah said, as she retracted the bottle away from her mouth.

"No, yours is the empty one on the left. You've been backwashing in mine for the past ten minutes."

"Excuse you, I do not backwash!" She exclaimed in mock hurt. "Besides, if it was bothering you so much, why'd you let me?"

He laughed. "Well I figured it is your case of beer to begin with. But now you're just pushing it." Ryan said, grabbing the bottle out of her hand and shaking it to indicate its near emptiness.

Even in the darkness you could see their flirtatious behavior, and it made Marissa more and more uneasy, wishing she could be anywhere else, or rather that Sarah could be anywhere else. This night seemed as if it hadn't even been born out of the same day. A day filled with comfort, fun, laughter, and familiarity, were being carried off into the distance and taken away from her.

The end credits began to roll, and as Ryan went to turn the lights on, Marissa uncrossed her legs to stretch them out, and rubbed her eyes for them to adjust coming from the blackened room.

"So what'd you think of it?" Ryan asked Marissa in regards to the movie; where it even felt like forever since he had actually said anything to her.

"Um, it was okay…but I didn't really get it though." She answered rather truthfully knowing that her mind had wandered throughout it on multiple occasions.

"What's not to get?" Sarah jumped in rather bluntly, a little bewildered that there was anything for her not to understand.

Marissa was slightly hesitant, feeling as if Sarah had put her on the spot. "Ah…well, uh…well how come they were out to get him, even though they knew he was part of their organization?"

"They were under the impression he went rogue and was double crossing them." She answered with a look on her face as if it had been the most obvious thing in the world.

Marissa just nodded slowly while setting her focus to everything else around her other than Sarah. Ryan walked up from behind, rubbing Marissa back gently as he proceeded to the kitchen carrying empty beer bottles. Marissa didn't know whether to be comforted by him or take offence. 'What is this?' she thought 'An…it's okay if you're slow, pat on the back', and how she wished she could just go back in time, caught up in the moment where Ryan held her on the soft grass.

"I know, Mandy Moore didn't make an appearance, but I thought Franka Potente was rather good in this." Sarah said snapping Marissa back into reality. Was she innocently saying this because it was in her nature to be forthright, or was she really trying to have a go at her?

"Where's your bathroom?" Marissa spoke up kindly in order to divert the subject.

Ryan had the rubbish bag in his hands on his way to throw it out downstairs, "Yeah, just down the hall to the left." He said as he closed the door behind him.

Marissa got up a little too eager leaving Sarah by herself on the couch. Upon entering the bathroom she locked the door and leant her head against it. Her eyes closed, wanting to just get away if only for a brief moment. Walking over to the sink she splashed water on her face and looked up into the vanity mirror, trying to let the heat from her embarrassment subside.

"Are you okay?" Ryan asked earnestly as she walked back out into the living room.

"Actually, I'm pretty tired, I think I'll just call it a night, plus I have class tomorrow." She said yawning, as she put on her best attempts to look drained.

Ryan nodded, "Okay, I'll take you home then." He answered her, as he watched Marissa go over and grab her belongings.

"This was fun." Marissa said, putting on a smile for Sarah.

"Yeah, we should do it again sometime." Sarah answered feebly.

Sarah looked on as Ryan put his hand on the small of Marissa's back and led her out the door of their apartment.

The journey back to Marissa's was quiet, Ryan would generally ask if she was okay and if she had a good time, and Marissa would honestly express she had a good day, but fib about her having a great night. Marissa sat there feeling impotent; unable to change how she was feeling as she sat in the front seat. Ryan sat there oblivious to what had really been going on in her mind, as if it were only Marissa that was dwelling on their day's events and had it mean something. As if it were only her that remembered their near encounter and wished they could rewind the tape and pick up where they had left off.

"So, I'll see you soon." He said with a warm smile as they pulled up in front of her building.

"Yeah…" she smiled back at him, closing the door and stood there with a slight wave until he began to drive off.

&&&


	8. The Unexpected Visitor

A/N I'm not from the U.S. so I've had to wing it with the whole Thanksgiving thing. Please R&R. Thanks again.

&&&

"Aah…Turkey Day, T-Day, either way you say it, you know what today is Summer...?" Seth beamed as he looked out onto the balcony into a bright November morning.

"Thanksgiving. Hey look, I think I'm getting pretty good at this." Summer said as she gave herself kudos for operating the electric mixer."

"Aw, my very own Martha Stewart." He teased as he walked over to her on the kitchen bench and kissed the side of her head. "What've you got there, my dear Summer?"

"Well while you were snoozing you're ass off, I've been up since seven and got started on what we're going to eat today. Here we have, Pumpkin Pie a la Summer." She displayed proudly, as he went to grab a fork, and attempt to take a bite. Like a built-in reflex she slapped his hand away. "Seth it's for the guests."

"What guests? Ryan and Marissa aren't guests." He argued.

"I just want everything to be perfect you know. This is like our first Thanksgiving away from home, and I know it's your favorite holiday next to Chrismukkah and I just want to do a good job." Summer said hopeful.

Seth grabbed her hand and led her towards him, and held her close, "You will do a good job. I have faith. If not, I have Mr. Wong; open everyday including public holidays, 10 'til 7." She laughed at his comment but was thankful for his underlying sincerity.

"I'm off to Ryan's." Seth said as they pulled away from each other, with Summer going back to her whipping the cream.

"Hey, aren't you going to help me?" she asked.

All of a sudden a knock came at the door and Seth went over to reveal who their morning arrival was. "Why, hello friend." He said rather chipper.

Summer poking her head out of the kitchen, asked "Coop, what are you doing here so early?"

"Kyle left yesterday night, it was getting kind of boring back at the apartment, so I thought I'd come by early and help at least. I hope you don't mind." Marissa said as she walked in and took off her jacket.

"See, Marissa's here, she'll gladly help you"; Seth's cheerfulness going up a notch.

"Cohen, why can't you just do your little Seth-Ryan time, another day, or here even?" Summer questioned.

"Then that would put us at greater risk of actually having to do something."

Summer rolled her eyes as he walked out the door, and Marissa walked over, taking a spot opposite her and continued with chopping vegetables that had already been started on.

Marissa was actually glad that Seth had left for she desperately needed to vent some frustration she'd kept in for a week. "I hate men!" She cried out.

Summer looked up abruptly from whisking the eggs, "Okay, a little left field, but I'll bite. What'd Ryan do now huh?"

"It's not Ryan. It's Sarah. It's Ryan and Sarah." She tried to explain.

"There's a Ryan and Sarah now?" Summer trying to clarify.

In Marissa's frustration she began chopping the carrots vigorously, in uneven pieces, becoming more violent as she neurotically muttered sentences to herself that Summer could barely keep up with. "'Oh sorry, is that your beer, here I'll just drink from it and we can exchange saliva!' 'What's not to get? He like double crossed them and went rogue!' Whatever that means 'Sorry no Mandy Moore, but I thought Frankie Potent was just as good!'" Marissa finished as she completely decapitated the remainder of the carrot brutally.

"Franka Potente?" Summer corrected.

"Well…Whatever!" Marissa snapped. She took a deep breath, "Sorry Sum." She said calmly, now having at least released some of her anxieties. "Sometimes he just makes me so…Aargh!"

Summer understood something must've happened for Marissa to be so – Un-Marissa like. She looked to Marissa to see if it was okay for her to talk yet, as if she had needed permission. "Coop, that was a little…uh…"

"Scary?" Marissa finished for her.

"Actually I was going to say violent. You want to try this again, with like whole sentences and less sharp objects?"

Marissa began explaining to her the entire day they spent together the previous week, the breakfast, the old man, the shopping, the near kiss, the sunset, as Summer held on to every word and would occasionally throw in a comment of how sweet it must have been.

"…then we came back to his place to watch some movies, and Sarah joined us."

"She's a little…you know, but couldn't have been that bad." Summer responded.

"They were flirting." Marissa stated bluntly but rather sullen.

"In front of you? They would not! That skank"

"That's just it, I don't really know if they were doing it on purpose."

"Oh she knew what she was doing…" Summer said now getting a little worked up.

"I don't know…I guess I was just a little hopeful that we would get back together, maybe that was just my wishful thinking. Maybe he thinks it was a mistake."

Summer's face grew with empathy, "Maybe he doesn't, have you talked to him…"

"No, not since the day I last saw him."

"Talk to him." Summer encouraged.

"Say what? I want to get back together when he probably still doesn't" Marissa said as if she were losing hope.

"Are you just going to keep this in?"

&&&

"Too bad your parents couldn't make it to Thanksgiving."

"I think they're just thankful we're not there to walk in on them making out in the kitchen anymore."

Ryan and Seth were going back and forth with light conversation as they sat on the floor trying to behead each other's warriors on the television screen.

"Besides, I think they've got Julie Cooper, and some other socialites coming by the house." Seth continued.

"Hey have you seen Marissa at all this week?" Ryan wondered.

"Saw her in class, and as I was leaving to come here, she arrived at our place. Why?"

"I don't know, just haven't heard from her since last week."

"What happened last week?"

Although Ryan was well aware Seth was hardly the person to tell secrets, he was still one of the only people he could really be truthful with. "We, ah…sort of, almost…kissed."

Seth pausing the play-station, turned his head to face him, "Almost?"

"A dog came…"

"This is huge." Seth exaggerated now turning back to resume their game play.

Ryan didn't sound so convinced that it was, "…not that huge."

"Dude, this is like, the closest you guys have gotten ever since you broke up."

"We didn't break up, we're on a break."

"Same thing. When did it happen?"

"Last week, when we were out together?"

"You're going out?"

"No, we're not going out, we went out." Ryan said making it clearer.

"So...?"

"What?"

"Are you getting back together?"

Ryan sighed and thought about the question just posed to him, "I don't know yet…I just think we just got caught up in the moment." He answered.

"An 'I love you, please kiss me now' kind of moment?"

"No, just when you're that close to someone and everything's familiar. I just don't think it necessarily means we're ready to get back together."

"Is it going to be awkward with you to over for Thanksgiving?"

Ryan barely gave it another thought, "No, we were fine last time I saw her, I think she and I both know we just got caught up, and it was a lapse of judgment."

"If you say so, buddy."

"Hey guys, isn't it a little too early for that?" Sarah said walking in as she observed the two of them on the floor, in rigid positions from playing.

"It's never too early to kick Ryan's ass."

"So, what are your plans today?" Ryan called out to her in the kitchen.

She came back with a bowl of cereal in hand and sat down on the single armchair near them to eat breakfast. "I don't know. I'll probably just stay home, why?"

"On Thanksgiving?" Seth asked as if it had been the most confounding thing he'd heard.

Sarah just replied nonchalantly, "Yeah, well we've never really celebrated Thanksgiving, or any other of the major holidays. Our family wasn't really big on it."

"What about your brother, or Roy?" Ryan asked.

"Yeah like I said, our family wasn't big on the holidays, and Roy's not really big on anything really. Besides, he probably won't be up 'til the crack of sunset."

"You're going to stay home and alone on Thanksgiving?" Seth asked once more, dramatizing the situation further.

She swallowed another bite out her cereal, "It didn't seem that bad until you said it."

"It's Thanksgiving. No one should be alone on Thanksgiving. You can come with us." Seth said as he sliced the head on his opponent in one swift motion.

&&&

"Isn't it beautiful?" Summer looked in amazement at the golden brown turkey as it sat on the oven tray; looking proud at her culinary achievements as if it were her first born.

"It's great…but I think just leave it back in the oven, it might get cold or something." Marissa smiled sincerely; quite pleased they managed to pull this off.

"The guys better be on their way here."

"I'm sure they won't be long, Seth especially wouldn't miss this", Marissa now making her way to start on mashing potatoes. "I think we've made too much though, there's only like four of us."

Rustling of keys were becoming more and more audible, as its possessor seemed to be coming closer and closer to approach their destination. The door knob began turning and Seth walked in bearing a huge smile on his face as if he'd open up the door to a candy store, upon seeing some of the food that was laid out on the dining table.

"What do you think, Cohen?" Summer asked in great spirits while she washed up some used utensils.

He walked up from behind quickly giving her a kiss, "It's beautiful, very impressed. I told you, you could do this."

"Oh your parents called earlier, just wanted to wish us a happy Thanksgiving."

"Where's Ryan?" Marissa asked, wondering why Ryan hadn't been a step behind him.

"Oh they're coming up" Seth said apathetically as he made his way and stopped in front of the oven.

"They?" Summer and Marissa said in unison, rather surprised.

"Yeah, Ryan and Sarah." He said casually, now opening up the oven to inhale the fragrance of the turkey. He stood there with his head bowed into it with eyes closed as if he were in complete bliss.

Marissa stopped with the potato masher in her hand by the counter, and Summer a knife, she was in the middle of rinsing at the sink, both standing there unaware of their raised utensils as if they had been put on pause.

"Did Ryan invite her?" Marissa now asked.

With his head still by the turkey and his eyes still closed, "No, no, I did…She had no one to spend Thanksgiving with, so I invited her" he expressed as if he had done a good deed.

"Oh you invited her?" Summer asked rhetorically, clearly not at all pleased. She looked on as he was completely oblivious to what he'd done. "I wouldn't stick your head too close to that oven, Cohen." She said, slightly coming off as a threat.

He stood upright and opened his eyes, confused as to what she was talking about.

"Happy Thanksgiving!" Ryan called out as he entered through the door with Sarah closely behind.

"Happy Thanksgiving, guys", she said with an uncertain smile.

Summer and Marissa stood there with fake smiles indented onto their cheeks. Summer was the first to speak up, "Oh, the food isn't ready yet, so just…uh…relax and uh…make yourselves comfortable." 'But not too comfortable' she finished off as a thought in her head, aimed toward the beauty a few feet away.

"Everything looks great", Sarah complemented as she walked over to the living room and sat on the couch to watch some parade that had been on in the background, as did Seth.

Ryan walked over and into the kitchen to greet the girls, making his way toward Marissa first. "Happy Thanksgiving", he said, pulling her into a hug. She returned his embrace a little distant, not wanting to get too close.

"Happy Thanksgiving", she repeated without much effort, patted his back, and went back to the task she'd been distracted from, and Ryan sensed that their embrace was a little awkward, but let the notion pass.

"I haven't heard from you since last week, where've you been?" Ryan asked, trying to start a conversation.

She kept her eyes focused to the deconstructed vegetable in the bowl in front of her, purposefully not looking back at him as if she were too busy. "Oh, you know, just school. Its getting busier in the final stretches." She said directly.

"Yeah, I know what you mea-"

"-Summer, are these done?" Marissa said cutting him off and turning her back on him to face her with the mashed potatoes held up.

Summer sensing Marissa not wanting to talk to him, "Yeah, looks good. Ryan where's my hug?" She asked only to get him out of Marissa's way; which worked as he smiled back at her and made his way over.

"What do you have Summer? I need a drink." Marissa said bluntly when it were only the two of them in the room, searching through their cupboards.

"We have a case of champagne Kirsten sent over. She thought we should at least have them in case for special occasions and stuff."

While Summer and Marissa worked quite bitterly in the kitchen at the thought of their fifth guest in the house to rain on their parade, and Marissa became a bottomless pit for alcohol, Seth and Ryan decided that they would teach Sarah the wonderful ways of the Ps2. Ryan sat behind her on the couch as she sat beside him on the floor, occasionally leaning down over her to explain some of the controls.

"Okay, so this is to what?" She asked looking up into his eyes.

"That's to maneuver the sword." Ryan replied.

She returned to her battle with Seth, getting over excited at certain points when she would do something good. Marissa and Summer could hear her shrieks from the kitchen and would take turns rolling their eyes at each other as they continued to slave away in preparation for dinner.

"Did I win! Did I just win?" She exclaimed

Seth shook his head unable to admit defeat, "That was beginners luck."

Ryan laughed, "Actually, she was pretty good" he said as he nudged her knowingly.

"See Seth, I have potential." She said in mock arrogance. "You should practice with me when we're back at our house." Sarah said casually.

He gave her a friendly smile, "Yeah, of course, so you can beat Seth more often" he laughed.

Summer made her way out to the dining table to set the table, laying out the plates and cutlery. Her facial expression was almost exuding anger as she would observe from the corner of her eye, the little physical gestures and body language Ryan and Sarah would do toward each other. Her head beginning to steam as she would look on to see how Sarah would always let her hand find a way back to Ryan's leg or another part of his anatomy.

"What's she doing?"

"I knew you couldn't trust anyone who's willing to drop their pants in front of strangers." Summer said bluntly and Marissa couldn't help but laugh. They could hear Ryan and Sarah laughing and Marissa began shaking her head.

"I'm like the fifth-wheel" Marissa said as she took another gulp out of her flute.

Summer began feeling bad for her, and made her way out to the main area. "Seth, can you help me with something please?" She called out sweetly.

Seth got up rather quickly, "Yes, Summer my love?" he said as she nudged her head in direction of the bedroom, and he smiled at the thought of what Summer may have in mind.

She closed the door behind them making sure they weren't to be heard.

"I love how you think Summer, but we have guests, I don't think we shou-", he said in a calculated whisper before she cut in.

"Believe me, the last thing you're getting is me flat on my back Cohen, so don't even go there!" she whispered back clearly angered even further. "How could you do that?" She continued as she pinched his ear making his face twist in an awkward pose.

"Ow! Do what? What are you talking about?"

"You invited that flirting hyena!" Summer said as she let go of him.

"Who?" He asked still totally ignorant.

"Sarah! She's out there flirting with Ryan, right in front of Marissa!"

"They're not flirting, even if, Ryan wouldn't do that; and she's not a hyena"

"Her laugh allows me to beg to differ" She said straightforward. "Open, your eyes Cohen it's happening right in front of you."

"She's harmless, and even if they're on a break, Ryan wouldn't do anything."

"Oh yeah, the first time they went on a break, he slept with his old girlfriend who almost had his baby."

Seth sighed, "Well what am I supposed to do, she was alone on Thanksgiving, and we were there, we couldn't just leave her knowing she was by herself."

Although Summer knew he meant well, she just shook her head and walked out of the room; disappointed at the thought of how her best friend, who was undoubtedly becoming more drunk, was spending her Thanksgiving.

&&&

A/N to be continued…


	9. The Water Under the Bridge

A/N I planned this a long time ago, so for the person who mentioned it, good call; you'll know what I'm referring to by the end. Thanks again. Hope you all like it.

&&&

While Seth went back to the living room with Ryan and Sarah, Summer and Marissa were going back and forth between the kitchen and the dining table to put the finishing touches on their first Thanksgiving Feast on their own.

"Okay guys…uh…Turkey…uh Turkey dinner…uh dinner's ready." Marissa slurred calling out as she slightly stumbled to take a seat at the table, and Summer looked a little apprehensive that she may not make it through the rest of the night.

The other three by the television had walked over, taking their turns to compliment the girls on what a great job they had done. Summer sat at the head of the table, with Marissa at the opposite end still with a glass in hand. With Ryan and Seth on either sides of Summer at their six-seat dining table, that left a free space on Marissa's left, and Sarah next to Ryan was to her right, where she may as well have sat alone, she may have been drunk but even if, she felt just as distanced from everyone else.

"I feel its only right we let Summer carve the turkey." Seth spoke up.

"Oh! We should do that thing first you know when we say stuff like what we're thankful for and everything." Summer said ecstatic. "Okay, well I'll go first. I am thankful that I got to go to Berkeley with the dearest people in the world to me. I am thankful for Cohen, even though Seth can drive me insane, and act before he thinks…" she said emphasizing the last few words, "I wouldn't know what I'd do without him. Lastly, I'm thankful for Marissa, whom with which this dinner wouldn't be half as good if I had done it alone."

Marissa raised her glass and mimed 'Thank you, Sum-MER!' as if she were singing and hit a high pitched note, and flicked her hair around. The other four at the table were confused as to why she had gotten drunk, but looked on amused by her actions.

"Okay, I'll go next, I am thankful for this beautiful weather for one of my most beloved holidays. For my friends, my wonderful and amazing, and not to mention forgiving, very forgiving, girlfriend Summer. I am thankful for Sony Play-station, the proud sponsor of Seth-Ryan time," he said as Ryan just rolled his eyes and laughed at his remark. "And I'm thankful for the invention of aspirin, which Marissa will obviously need a ton of tomorrow morning." He said smiling, and the drunken Marissa thanked him by flashing her pearly whites in a daze and took another sip.

Ryan was now wondering what had gotten into her to catalyze her drunken behavior, but continued on despite the fact she was now pouring herself another glass, raising the bottle up and down and watched the champagne glass miraculously catch the liquid as if it were magic. "Okay, uh...Well I'm thankful for my friends of course, the ones I have, and the new ones I've met, and all the people who've helped me get this far in life, which I didn't think I could."

"He does us all proud doesn't he?" Marissa said evidently sarcastic with a huge smile and a light clap of her fingers.

"Anyone want to take the glass away from her…" remarked Seth.

Sarah felt a little awkward being amidst strangers, but proceeded after Ryan nonetheless and just thought of whatever was at the top of her head. "I'm thankful for having met great people who were kind enough to include me as part of their thanksgiving."

Marissa just smiled at her and clapped her hands together lightly to applaud her. "You would" she said softly to herself, not really sure of what she was saying. "We're a very welcoming group, especially Ryan. We love Ryan."

Ryan just humored her drunken state to override the situation, "Thank you Marissa, I love you too."

"Hah! You're not pulling that one over me again! No sir!" She scoffed, rolling her eyes to take another sip until realizing it was her turn, "Me?"

Marissa looked around the room to see if she could be thankful for anything that's in there, turning to the doorway stand to see if she could be thankful for the keys that sat on it, the lampshade that made nice flickering patterns off the wall, the piece of lint on her sweater. "My turn? Okay I'm thankful for…uh…for uh…no that's crap…for uh…no that's worse…uh…" she hesitated trying to think of something to be appreciative about, "I'm thankful for…uh…no…I'm thankful for…oh who cares just shut up at eat, I'm hungry", and she grabbed her spoon and took one big clump out of the stuffing and dropped it on her plate.

"Is she okay? How much has she had to drink?' Ryan said under his breath.

Summer thought to herself, "Um, way too much and about…five more after that."

Dinner was hardly a bore with Marissa's random antics and after dinner, they had just sat around watching television and talking while Marissa passed out on the couch. It was late and Sarah was nodding off, so they best decided they should get back home. They both walked to the door to exit with Sarah holding onto his arm and leaning her head falling asleep slowly on his shoulder, which didn't impress Summer one bit, on top of the fact she was never impressed with this girl to begin with.

"Is she going to be okay?" Ryan asked concerned as he nodded towards the peaceful looking Marissa.

"Yeah, she'll just crash here and go home tomorrow, once her hang-over dies. You don't have to worry about her." Summer said, choosing her words carefully.

The four of them quietly said their goodbyes, and Ryan and Sarah headed off home together.

&&&

"…You're up."

The room became clouded as Marissa began to flicker her eyes, and in waking was overcome with uncontrollable throbbing pains in her head; it was the morning after. Summer had been sitting with a coffee in hand as Marissa stirred still horizontal from passing out on their couch the previous night.

",Morning." Marissa said groggily.

"You were quite the guest last night." Summer said as she offered up the coffee in hand as Marissa began to sit up.

Montages of the previous day were coming back into her mind like a slideshow, "Sorry…" she said sincerely.

"You okay?" Summer wondered, as if to ask if she should become concerned.

Marissa nodded reassuringly, "I'm okay…Don't worry I'm not reverting back to my high school days, if that's what you were thinking."

Summer smiled, "well, while old school Marissa was a blast, that's not what I was thinking."

"Really?"

"Not at all. I don't think you drank last night to forget like you use to. I just think the way those two were acting, would cause anyone to want to drink." Summer said understanding with a small smile arising on her face.

"God, I must've looked like an idiot." Marissa said rolling her eyes at herself. "I just didn't want to sit there having to listen to them again. I may have been drunk, but I could hear every word they said, every flirtatious tone they said it in…It's happening Summer."

Summer looked at her confused, "What's happening?"

"Change…I think he's moving on, meeting new people, doing what we said we'd go out and do. I want him to be happy, but it's hard watching him do this. I can't watch him do this. Does that sound selfish or immature?" Marissa said as despair seemed to show through the cracks.

Summer sat there as her best friend became torn, and grew in sympathy for her, "I don't know about selfish or immature, but I think that it would be hard for anyone who's still in love with someone, to see signs of that person moving on and being with someone else…"

Marissa leant her chin upon her hands and shook her head, "I love him, you know…as a friend, but I still want more than that, and I don't think that he does. Not now, or even if…it's hard, sometimes it's hard, being friends but secretly wishing that it were more." She paused briefly, "they must've thought I was an idiot last night, he must've thought that even more so, probably getting flashbacks into pre-therapy Marissa."

"He, of all people, doesn't think you're an idiot." Summer clarified.

"I thought he was going to stay, you know, make sure I was okay…" she said softly.

Summer became puzzled, "is that why you drank? Were you testing him to see if he'd stay and try to piece you back together?"

"No. God no. Those weren't my reasons at all. I just…thought…I don't know what I thought." Marissa answered feeling a little lost.

"You're not that same person you know. You're not that fifteen year old, who once needed that. You're stronger, wiser, you've remained the bigger person in all of these; putting your own interest aside for someone else. Of course that wasn't all based on last night's performance", Summer laughing toward the end. "But I see it, and so does he. Which is why I just think he knows that you don't need saving, but it doesn't mean he doesn't want to be the one to save you in the event that you do."

Marissa looked back up at her and knew every word she meant was right.

"I don't think he saw you as drunk and distraught trying to fix a problem with a bottle, I just think he knew you had a bit too much to drink and left it at that."

"Either that or he was just too pre-occupied with someone."

"He may have been a jerk to flirt with another girl in front of you, but underneath all that, he still cares."

Summer got up and sat next to her on the couch and hugged her; Marissa appreciating the fact that no matter what, the person beside her would always be someone she could count on. "I better get going…" Marissa sighed.

"Are you sure? Are you okay to drive back? We can have breakfast. Oh you know, we should go and do a little post Thanksgiving sale shopping."

"No it's okay, I'll be fine…Sale sounds good, we can go tomorrow, once my head stops feeling like an anchor." Marissa said getting up with Summer following.

"It's going to be okay. Okay?" Summer replied trying to reassure her.

"Yeah…"

"What're you going to do?"

"…Get some space." She concluded.

&&&

Driving home through the streets of San Francisco, led her heart to feel heavy. In passing the manicured lawns, the tailored streets, she watched how the sun would hit the city and illuminated the buildings and the rooftops of houses. She watched families pack up their cars to go on a day trip, the cyclists going for an early morning ride, the people on their trams on their way to a new destination. The city became that much better after her day with Ryan, but it became that much more of a distant memory the more she relayed the events in her mind.

Without giving it much thought, Marissa carefully turned around making a detour before she headed home.

She sat there, for at least a good hour she's been sitting there. By the Golden Gate Bridge in the same spot where her and Ryan had been sitting in; waiting for no one and with nothing to be late for. As she looked at the open space around her, space was all she could think about. Was it the right decision? Is it what I need? Will this solve anything? She would doubt her decision until the beginnings of the afternoon. Watching vehicles pass, and the world move, she sat still in silence until a phone call would disrupt her thoughts.

"Hey, did I wake you?"

"No, it's the middle of the day." She said as her eyebrows furrowed.

"I just wanted to call, see if you were okay. You were a little out of it last night." Ryan said smiling on the other end.

"Yeah I know…impressive huh", Marissa replying with a side of her lips tipping upward.

"So are you okay? Where are you? It's like I can hear cars or something."

"Yeah I'm fine…I'm just out"

"Yeah? Where have you gotten to dear Marissa?"

"Nowhere in particular…just out." She said softly keeping her whereabouts a secret.

"Okay…" He said a little confused why she wouldn't reveal her location, but let it go. "So what are your plans today?"

"I'll be going home soon, and I guess just sleep or hang out at home the rest of the day." She said rather expressionless. She observed her bare feet hitting the earth, reminded by their run around at the park. It pained her to even try and deny the happiness that would overcome her upon hearing his voice.

But In hearing her voice he could feel as if something wasn't altogether there, nevertheless persisted in trying to talk to her. "You want to come over? Or I can go to your place. We can hang out there…rent a movie, anything?"

"It's okay, I really think I'm just going to rest..." All she wanted to do was accept, to be anywhere with him, for as much time as he would give her, as desperate as that sounded. As she rejected his proposals further, butterflies would begin to flutter around her heart and cause twinges of remorse. He really didn't know what he was doing, which made deciding to get some space that much harder, and made it more difficult to be angry and try to blame him.

On his end, his expression turned from hopeful to defeated, and he decided not to press anymore. "Some other time then…"

"Yeah, some other time", she finished. She closed her cell and held it in the palm of her hands, looking as his name disappeared off the front face display.

She sighed, realizing that this was the first she had taken in creating time apart. This is what she would do. When he would call she would say she was busy or too tired. If he would come by her dorm, she would pretend to be on her way out. In inviting her to come by she would say she had to work. This is what she would do, selfish or not, this is what she did, right into the cold whips of December, she did it.

Ryan put the phone down on the hook, feeling uneasy by their brief conversation, hoping that whatever it was he felt that he couldn't quite put his finger on, it would disappear. Right into December he would call, invite her to come over, she would say she had to work. He would come by her dorm and she'd already be on her way to leave. When he would call, she would be too tired from a late night out.

&&&

"She's not home?"

"No, her roommate said she had to go to the library to study…finals and everything coming up I guess." Ryan answered as Sarah threw him a cold beer form the couch.

She patted the empty space next to her, "Come, join me." Sarah invited as he walked over and took a seat next to her, both watching the late night movie. Sarah looked to the person beside her, in a slight daze, which he got a slight glimpse of, as the pair of eyes stared at him.

"What?" He smiled.

She just shook her head and went back to watching the program in silence.

&&&

In the times she wasn't working, studying or hanging out with Summer or occasionally Kyle. She would make her way back to the bridge. She would watch the same sun set or rise or float up above her. She would sit with an umbrella if the rain decided it would grace the city with its presence that day. Marissa would sit with a book and enjoy the quiet, or highlight textbook notes as she sat on a rug laid out on the terrain. It was here that she really only got to properly reflect on anything that had burdened her thoughts. It was here she could sit in peace, and watch the similar cars passing by her from one side to the other across the enormous mass of water below.

On one occasion as she decided that today she would take a walk and observe the view from another angle. Walking across her carefully planted steps she came to a spot and leant up against the railing. With her back turned to the fast paced traffic she looked up and felt the beams of the bridge feel as if it were coming down on her, she turned back to the water and looked down into the depths of the blue, and took a deep breath feeling unnerved by how high up this bridge actually was. This whole world was so much larger than it had ever felt when she was alone.

A thought of Ryan crept up on her as the idea of heights reminded her of him. For some strange reason a tear slid down the surface of her skin, and a few more shortly followed suit running down her face in similar paths. She laughed to herself. Despite the thoughts of Ryan that could get her into this emotional state, she smiled to herself with the memory of the Ferris Wheel, circling around like dancing images.

"NO DON'T DO IT! STOP!" A voice called out.

She looked sharply to her right, to find a young man running quickly toward her waving his hands in the air with indecipherable semaphores, stopping short a few feet away.

"You don't have to do this!" His pleaded as he leant down to his knees catching his breath.

Her face was all puffy and flushed in pink as she looked straight at him in confusion.

"Look, I know it must feel like, nothing is working right now, but I know you don't really want to do this…" The stranger said becoming desperate.

She kept staring at him and then turned back to the fence and down to the water. "I wasn't going to jump if that's what you were thinking." She said bluntly.

"Just don't do-" He said pausing abruptly. "You weren't?"

She laughed slightly, "No…I just wanted to see the view."

"Oh" He said now not knowing what to say. "Okay, now this is embarrassing." The stranger looked around dumbfounded, then just decided to walk over to her. Sticking his hand out in front of her, "I'm Ethan."

The attractive tall guy with soft brown hair looked sincerely down at her. She offered out her hand and shook it in response. "…Marissa."

&&&


	10. The New Guy

A/N Sorry this is late…

&&&

"Can I just get an earl grey, Katie? Thanks"

"Coffee, black. Thank you." They said. "You must be a regular." Ethan said as their waitress had walked off with a pad in hand.

"Yeah, you could say that. I work here." She said smiling as they sat on armchairs at Jacobs after their bridge encounter. "So what are you studying at Berkeley?

"Well the first year I was taking Psych, I liked it, and loved learning about all that stuff, but decided it wasn't for me." I'm doing something between landscape architecture and horticulture, I'm not sure what", he said laughing at himself lightly. "It's complicated. Yeah…I know, sounds a little whatever right. "

Marissa smiled back at him intrigued, "Wow, you went from studying to be someone who analyzes people, to like, a gardener"

He laughed, "I'm not going to be a gardener, not that there's anything wrong with that. But yeah, I dropped out of my humanities course as I'm obviously not very good at reading signs am I. For starters, I mistook you for being suicidal."

She chuckled, patronizing him sarcastically, "hey, I was crying and looking down from a bridge, it could happen to anyone."

"Yeah, yeah, smart ass", he responded with a smile, as the waitress came back setting their beverages on the coffee table between them.

"It was sweet though." Marissa responded as she stirred the sweetener into her teacup. "…in a raving lunatic kind of way."

Ethan and Marissa sat there for a good portion of the afternoon getting to know each other. They exchanged stories, sharing little anecdotes, as their laughter filled the air around them. She sat in her respective seat absorbing everything about him, making it so easy for her to want to get to know more. Intrigued by his personality, unafraid to make a fool of himself, he was optimistic and she was easily drawn to him. His physical attributes were a nice addition. Ethan was tall, standing in at 6'2", short and straight brown hair, with an athletic body. He had a clean cut face, with perfect symmetry in his facial structure, but he didn't look common, he had beautiful deep brown eyes that led you into his soul. Everything about him was attractive.

"So why landscape architecture?"

"I think it sounds kind of contradictory, you know, building a natural environment. I don't really know how I became interested, but I'm enjoying it, so I've stuck with it. I prefer it over a built environment, buildings, things like that, just seem too, I don't know, hollow. I don't really have anything against it, I'm just saying."

"Do you live on campus?"

"No, I rent a place on my own, not too far from here. What about you?" He enquired genuinely interested. Ethan found it hard not to be interested as he watched the modest blonde sit across him.

"I live at the dorms on campus, its not that bad, its one of those apartment type set-ups, which makes it almost feel like you have a place of your own." She looked at her watch and noticed the time slip past them, "speaking of, it's getting late I should be getting back."

"Yeah, you're right", he looked as it own watch, "wow it is late, its 5 o'clock", he said mocking her as he produced a smile which she happily returned. "I'm kidding."

"Thanks for this afternoon, its not everyday I meet someone who tries to save me from – well…not jumping off a bridge." She said teasing him.

"Okay, how long are you going to throw that in my face?" he said as he signaled to the waiter to come with the bill.

"I guess until you do something even more outrageous" she smirked.

"You're funny." Ethan replied sarcastically, setting some money on the table.

They both stood up and looked around in a brief awkward silence. "So…" she began looking around aimlessly, and he smiled back at her adorable nature.

"So…" he repeated.

"I'll see you…" she said a little unsure as she grabbed her bag and took a step outward.

"Wait..." he said as she felt a hand lightly grab hold of her arm, and she looked back up at him, hoping for something to happen. "I don't want you to walk out of here and never see you again…" Ethan said softly putting himself on the line.

Marissa couldn't help but be enthralled with his charm. He stopped a waitress and asked to borrow a pen and a sheet off her order pad, and began writing down his number. "I don't want to come off too forward and scare you away, so I'll give you my number, and if you call, I won't hide the fact that I'd be happy about it. But if you don't…then it was really nice meeting you…Marissa Cooper." He finished shyly and handed her the torn sheet.

She gave him a furtive grin and folded the piece of paper to place in her jeans pocket. "It was nice meeting you…" Marissa said as she proceeded on her way out, leaving him standing there to watch her walk away, but looked back at him giving him hope that he made a good impression and that wouldn't be the last he saw of her.

&&&

"We really need to do something…" Ryan proclaimed as they sat becoming entranced by their play-stationing.

"I've been saying that for weeks. But what can we do."

The two of them sat in Ryan's living room, doing what they do best. The sun had set on the two of them, having a non-productive day. Empty cans of coke and half eaten pizza lay around them, and the sight of the pair was almost pitiful. Their gaming drowned out the argument Sarah was having with Roy on the phone in her room; Ryan had actually reached point and gotten so used to it, he could easily tune out their incessant fighting. She walked out to main area having slammed the door behind her.

"Ugh!" She screamed frustrated.

"That seemed to go well", Seth answered with sarcasm as he knew best.

She walked over a dropped herself on the couch. "You guys have been doing this all afternoon, you know."

"4 hours –"

"…and 34 minutes." Seth said finishing Ryan's sentence.

"I need to get out of here…" she thought out loud. "We should do something, go out. Do something."

"Oh yeah, what'd you have in mind."

She thought for a moment, "It's Saturday night, we can go hit a club or something, we can go to where I work, you won't need to be carded because you're with me…"

"I don't know…" Ryan said a little hesitant, as Seth was beginning to be convinced.

"Hey, it's better than sitting here all night." He figured.

"Great, so we'll go!" Sarah said quickly uplifted and got out of her seat. "You should call and get Summer," she continued as she proceeded back to her room to find something to wear.

&&&

"Coop, you've got to come." Summer begged over the line in desperate need for reinforcements.

"I'm pretty beat, I'm not sure I'm really up for a club tonight. Actually let me rephrase that, I'm not sure I'm really up for a club that has Sarah in it." She said lightheartedly.

"I don't want to go without you it won't be as much fun. Plus, we wouldn't be the fantastic four without you, not Sarah."

Marissa tried to argue as she had begun to clear dishes back at her apartment, "Sum, I don't want to be fifth wheeling again."

"You're not fifth wheeling…take someone, ask Kyle." Summer persisted to plead with her to ensure she didn't have to go into this thing alone, as Marissa considered the possibility of just bringing her roommate along with her, but realized Kyle mentioned she would be heading out. "I can't, she's got a date, I forgot."

"Are you making this up so you don't have to come?" She asked a little skeptical.

"Kyle having a date is not far fetched Summer." Marissa laughed back into the receiver and sighed. "Okay…forget it…I'll go", she said giving into her.

After Summer had hung up she fiddled with the torn paper she had left in her pocket. She got it out and relayed the numbers repeatedly in her head; unsure of whether she should or she should decide against it. With the phone in her hand she dialed the first few numbers then cancelled again. In her second attempt, she entered the entire sequence and waited with a smile on her face in hopes that the person she was after would pick up.

&&&

The phone line went busy, after an attempt to call, no answer. Ryan hung up the handset with no luck, as Marissa's number faded back into the screen.

&&&

Marissa nervously waited for someone to pick up the line. She leant up against the wall and slid down like a young teenager that was beginning to grow an infatuation; unsure of how meeting this one person after one afternoon could have an effect on her. It kept ringing, with each ring, her anticipation grew.

&&&

Walking out of her room Sarah quickly did a twirl out by the end of the hallway in her Saturday night best. Decked out in her True Religion denim mini, an embellished top that advertised her assets, topped off with threatening stilettos, she looked amazing. He looked her up and down from the points of her shoes to the tips of her ponytail.

"You look great." Ryan said earnestly with his verdict.

Sarah went over to the coffee table and picked up her clutch. "Thanks, you're not too hard on the eyes either." She laughed, but wasn't at all kidding as he stood confident in distressed jeans and a plain black v-neck tee.

"You ready to go?"

"Absolutely."

"Seth and Summer are already downstairs", Ryan mentioned as he opened the door for her like a true gentleman, as she stepped out the door.

&&&

"Hello", the voice answered, and she could tell it was just the person she had been looking for.

Her mouth became dry and her confidence began to drain from her like fluid. "Hi, uh…Ethan?"

Never having forgotten her voice from their long conversation earlier on, he easily recognized the caller on the other line. "Marissa Cooper." He answered with a knowing smile. "I was hoping you'd call…"

"You were?" She said a little too eager and he chuckled softly.

"Yeah, I was…So what do I owe the pleasure…"

She could feel herself become a little red in sheer moments, "I just wanted to ask if you had plans tonight…a friend of mine is making me go to some club-" she hesitated, "no that sounded stupid…" she said now covering the phone, and chastising herself softly, totally unaware it was loud enough for Ethan to hear.

But to him, her apprehension just made her that much more endearing. "It's not stupid", he said trying be sincere and reassure a now startled Marissa, "besides, we got past stupid when I ran at you like a madman" Ethan continued, trying to ease the situation, in which case she felt the knots created on her insides had begun to untangle itself and she laughed at his attempted humor. "So as you were saying, a friend of yours is making you go to some club…now your turn…"

"…and I just wanted to ask if you'd like to come with me…" she continued, her verbal pace speeding up as she became much more nervous with each syllable, "I mean if you want, as friends, and like just hang out, but if you're not busy…"

"Am I making you nervous?" He said playfully, his grin so obvious and easily transmitted.

Marissa shook her head as she combed her hair with her fingers, because in truth he really was.

"I'll pick you up in half an hour", he said finally giving her an answer and putting her out of her misery.

Now exposing her teeth as her lips paved way for a smile, "Okay…half an hour then" she said calmly trying to disguise her excitement and was on her way to hang up when Ethan called out to her.

"Marissa?"

"Yeah?" She asked innocently.

"You know as much as I loved picking you off that bridge, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask for an address this time", Ethan asked, coy.

She laughed, and once revealing her location she hung up and quickly proceeded to her bedroom to get ready. As much as it wasn't a date, in which she had already made that clear to herself, Marissa felt jittery, the same excitement and anticipation you would feel if it had been.

&&&

"Cohen, you are never allowed to drive this convertible again", Summer stated as Seth was in total control of the wheel and under-speeding; Ryan and Sarah had been sitting quietly in the back as the pair out front would argue without fail. "Remind me to introduce you to someone…"

"Oh yeah and who's that?" Seth asking merely to humor her.

"4th Gear!" She spat out. "Oh! Parking, parking, parking!" Summer, as she tried to usher him toward the metered vacancy while she flailed her arms about. "Vamos!"

Seth quickly hurried to park once he heard Summer yell in Spanish.

The night felt promising, but what it had promised was known to no one. With clear skies and the stars pinned up overhead, the air was crisp and inhaling it stimulated the body. A long line formed outside of the Lotus Garden, a name concocted by Sarah's sibling; people anxious to get inside and become part of the rhythms that burned through the walls. The mix of ethnicities with one common goal, and that was to drink and dance until dawn would arrive.

"Max!" Sarah yelled out grabbing Ryan's hand to drag him towards the front of the line, with Summer and Seth footsteps behind. A large man who looked like he may have been a ring leader of a motorcycle gang in a previous life, was the gatekeeper to this popular nocturnal venue.

"Sarah", he boomed back with a smile on his face as he gave her a quick hug.

"How's tonight like?" She asked standing on her tiptoes to get a quick glance of the other side.

"Get in there and find out", he said encouragingly

"They're with me" she said whilst looking over her shoulder to indicate the three people behind her.

Max nodded his head and greeted them, patting Ryan and Seth on the back with his oversized hands. Sarah took a step and headed on in with Ryan close by her. As the three she came with were already inside, Summer became impatient as she hoped that Marissa would turn up already, poking her head out by the door she caught sight of a blonde who had with her a tall, brown haired male who had his hand on the small of her back as he guided her to the front.

Summer seemed a little confused but knew she would press for information once they got in, "Oh, they're with us too" Summer said to Max, who laid his hands once again on Ethan's shoulder giving his approval and the go ahead to proceed, while people groaned as they felt they were cutting in.

Sarah hadn't actually ever mentioned the type of club her brother ran, but it was the furthest place Death Cab would ever be heard. The music pumping through the sound system and the monster speakers were all of the hip-hop genre, as the wannabe Beyonce's and the hopeful Usher's, grinded up against the closest person near them of the opposite sex.

"Wow…this is uh, so not what I expected." Seth said gaping.

Ryan just flicked his eyebrows up in agreement. Sarah however who was no stranger to this scene was rhythmically stepping to each beat as she walked and swayed her hips from east to west, as she led the two guys toward the bar. Summer watched where they were headed and forced Marissa and her new friend to follow, as she grabbed Marissa's hand to take her two steps ahead, is when she began her ambush.

"Who's he?" She asked into Marissa's ear to overcome the Fat Joe track gracing the joint.

Marissa just smiled, "We just met…"

Summer smiled widely becoming intrigued and excited at the same time, "He's hot! I want details later once I can hear myself think again."

"Okay!" Marissa conceded, now taking two steps back to be in line with Ethan's side. Ethan seemed to take the similar but more subtle rhythmic steps that Sarah had earlier, with less hip of course, erasing any signs he had no idea how to handle this place, and Marissa smiled finding herself more and more attracted to him, as she quickly became aware that he was a good dancer.

&&&


	11. The Face Off

A/N So sorry this is late. I promise a new chapter will be up not too long after this…

&&&

Sarah slid over the bar and took the initiative to get them drinks as she greeted the regular bartender there. As if reading each others minds they would throw liquor bottles, shot glasses, pure vodka, and fruit juices from opposite ends, effortlessly letting the right amounts of alcohol skim the tops. Flipping shakers and spinning breakables off their limbs it was a textbook scene straight out of Co.cktail. Over their hands or behind their backs they would exchange ingredients, putting on a show for the customers ready to get wasted. Ryan and Seth watched the two attractive women behind the row of liquor, stunned and become simultaneously impressed.

"That's hot." Seth finally said, speaking up, as Sarah stared back at Ryan with an inviting smile, which he responded to voluntarily.

She slid over a few glasses that landed right in front of them and brought two more over as Summer approached. As they let their glasses clank against each others they downed the fiery liquid that ran down their throats in a hurry. As Ryan's head was tipped upward with the rest of them, Ethan had Marissa's hand in his and led her to the other side of the bar, while oblivious to the people that she passed. Upon getting their heads upright, Marissa and Ethan were out of sight and no one being the wiser.

As Usher's 'Yeah' came on, Sarah perked her head up, "I love this song! Come dance with me", Sarah demanded as she slid back over the bar and grabbed a hesitant Ryan.

"I don't dance…" He called out to her.

"That's okay…" She said with a sly smile as she led him to a spot on the dance floor. Taking the reigns she moved about him like a professional. She slithered against him, and Ryan showed no intention of being uncomfortable or wanting to move, to the point where he actually looked like he was welcoming it. Sarah worked around him like a predator, never losing sight of the objective, and letting her body language be all the communication that was needed between them, and drew out his playful side.

In the midst of it all, something caught Ryan's eye. A beautiful girl wrapped up in another man that looked remarkably like his ex-girlfriend. Quickly he dismissed the far-fetched thought that she was there as Sarah took another hold of him.

Seth and Summer had found their way to a position nearby as they danced disregarding the beat and being carefree, but as soon as Summer caught sight of the relentless woman, she rolled her eyes knowing her best friend who's not too far, may be witnessing the same theatrics.

Ryan and Sarah had been the furthest thing from Marissa's mind after Ethan guided her away from the bar to dance with her. Taking her by the hand and twirling her around, she giggled and he smiled back at her, and they both looked like the sweetest thing. He would come up from behind her with his arms draped over her shoulders and they would sway in sync. As she turned back to face him, Marissa, who wasn't at all use to this atmosphere, soon took after Ethan and looked like a regular, using her God given assets to her advantage, making those around her take notice.

A pair of eyes kept focus on one of the pairs on the dance floor, with a drink in hand and a rising temper, the swift movements from either party became infuriating to the onlooker. Watching from the balcony, they ran their fingers through their hair trying to keep composure. Each laugh, each seductive smile was only more reason to go over there and put an end to it. Setting down the drink, with carefully calculated steps, spiraling down the staircase they approached their target and tapped the offender on the shoulder.

"Care to explain yourself." Roy demanded of Sarah who now came to a halt.

"Oh, please, you're drunk." She refuted unimpressed and turned her back to him, and in an instant he quickly grabbed her by the shoulder forcing her to turn around almost squirming by the pressure. As soon as Roy laid a hand on her, Ryan without fail or question, stepped in.

"Hey, hey, why don't you just sleep it off man." He insisted trying to avoid making a scene.

Roy turned his attention now on Ryan having almost already forgotten he'd been there, "Is this the reason, huh Sarah!" He yelled back at her. "Your little pretty boy! Huh! Is this what you want?"

Ryan was unsure of what he had been meaning, but let it roll off his back knowing he was just another drunk. "Why don't you just calm down, we can sort this out like adults."

Roy began to snap and grabbed Ryan by a part of his shirt, "Oh yeah! Why don't you just, stay the hell out of this!" He shoved Ryan a step back and took Sarah roughly by her wrist.

"Let me go!" She ordered in a strict tone.

People around them had now begun to take notice of what had been happening right by them, Seth and Summer moved closer to get a better look at what was going on, as did Ethan and Marissa from their corner of the club, they moved forward after Marissa had realized it had been Ryan and Sarah who was involved.

Without thinking, Ryan sorted Roy like he had done many times; by the unorthodox methods he grew accustomed to while he was a growing up in his first home. Like a reflex he provided Roy with his best right-hook, his knuckles making complete contact with the left side of his face causing Roy's head to jerk across his shoulder and the room to become a haze. Sarah covered her mouth in shock, and Seth and Summer's mouths dropped at the situation with eyes wide open. Max who rushed into the scene as soon as he was aware, grabbed the drunken menace and dragged him outside.

Ryan was shaking his hand and stretching it out to overcome the sensation that began setting in after such impact. Sarah led him to a lounge seat and Seth and Summer hurried to the bar to grab some ice and back immediately over to their friend. Marissa grabbed Ethan by the hand after seeing the ordeal in order to find where they had gotten to, swerving in between the people who had gone back to carry on with their own lives.

"Are you okay?" Sarah asked concerned as Ryan began to massage his fist.

"Here put some ice on it" Summer offered with a bag of it wrapped in a tea towel.

"Not sure we were gonna see old school Ryan Atwood again…" Seth said with nothing more appropriate to say and Summer tapped him across the chest, while Ryan just smiled managing to find some humor in it, looking back down at his fist.

"Oh my God, are you okay!" Marissa asked worried with Ethan right by her, with her eyes full of alarm. After hearing her voice he immediately lifted his head to look at her after not having seen the sight of her in weeks. Ryan took his gaze to the guy next to her and without thinking, dragged his eyes and caught sight of her hand in his, which Marissa sub-consciously forgot was still there.

Seth was surprised to find Marissa there, as was Sarah, Summer could only look between the two parties of Sarah and Ryan on the seat looking back up at two standing across them. Ryan had now long forgotten about his fist, now too pre-occupied by what had been right in front of him.

&&&

She moved forward, mindlessly letting go of Ethan's hand, and crouched down in front of Ryan, repeating the question 'are you okay?' once more. He was stunned at the sight of her, this place, here and now, was the last place he thought he'd see her; Summer obviously forgetting to mention that she were the one to invite Marissa along. Ryan remained speechless and kept staring between her and the stranger.

With a million thoughts running through his mind, coming to the conclusion that Marissa had actually been dating this guy, but hoping he was making the wrong assumption.

"Are you okay, man?" The stranger speaking his first words to him. Ryan looked up without letting the words register in his mind. As Ethan spoke, it was only then that Marissa finally became aware of the situation she's created. Having already known she would sooner or later bump into him, she stood up and thought of how he could be reacting on the inside.

Ryan became tense, while Ethan on the other hand has no idea as to the complexities of the relationships that surrounded him, but now feeling awkward after no one had spoken a word in what felt like hours.

"Yeah, yeah…I'm…I'm okay…" Ryan slowly blurted out in facing Marissa.

Sarah brought her hand over and rubbed his knuckles in her attempts to make any pain remaining subside, doing her bit knowing she was inadvertently the cause of all this.

Marissa now brought her attention to Ryan and Sarah's hands that were now entwined, taking her turn to let the noise around her morph into silence and concentrate on only the visual in front of her. Ethan who caught sight of this watched between the two like pong, trying to decipher the vague signals that were being transmitted between the young woman beside him and the young man sitting below.

Summer stood by Seth, contemplating if she should be the one to step in and make the introductions. Seeing as how no one seemed that they would be saying anything anytime soon, she spoke trying to ease the tension but added to it instead, "Ah so…you guys haven't met…" She began as both parties now drew their attention towards her, which made it even more nerve wracking, "Ethan, this is Ryan and his roommate Sarah, and this is my boyfriend Seth." She said as she hand gestured towards the corresponding people, with Seth giving an awkward raise of the hand to wave, Sarah giving a small smile, and Ryan still expression still vacant. "Seth, Sarah, and Ryan, this is…Ethan, who came with…Marissa."

"We just met…" Ethan said politely stepping in, and now feeling like an outsider more than ever.

'We just met' were the words that began running circles in Ryan's head. 'What did that mean?' he wondered about the open-ended statement to himself. 'We just met…and now we're seeing each other.' 'We just met…and now we're dating.' 'We just met…and we've already slept together.' 'We just met…and I'm the reason you haven't been seeing your best friend.' There could have been a dozen possibilities, and Ryan thought of every single one.

"Look, its probably getting late anyway…" Sarah began.

"Yeah, it's getting late. We should probably be getting home…" Summer chimed in, agreeing with Sarah which was a first. Their signal to get out of this awkward situation could have not been more obvious considering it was clearly still early.

Ryan sub-consciously hearing their words got to his feet slowly and met Marissa's gaze as they stood eye level to each other. Marissa looked slightly nervous, Ryan's silence was slightly intimidating and she continued to try and consider all the possibilities that are caught up in his thoughts.

"Yeah, I think I'm all Ushered out…" Seth spoke up having nothing else to really say; speaking purely to fill in the blank spaces.

"Do you guys need a ride?" Summer asked politely. Ryan still hadn't let go of his fixation of staring at the blonde opposite him.

"Uh, no…thanks, we drove here." Marissa said softly.

'We' and there was that key word again, dancing like figure eights in Ryan's brain. 'We' as Marissa had said it, now meant her and this new Ethan character she was standing with.

As they exchanged uncomfortable farewells, Seth and Summer led the way toward the entry point, with Sarah a step behind and Ryan last completing the line, guiding Sarah out with the tips of his fingers placed to one side of her waist; now leaving Marissa and Ethan to watch them disappear into the crowd. Although they had long gone out of sight, she kept her eyes set to the spot she last saw him, hypnotized.

"I'll take you home?" Ethan asked sincerely, looking down at her expressionless face as she nodded slowly in response.

Marissa and Ethan shortly followed in the same path, proceeding through the doorway from once they came, now in the opposite direction. The night air was much colder as they stepped outside, as the stars were strung up illuminating points in the sky.

She walked in silence and Ethan had no idea what he should say, so he took a shot. "…I take it this Ryan guy…he's…an ex, maybe?" He said gently.

She looked straight up into him, "Yeah, he is…I think…"

"You think", asking once more carefully.

She smiled, "We're on a break…actually we've been apart for so long, I do think we've broken up."

Ethan saw the look on her face fall at the last part, she was like a vessel, filled with love, confusion, anxiety, and it was clear to anyone she was burdened, but with what he didn't press further to ask.

He opened the car door for her and she thanked him, stepping inside. Driving off and away into the darkness as the bright light of the strip became like candles that were burning out. With the window down the breeze would blow her hair wildly around her face and brush by her shoulders. She would stare into the side-view mirror, staring at herself so long until the image reflected would then only be stagnant shapes. Ethan would glance over at her occasionally just to make sure she was okay.

Marissa felt his eyes each time he would do this, and although she physically didn't gesture anything back, she envisioned a smile to herself, thanking him for being concerned after having only just met her. The night was amazing, their time spent together, she honestly had fun. He seemed sweet, honest, considerate, and she saw she could easily fall for him, and nothing was really stopping her.

Ethan walked her up the stairs of her building and right up to her doorstep. They stood out in the hallway as Ethan kept a hand in one pocket and used the other to fiddle with his cell, and hypnotically rocked back and forth; not expecting anything from her, but trying to keep his distance and ensure she was comfortable around him.

"So this was fun…" He said warily but with a small smile on his face, causing her to respond similarly.

"I did have fun…I'm glad you came with me." She said sincerely.

"Really? Because it got a little awkward there in the end."

She laughed, "…aside from that, I really did have a good time. So…thanks."

"Well…it was my pleasure." Ethan paused, "…and you know, if you ever need someone to create an uneasy situation with, then give me a call." He said trying to ease some tension.

His choice of words caused Marissa to smile once more, "I just might, but not for those reasons." She replied leaving the concept open, and he smiled back as she gave new hope that he will be seeing her again.

While her time away from Ryan had still been short, she slowly had actually begun feeling settled, and getting comfortable in her own space. The idea of growing, changing, possibly moving on, didn't seem all that taboo anymore. Her feelings for Ryan still drift inside her, but if it was time he wanted then she was finally okay with giving him that. This time, while they're apart she would use her time wisely and be open to change around her. Possibly start a new relationship or just gain a new friend. In any case, she concluded this time that was sought out was the right thing.

She grabbed the cell phone out of his hand and began entering her phone number and saved it into his phonebook. "If you call me…I won't hide the fact I'd be happy about it, but if you don't, then it was nice meeting you…Ethan Matthews." She said as she repeated the similar words he had used earlier on.

"Goodnight…" he replied simply with a shy smile appearing on his face.

They stood there for a moment, taking each other until he gave a slight nod and turned, walking away as she took one last look at him before opening her door and heading inside.

&&&

Ryan spent the journey home in a similar fashion; still asking himself questions as to the new person in Marissa's life. It had been quite a while by their standards, since the last time he saw her, and he never thought when they would again, that it would be like this.

The last time he had actually seen her with anyone else was with Alex, but as he was with Lindsay, it hadn't phased him all that much. After Alex though, it had always been Ryan and Marissa, and now this was a whole other experience for him. This Ethan comes out of the blue, and he knows this time he has no say whatsoever and absolutely no claim over her, all he can be is a friend, like he said they should be, which now made Ethan that much more of a threat.

A plethora of thoughts clouded his mind to the point he no loner knew what he was thinking; that everything became such a blur in everything that had happened in the past hour, he no longer could comprehend how he should feel.

In reaching their apartment he said goodnight to Sarah and strolled blankly into his bedroom. Changing out of his smoke scented clothes, he climbed into bed, falling into a deep sleep in hopes the morning would fix all things that now seemed were becoming undone.


	12. The Replacement

A/N So I promised this chapter would be up soon after the last and here it is. Thank you so much to everyone who continues to read and/or review this. There's nothing great about this chapter but this in particular was enjoyable for me to write so I hope you like it.

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The clear skies of the previous day were washed over with sullen patches of cloud, erasing the blue hues. Light rain would drop lightly onto the clear glass window, making small polka-dotted patterns. Marissa lay wrapped in her quilt like a package, never letting the light of the morning disrupt her plans to sleep a tad longer. She heard ringing, the repetitive alarms of a telephone. She hoped she was imagining it, figuring if she kept pretending it weren't there, it would disappear. After a few more rounds, it stopped which she was grateful for. Moments after the disturbance had ceased, Kyle sleepily walked into her room with the cordless phone in her hand.

"It's Summer." She said with her eyes half open and tossed the phone on Marissa's bed within her reach, and tiredly walked back out.

Marissa groaned as she let one arm escape from out of the covers and fumbled around trying to grab the handset.

"Hello?" She yawned.

"Your cell was switched off." Summer stated, clearly sounding like she had been up for hours.

"There's a reason for that." Marissa replied, unenthused.

Summer just shook her head on the other end, "Coop, we're having breakfast."

"It's too early, plus I have work later at midday."

"That's plenty of time. Get up, we'll got to Jacobs, I'll be there in twenty." She demanded and hung up the phone so Marissa wouldn't have time to refuse her once more.

Marissa took a moment then willed herself to get up out of her warm bed. She quickly got herself ready, then grabbed her work shirt and her apron, picked up her keys and drove out to meet Summer at the cafe.

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"Marissa, you're early. You're not due to start for another few hours." A co-worker of Marissa said as she walked past with a tray in hand.

Marissa yawned once again, "Oh, I know, I'm just meeting a friend here for breakfast first." She said as she grabbed one of the booths out towards the far end.

Shortly after, Summer arrived cheerfully in her Juicy Couture velour ensemble with her large sunglasses sitting on the top of her head, and her Paddington dangling off her forearm. Summer strode towards her with bounce in her step and quickly took the seat across her.

"Spill…" Summer said, cutting to the chase.

"Nice to see you too", Marissa said sarcastically.

"Come on, tell me everything!" Said the excitable brunette. "Ethan…how you met…everything."

"This is what I got up early for? We could've done this over the phone."

"Yeah but this way you get to have breakfast with me too. Come on Coop, I've been dying to know since last night." She said desperately.

Marissa looked aimlessly around the table trying to think of where she should start, "We just met yesterday, early in the afternoon."

"How?"

Marissa grabbed the menus and handed one over to Summer, and proceeded to speak as she scrolled down the list of choices. "I was out for a walk yesterday on the Golden Gate Bridge…" She smiled to herself at the memory of Ethan having run at her, crazily. "…actually he thought I was going to jump off it and he ran towards me trying to stop me."

"Marissa Cooper, were you going to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge?" She asked sternly.

"No, Summer. Why would I do that?" Marissa replied rhetorically. "I was walking across it, and out of nowhere a thought of Ryan entered my mind and I don't know…I just got emotional and started…crying I guess." She continued a little embarrassed.

"Then what happened?"

"Then, I guess he saw me from afar, saw me crying and looking out from the bridge, and came to the conclusion I was a like a jumper and tried to stop me."

Summer thought for a moment with a quizzical look on her face a little dumbfounded, "Wow, that's uh…actually no that's kind of romantic, in its own…way, I think. So then what happened?"

"Nothing, we just came back here for lunch, and just talked for the afternoon."

"Are you going to see him again?" Summer pressed further.

Marissa shrugged her shoulders, "Maybe, we've exchanged numbers, so we'll see…"

"You should – he's hot." She said frankly.

Marissa rolled her eyes, "Summer, there are other reasons to see someone other than because they're hot."

"I know that…If you guys were to procreate, you guys would have hot babies." She stated in addition to her last comment in a sudden bit of randomness.

"Summer, I've known the guy for like 24 hours, if anything we're just friends, if that. Its way too soon to start saying we'd have hot babies." She said as she playfully used her cardboard menu to tap her on the top of her head, and they just laughed together.

Summer paused a moment and spoke a little more serious, "Are you going to tell Ryan?"

"What's there really to say? Like I said, Ethan and I aren't even anything. I don't know…should I need to?" Marissa asked a little unsure.

"I don't think you need to, but I'm just asking if you're going to."

"When there's something to tell him, I'll tell him."

Summer gave a slight half smile, "How are you two anyway? Doesn't seem like you two are all that close anymore."

Marissa thought about this for a moment, considering what she and Ryan had become, partly because it was her that purposely had been keeping her distance. "We're, just taking some time off, away from each other, getting some distance…I guess."

"Are you avoiding him?"

"You know I was at first…but I don't think I am anymore. This is nothing to do with Ethan, but I guess I'm getting used to the idea of us being apart. If he meets someone or starts seeing someone else, or if I do, then I think I'm okay with that. He wanted this. I just don't feel like I need to fight it anymore."

"Well, that's good" Summer replied optimistically, knowing that this was a good sign for her best friend. "Do you still love him? Like, do you still have feelings for him" Summer asked softly, not too sure of what answer she was going to get.

Marissa sighed and let out a long breath, "…I do still love him, but right now, I just don't think its our time. It's not what he wants. It's not what I want." Marissa spoke the last five words without clarity, trying to convince herself she had just spoken the truth.

"Do you know what you want?" The waitress had come by, posing an innocent question in reference to taking their order. Marissa quickly looked up at her co-worker taken aback. Confronted with simple words that just so happened coincided with her discussion with Summer, as if it were a sign to think twice about what she had just said.

&&&

"Marethan, Marthan, Marissan, Ethissa, Ethrissa…"

"Seth, can we stop with this Siamese name game."

Seth had taken the liberty of dropping in on Ryan that afternoon. The events of last night had no chance of being concealed or become a subject that could easily roll off everyone's backs as if it were an everyday occurrence. He sat at the breakfast table as Ryan grabbed a carton of juice from the refrigerator, and poured himself a glass, as Seth became more and more unyielding.

"I will if you stop avoiding the issue."

"What issue?" Ryan said slightly irritated and clearly in denial.

Seth joined his hands together, reverently, taking a long breath, "I don't know. Say…Marissa and this new guy Ethan."

"That's not an issue…" Ryan said as he set down his glass of juice and headed out of the kitchen in direction of his bedroom, with Seth now getting up to follow.

"Oh really, you're not the least bit curious as to why they were together last night?" Seth said standing by the doorway as Ryan went towards his closet to grab a pair of jeans and a new shirt to change into and setting the fresh items on his bed.

"No. Marissa's free to do what she wants, she's a big girl." Ryan said indifferently

"So she's free to do…this Ethan guy? Seth answering with a smart ass return.

Ryan gave him an unappreciative glare as he began to pull at his wife-beater in order to take it off, but pausing as he realized Seth, who was oddly unfazed by this, was still standing by the door. "Seth!" Ryan called out and gave him a stern look to signal for him to get out.

"Oh uh…yeah of course." Seth only now realizing, got out of the way and shut the door. Now on the other side of the wooden panel, "As I was saying, you cannot tell me you're not the least bit interested in finding out who he is, or at least what the deal is with those two."

"What's the big deal they're not even dating", Ryan said in hopes that he was correct, with a muffled voice from the inside.

"No, you don't know that." Seth replied just stating the clear truth as Ryan stepped out of the room having changed. They both walked over to the lounge and sat at opposite ends, with Ryan tossing a game controller over to him getting ready to play and avoid the subject at hand. "Doesn't this bother you, at all? You haven't seen her in a while and one day, she's with some guy", Seth's tone now slowly shifting, becoming more serious.

Ryan looked around the room speechless, letting all Seth's sentences and questions absorb, and replaying out the scenes from the previous day. He wanted to know, he was desperate to know who this guy was that Marissa was with, as much as he tried to hide it. "Well what am I suppose to do?"

"You could talk to her." Seth said sincerely, offering up the perfect suggestion.

"Then say what? It's none of my business. We're not together." Ryan just shrugged as he looked down at his hands that started fiddling with the button, letting his posture fall in his last few words. It was at those words that images of he and Marissa together began to project itself in his mind; quick flashes of the moments that made solidified their relationship.

Seth observantly noticed his reaction as he could see the look on his brother's face suddenly become lost, "Is that the problem? Do you want to get back together?" He asked, trying to get to the bottom of it.

"I don't know…maybe." Ryan replied honestly.

"Well, what if by the time you do know, its too late, and then what?" Seth answered, feeling he should point that out to him. "My advice, like I said, at least talk to her, no matter what you guys end up saying, at least one thing you'll know is what you're up against in the event you do decide that she's what you want."

"I don't know what to say. I use to know. Plus, I don't know where she is, I haven't been successful in getting a hold of her in while."

"Well…just so happens, Summer had lunch with her this morning, and she said she'd be working this afternoon." Seth said, hoping Ryan would take this bit of information and put it to use.

Ryan sat there, contemplating if he should use this time to go try and talk to her. Despite still having no idea as to what he would ask or say, he got up and made his way to grab his keys and stopped for a moment to look at Seth.

"Thanks…" he said, grateful to have him there. "When'd you get to be so insightful?"

Seth just smiled, "I've always been, I just have an on/off switch, it's off sometimes." He said sarcastically.

Ryan just laughed slightly, "Alright, I'll see you back at your place later." He headed out the door and took out his cell phone from his back pocket, dialing Marissa's number to make sure she'd be there.

&&&

Marissa could feel her cell phone vibrating in her skirt pocket, so she quickly set down the ordered beverages on the customers' tables.

"Hello?" She said as she awaited a response. "Hey, I'm glad you called me…" a smile now appearing on Marissa's face as she made her way to the back of the staff only room. "I finish soon…yeah at 5, come by…"

&&&

Ryan got into his car, hopeful he may get a chance to actually speak to her this time. Pulling out of the resident's car-park, he made his way over to Marissa's workplace. As he drove, he got one step closer to seeing her again, and he felt himself become a little nervous in the stomach; hoping that when he saw her, they could just talk like they use to. Laugh at each others stupid jokes like they once did. Erase any awkward silences and let them be comfortable ones.

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"Hey!" She said as she smiled and waved to the young man who just entered the door as she began removing her apron from her waist having just clocked off.

"Hi." He said giving her a small smile as he walked over to her with both hands behind his back, a little unsure.

Marissa tried to take a look at something that seemed to be sticking out from behind and making a rustling noise. "What's that behind your back?" She asked curiously; intrigued as to what he may have been holding.

"Nothing…" He said with a grin.

"No it's not nothing. Show me." She demanded with a wide smile plastered onto her face.

Ethan gave in and brought his hands out in front of her, revealing what he had been carrying. Upon seeing them she melted, miming an 'Aww', as she brought her hands out to accept his offering. "Okay…I had to go out and do some research for one of my horticulture classes, and in passing, I got these for you. It's called Triteleia laxa, the Itherial Spear, from the Lily family. I know it's kind of lame…"

She brought the bouquet of delicate flowers that hand been wrapped up in soft ivory paper closer to her nose as closed her eyes as inhaled the sweet, subtle scent. In awe of the beautiful violet and lilac hues that blended into each other like watercolors, as the hint of yellows slowly surfaced as the petals had begun to spread out like a midnight star. "It's not lame, they're beautiful. You didn't have to."

"I know I didn't, I want to." Ethan replied, glad that she liked them.

"Well, thank you. Anyway, like I said, I'm glad you called, but what made you want to stop by?"

"I was just going to the library, and I called to see if you were home, but seeing as how you were just here and it's on the way, I wanted to say hi." He answered genuinely, as she gave him a thankful smile. "So are you all done here?" Ethan asked.

She turned her head to make sure she hadn't left anything behind by the register, "Yeah, that's it for me today."

"So, you don't mind if I walk you to your car at least."

Marissa couldn't help but be enamored by his charm, "Not at all", she said as she nodded slowly still smiling. The two of them side by side as they made their way past the people who were lined up at the counter; Ethan's efforts to open the door like a gentleman didn't go unnoticed by Marissa, or by a bystander who was only a short distance away.

Ryan watched from one corner on the opposite side of the glass from the cafe front, as passers by and customers constantly coming and going would camouflage him as he stood there motionless. His mouth soon became dry as he observed the two interact. She would smile as he offered her a bouquet of flowers, clutching at her heart in appreciation, as his own suddenly began to sink at her reaction. They would smile at each other, and she would shyly bite her bottom lip as he made a comment that seemed to make her turn candy floss pink. In that instant, he wanted nothing more at that moment to stand in his place and be the reason for her joy.

Every second he kept watching, made him want to turn away, but it was one of those moments you couldn't help but continue to look, studying every move in case you misread any signs. Ryan raised his forearm against the window pane as he rested his headed toward it, looking more intently, and taking note of every gesture, every expression, seeing if he could make out words that would stem from their lips. Wondering what he had said to make her smile, or to make her blush, to make her playfully hit him on the shoulder, and to finally make her leave with him.

As they approached the exit, Ryan's instincts told him to retreat immediately. As Ethan opened the door for her, she thanked him stepping out first, and they walked side by side on the paved street, noticing no one else around them as they seemed to be too caught up in their personal conversation, he assumed they would be leaving to go on a date. Ryan kept his eyes focused on them from a short distance away, as they finally turned a corner; he now realized why her phone may have been busy as he tried to call her not too long ago. Ryan turned in the opposite direction, walking away, with his head hung low, staring as he took every slow step on his way back to his car. He disappeared amongst the locals, defeated, and like nothing more but just another stranger passing by.

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	13. The Silver Lining

A/N Here's the next chapter. Thanks to everyone who's been reviewing. Enjoy…

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"What happened the other night? I thought you were coming by afterwards?"

"I know, but I was pretty tired so I decided just to head home."

Seth had been looking over one of his graphic design textbooks in the outdoor seating provided right by the on-campus cafeteria, while Ryan sat opposite him looking over his own work in preparation for the semester finals that were coming up.

"So did you get to talk to her?" Seth inquired, bringing his soda closer to him and taking a sip.

"No…I just must've missed her, I guess." Lying somewhat. If he continued further they would end up conversing more about Marissa and her new friend, and Ryan wasn't all that prepared to do that. "Actually you know what…" Ryan said, beginning to pack his things up from the table, "I've got to grab some books from the library, I'll see you later."

"Yeah sure man, see you later." Seth replied unbothered as his returned his attention to his notes.

Walking in through the glass doors, the noise and haywire from the outside suddenly disappeared as he entered the almost muted hall of the library entrance. Conforming to the surroundings, without a sound he made his way up the stairs into the appropriate section, passing fellow students hard at work. He reached the desired shelves and began scanning the titles on the spines of each book. Trying to focus on the task, he found that the silence only left room for his thoughts to easily surface. Since last seeing Marissa in the cafe a few days ago, shaking the images out of his mind, were proving difficult.

Her smile was the most prominent. The way she would do so with such innocence, and sincerity, but it was the reasons for her happiness at that moment, was what made Ryan's heart grow heavy. It had been a long while since he had shared in her joy, her laughter; a long while since she directed a smile towards him. Ryan missed that. Ryan missed her. All it took was one man to emerge in her life, to make him see she may not always be around waiting for him.

As if he were hallucinating, he heard her voice. Ryan could hear soft whispers and laughter coming from nearby; her voice, her laugh, that was trying to be contained in order to keep the peace. Was this all in his mind because he had just been thinking about her? Was it just wishful thinking that she would appear as he desired her? About to pick up another text he removed his hand and turned around to see if he could find her.

Peering through the gaps in the shelving that the uneven books had created, he began searching to where the source of that laughter had been coming from. Walking out to one side he stuck his head out, looking to his left then to his right, seeing if she were on the approach on the walkway, but no one, except the soft whispers continued. It was just there, merely taunting him, as if someone of a higher power had set out to do this in order to mock his situation. Then there it was, right above 'Modern Day Architecture; 1-12', through the cracks of the sequential volumes, he saw her face. A few rows down, she was there, radiant in coming into view.

More than anything he wanted to approach her, but then a dark cloud settled on his ray of hope as the same young man from the coffee shop came into line of sight. Interacting in a similar way, he would say something that would bring out a giggle on her part, and she would playfully slap him on the chest. Their chemistry seemed to be undeniable, and this time Ryan couldn't help but turn away, unable to watch further. But he was always happy when Marissa was happy, and it's for this reason he became torn as to how he felt about all this.

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Her laughter died as she tried to regain composure of herself, "Anyway, I'm going to head home. See you soon?"

Ethan smiled back at her, "Yeah, you bet, see you soon." He replied as he grabbed her books for her off the shelf and handed them to her.

Marissa took another breath, "I don't think this study partner thing is working out, we weren't at all constructive."

"Maybe you weren't, I got some stuff done." He said mocking her as he grinned.

"Yeah, yeah" she rolled her eyes. "Okay, I'm going, talk to you later." She finished as she made her way to walk out of the aisle and he gave her a small salute off.

She walked down the clear-way, passed the study desks, and the studious learners. In passing, out from the corner of her eye she caught a glimpse of a lone figure that had been standing with his back turned from her position, facing a large wall of readings for industrial design. Marissa stood there in silence just watching him for a moment before she would make her approach. A wide smile overcame her at the sight of Ryan, she had actually wanted to catch up, but hadn't managed to contact him as yet. It was a welcomed coincidence that he happened to be there, so as she lightly stepped towards him with his back still turned, inches away, she placed both her hands and covered his eyes trying her hardest to be silent.

"Guess who?" She whispered softly.

Upon feeling the touch he knew so well, a smile appeared on his face as it was still covered. Inhaling her fragrance brought him into a euphoric experience, he was almost speechless.

Letting go of him, he turned around as they greeted each other in the fashion they knew so well and have practiced numerous times.

"Hey..." Marissa said as she tipped her head to one side shyly.

"Hey..."

&&&

"I didn't really get a chance to talk to you the other night."

He looked to the ground and then back up at her, "Yeah, it was kind of…all over the place." He said for a lack of anything better to say.

Marissa bit her lip a little hesitant, they hadn't spoken to each other one on one in close proximities in a while, and she felt like some sort of amateur. No longer running from him she took the first step to get their friendship back on track. "I uh…I'm finished for the day, I was thinking, if you're not busy…"

"No, no, I'm not busy", he replied a little too quickly to jump at the opportunity of spending some time with her again to get a chance to talk.

There was a brief silence until an idea had entered her mind, "I want to take you somewhere…"

Responding with his half lit smile, "…you want to take me somewhere?" He asked a little disbelievingly.

"Yeah Atwood, I do. Got a problem with that?" She said with her smile widening as they quickly fell back into the rhythms of a relationship that had been working for them so well in the past.

Raising both arms giving in, "Hey, you want to take me somewhere, that's fine with me. But I do have the car here, so…"

"That's okay, I'll go with you to drop it off at your place, and we'll go from there."

Picking up his belongings from the floor he swung his bag over his shoulder then took the initiative and grabbed the books out of her hand which she appreciated. "How chivalrous of you…" She said sarcastically.

"Hey well you know, chivalry is my middle name."

"Ryan-Chivalry-Atwood…You know I just don't see it." She giggled out loud as she mocked him.

"Oh you don't huh…" He said with a mischievous smile forming as he wrapped an arm around her neck and ruffling her hair as she shrieked and was filled with laughter; one of their fellow students having to shush them from a distance for disturbing the solemnity.

They took that as their cue to proceed and make an exit out of the building, walking out into the winter breeze as the sunlight dawned on their bodies. Together they walked in silence, keeping their thoughts to themselves with occasional glances over at each other, as each step they took was reflective of the small paces they would take in repairing a fraying relationship they both had a hand in letting it go astray.

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"I didn't even know you still came here." Ryan said astounded as he stood on a mount and looked at the same waters, the same bridge, the same panoramic vision as they did when they had toured the city together; easily a month ago now if not more. Marissa shut the boot of her car as she clutched a tartan picnic rug and laid it out on the soft grass.

"Yeah, I come here every now and again. I even have my own picnic rug, see…" She said as she fluttered out her right arm showcasing the item like women in game shows.

"Yeah I see that; very nice." He replied.

She slid off her ballet flats and sat cross-legged on the mat, patting the spot beside her for him to join her and he willingly obliged. They sat there for a moment, Marissa focusing on a butterfly that had settled on a daisy then beginning to swerve in and out like a figure skater through the tall stemmed dandelions. Both of them were carrying around with them questions, answers, it was deciding what to ask or choose what to answer that was the problem. Revealing too much or too little catalyses a chain reaction in how the rest of their conversation will play out. One question triggers another, then another, and if answered truthfully there's the chance it will upset the other, and if answered with a lie, it may just upset the balance in future and come back to haunt them.

She rubbed her arms trying to warm herself up from the cold air.

"Cold?" He asked.

She smiled, "I'm okay."

Instead of starting with a question, she provided an answer, "Ethan and I, just met…" She said amidst the silence as she stared out into a passing sailboat.

Taken aback at first with her choice of words he brought his knees up toward him to rest his arms on his caps. "…So I've heard", then, nothing other than the sound of a cicada gracing the air once more. Ryan wasn't sure if the next words would say would cause him to be disappointed or relieved.

"We're not dating, we're just friends." Marissa continued softly

Relief.

She picked up a small flower as she ran the petals through her fingers, feeling its velvety texture. His insides that had been suspended, now released some tension, but waited for the next thing she would say in great eagerness.

"He's a good guy. I mean, I just met him, but I think he's a good guy." She said sincerely with a sparkle in her eye and a small smile she kept to herself.

Ryan just continued to listen like a good friend would, but underneath it all, he wasn't at all sure he wanted her to continue anymore. Hearing the pro's of another guy that was in all likeliness after her heart, felt like a needle into his own with every positive thing she said about him.

"We actually met here…" Marissa began as she would then to continue and speak of the recent fond memory. "…Saturday actually, that afternoon."

Taking a look around where he had been sitting, as if trying to find something, studying parts of the luscious earth and feeling as if he had trodden on sacred ground.

She noticed this immediately, "…not here exactly", with a slight laugh. "Usually I would come here just to clear my head, highlight some notes, or just enjoy the view. But that day I actually decided I'd take a walk for once, and found my way to the bridge."

She sighed, "It's really quite stupid when you say it out loud, but I walked a couple hundred feet out and looked down, I just felt overwhelmed you know, the thought of being so small in a vast world, and I just got emotional, started tearing up like an idiot…" Marissa continued slightly laughing at the thought of how she must've looked, while Ryan's face was overcome with concern as she revised events with him that seemed to stem with sadness. "Ethan just happened to be out on a walk, saw me crying, crying girl looking down from a bridge, you can guess what happened. But he ran toward me, waving his hands like an insane person…" Marissa pressed on as a similar glint in her eyes appeared.

Ryan began feeling uncomfortable reliving events of how Marissa and another man met. It was slowly tearing away at him as he tried his best to conceal his feelings. Deep down he wanted to know, he was curious and she had been openly telling him what he wanted to find out without having being asked. But without knowing it would eat away at him, it's just that in knowing, there was no arguing with the truth, he couldn't gloss over it with his imagination and pretend it was never there, which scared him.

"He thought I was going to jump, from there he just introduced himself. We went back to have coffee, talked for the afternoon, and met up again to go to the club. Met up a couple times since Saturday, he's called, you know, the usual. But yeah…I think he's a good guy", Marissa ending her little story as she left it there for Ryan to imagine how they must've hit it off.

Ryan sat there, feeling jealous; jealous of how someone could just come from nowhere and have an effect on her. The bright perfect weather was in now way reflecting how he felt. "Why are you…why are you telling me this?" He asked a little unsure, with his voice slightly shaky as it had been he first thing he said in a short while.

Marissa took a deep breath as even she was unsure of why she felt she was telling him all this, but persevered, "Because I want to be honest with you…and I think if I should be honest with anyone, it should be you…"

Ryan bit his lip and nodded, "Are you going to keep seeing him?"

"I don't know, I'll continue seeing him as a friend, I'm not sure if I want it to go further." She said earnestly and then paused for a second. "I want to tell you something…"

"Okay?" Ryan replied with uncertainty as to where this discussion was heading.

"When we decided a long time ago we'd take a break, I agreed, and that if we met people, or found someone else we'd understand. When you moved in with Sarah I was scared…I really was, its stupid I know, but I think even you knew I was scared. Scared of change, scared I would lose you, maybe not to her, but to just…anyone really." Marissa stopped to look at him, focusing on only each he tried to read into her, but what he had always been sure of was no longer there, he couldn't guess what she'd say next, he couldn't understand what was hidden between the lines, and it was paining him with every word she said that he couldn't anticipate. Almost like she was different, not bad different, just different, unable to read into her like he used to.

"I'm sorry…" She said, barely above a whisper.

"What for?"

"Not keeping my end of the bargain. I've seen you with Sarah, just the natural way you guys are when you're around each other. I said I'd be okay with it if we met new people, and even in that, I was jealous, I really was. I wasn't happy, I was holding on, unable to let go."

Ryan couldn't at all believe what he was hearing, were these words really coming from her; all this time, with no idea as to how she felt. "Sarah and I are just-"

"-friends, I know, but it's the idea behind it, and I decided I'm not going to fight this. I'm not meant to fight this. No matter how hard you try you'll never beat what's meant to be. I can honestly say now, I'm really okay with all this. You're friendship is important to me…you're important to me."

"Marissa, what are you saying?" His eyes were preparing themselves to well up as his face suddenly became flushed in the winter air.

"This isn't anything to do with Ethan, because I decided this before even meeting him, but if we meet other people, I want us to be able to talk about it. Be the first ones to tell each other when we have good news, talk about our bad days, our good days, talk about our relationships, be happy for each other, no matter what that means…It's what you wanted, and I think…its what I want too."

He nodded, like he understood and so Marissa took his hand in hers and stroked the side of it with her index finger. He was trying to comprehend everything he just heard and was at a loss for words.

"I'm always going to love you, you know…" She said as she leant her head upon his shoulder as a tear had no choice but to make its way down her cheek, and he removed his hand from her grasp and took his arm, wrapping it around her and drawing her into him.

"Me too…"

…and there it was. It was like she was letting him go. Letting him go before he even had a proper chance to get back into her life the way he should be. But he knew it was his fault, he had his chances, he just chose not to take them, thinking she would always be there. Marissa sat there, close to him as she could be, but he felt like she couldn't have been any further from him. She was moving on, just like they said they would, just when he wanted to find her, she was no longer there to be found.

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	14. The Epiphany

A/N I'm so sorry this took so long to be updated, I hope there's people still reading and up for reviewing. Thanks all.

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"Glad it's over?"

"Absolutely; how do you think you went with yours?"

Summer thought for a moment, "Pretty good…I hope. Thanks for offering to give me a ride home. I'll just be a minute." Summer said as Ryan followed her into the Design building early in the afternoon. It was their last day of grueling trials. The two of them had both met up just after leaving their respective exams that assess how well they've applied themselves and paid attention all fall. "Seth and Marissa won't finish their last one until a lot later, so he's got my car."

"Yeah don't even worry about it." Ryan replied as he trailed behind her as she entered one of her regular classrooms that were full of mounted photography work.

Summer walked over to a cupboard in the far corner and began sifting through projects in search for her own pieces and began piling them up, as Ryan took a seat behind her at a desk and brought her work closer to him. "Do you mind?" He asked, before he continued to browse.

She turned around quickly to see what he'd been referring to, "Oh, not at all…" she answered as she turned back to get on with her search.

Ryan began scanning through photographs she had taken that were carefully laid out in a display folder. Cautiously he turned each page as he studied one photo after another. Portraits of strangers, as the shutter would try and capture in one split second; who they are, how they were feeling; lines on their faces that represent roads they've traveled, smiles on their faces that indicate joy in their lives.

"These are amazing", Ryan said quietly, greatly impressed by this talent Summer had to capture life at its best.

Summer turned back to the table carrying another pile of her work and set it down and began organizing it to give it some sort of order. "Thanks Chino, that's sweet of you." She smiled appreciatively at his compliment.

Ryan kept browsing through her work and grabbed another folder. It was people he knew. There was Seth, standing in a courtyard, rugged up in a woolen bomber jacket holding an umbrella as the rain bucketed down; looking to no one in particular, but as if he were waiting for someone to come.

"What's Seth doing?" He asked, curiously.

Summer looked over to the photo he'd been looking at, "Oh, he's waiting for me to come out of class." She said casually.

Ryan furrowed his eyebrows, "but you're right there taking his photo…"

"Oh he didn't know I took that. I was hiding."

"Why?" Ryan wondered a little unsure.

"I do that sometimes…."

"Do what?"

"Take photographs when people aren't looking." She said, nonchalant.

"That's kind of uh…scary. Like stalker-scary." He smiled

Summer slapped him on the arm good-naturedly, "No it's not. I only do it to my friends."

"Oh, that makes it not scary." Ryan said sarcastically. "I like them though…" he said referring to more of her photographs, "you've really got a knack for this, they're great"

"Yeah, I love doing the portraits, but I also enjoy taking the photos when they're not watching. When they don't feel like they're being put on display and you just capture someone just as they are; not posing, not feeling self conscious, totally unprepared and unknowing…"

Upon flipping over he opened to a photograph of a familiar figure; his own. It was taken outside of the cafe Marissa worked. He was standing there facing east in complete stillness and the people that brushed past him headed west were all a blur. The Ryan in that photo looked lost, lonely, longing for someone who seemed they were yet to arrive; the black and white image really was quite remarkable. Ryan couldn't believe what he saw, it was that Sunday where he went over to talk to Marissa, but Ethan had gotten there first. Looking into that photograph he remembered the day well. "How'd you get this?"

She set down a piece of work she had been holding and once again looked over at what shot he was focusing on and bit her lip. "I was there…that day…across the street. I was really just after action shots you know, just everyday kind of street scenes, but then I saw you."

"You saw everything…" He said rather confounded that someone had been watching him without his knowledge.

"If everything means, did I see Marissa leave with Ethan…then I guess so." Summer said giving a half smile with an empathetic look in her eyes. She paused briefly before asking, "…why didn't you just call out to her that day? You were there to talk to her weren't you?"

Ryan sighed, "I don't know, she was kind of, preoccupied…"

Summer just nodded knowing exactly what he had meant. Turning over another leaf there she was, as beautiful as she was in all her simplicity. He knew that spot, it was where Marissa had taken him that one afternoon. It was a close up. The suns rays glowing behind her as she held up a dandelion in front her face and Summer had captured the exact moment she had blown its delicate strands away; the wind carrying it into the air and swirling around her, glistening in the light like a blessing from heaven. Getting caught up in the romanticism of it all, he almost forgot the blunt realities, but the powers that be had sent him back into his place as he turned one more page; the extended version of the same photograph he'd just been looking at. It was Ethan. No matter where he went it felt like he couldn't escape this guy. No matter what he did or where he went there he was, and there'd she been right beside her. As she blew out the dandelion, he stood adjacent to her, blowing each strand causing it to swirl magically around her.

Summer took a glimpse at what he was now giving his undivided attention to, "I took that a few days ago…She invited me to go with them, have lunch…"

"Did they know you took it?"

"They knew I was taking photos, they didn't know I took that one, no…"

So what did that mean? That they need not pose, but they just naturally looked amazing together and their chemistry easily transcended into this tangible object. "They look…great together…" He said softly.

Summer took a seat by him and said somberly, "You don't honestly believe that do you?"

"They do, don't they?" He aimed at Summer, rhetorically.

"Yeah they do." She said honestly, a little too blunt which he didn't at all expect.

"That was…"

"Well do you want me to lie?"

Ryan took a deep breath, "It's probably best anyway…"

"…and you know what's best?" She asked. "They're just friends."

"Everyone keeps saying that…but it's not what it seems like." Ryan replied shaking his head.

"Like you and Sarah seem like you're just friends?" Summer said frankly, wanting to get her thoughts on this subject out into the open, but letting her words slip in the moment.

"What does that mean?" He said taken aback.

Summer looked him straight in the eyes, "It means things aren't always as they seem."

"She's moving on…any guy would be an idiot, not to want to be with her."

"Like you?" Summer offered him a small smile as he looked up and stared back at her. "She's trying…but I don't see it working out for them. I know her, she's my best friend." Summer said plainly. "She still loves you."

"It's hard…you know…seeing them together."

"It was hard for her too I've seen how you are with Sarah, so has Marissa. If you don't know what I mean then I think you need to think about that, and if I were you, I'd go back and re-trace your steps to find out where you went wrong…" Summer said, gravely.

Ryan ran his fingers through his hair and stared back into her photograph, "It's too late…she loves me as her friend-"

He began but Summer had cut his line short, "I don't think I need to tell you, Seth and I are like your biggest supporters, we'd love nothing more than to see you two happy. But lately, now don't get me wrong because I believe you're meant to be together, but I think she deserves to be happy, even if right now it means she's not with you."

Ryan reading into Summer's expression lost for words at her truth.

"Then again like I said, I know her. She will love you; the only way Marissa knows how to love you." Summer finished laying it out clearly on the table for him.

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On the drive home, in parking his car, getting through the door, heavily walking up the stairs, Ryan thought about every word Summer had said. Her last words in particular were the ones that had been simmering in his thoughts most. Trying to make sense of everything that had gone on and attempting to piece together the vague signals that Summer had tried to instil into his system; her words about Sarah, her answers about Marissa. It was like being caught up in a fog, everything was a haze. Even after all this, he still wasn't sure as to how he felt about anything. Was he only after Marissa just so someone else couldn't get to her instead? If that were the case, then it wouldn't be fair to make false declarations if he wasn't absolutely sure.

In entering the apartment, it was eerily quiet. Setting his keys down he heard a soft sound that had been stemming from a nearby place. He paused for a moment before he heard soft whimpers that were coming from Sarah's room. Cautiously, he walked over and leant his head towards her door before knocking softly.

"Sarah?" He asked warily.

"Yeah?" She said softly, trying to hide her sadness.

"Are you okay?"

The door clicked open, and a tear-stained Sarah stood by the doorway, "Roy left me…"

Ryan sighed in sympathy, "he didn't deserve you…"

Sarah walked back to sitting cross legged on the edge of her bed, leaving the door open for Ryan to come in. He walked in and sat beside her. "I don't even know what happened, got into this fight, but what's new right? He just left me, said he didn't want to see me ever again. That's that."

"Sarah, you don't need him, if he can't appreciate you, then he doesn't deserve you…" He said softly as in the split second afterwards, the words he just spoke had managed to slice its way into his own situation with Marissa.

"He had his flaws, but he had his moments…"

"You'll be okay…Life will go on" Ryan replied, trying to find her words of comfort.

The salted teardrops continued to roll down her flushed complexion. "He's all I've known, for so long…I don't have anyone else…"

Ryan turned and faced her with concern brought through his gaze, "Hey…that's not true…you have me." He said as he brought his hands toward her face and brushed back a loose strand of hair.

Upon his touch she shuddered. Unlike Roy, he was gentle. His hands rough but he was tender. She looked into his eyes and it was like watching a timid ocean. They just stared into each other for a brief moment, letting the silence fill the room like a container. She felt safe with him, knowing he could do know harm, and she found herself attracted. His subtleties drew her further into him unintentionally. She needed someone, someone to hold her and care for her like no one else had. Being in Ryan's presence like this was all new territory; she'd never been so close to someone with such innocence and no intentions of forcing her to do anything she didn't want to. Suddenly, she found herself drawing herself further toward him, leaning in and brushing her lips against him. He couldn't respond, she persisted and sat there letting her soft lips glide, until reality had kicked in and he quickly moved his head backward.

"Sarah…" He said at a loss.

She looked down a little embarrassed and drew her eyes back upon him, "I'm…I'm sorry", she stuttered out. "I just…I thought…" obviously reading his intentions completely wrong.

"I'm sorry…I just meant…" He took a deep breath. "We're friends, right?"

She replied trying to salvage some dignity, "Yeah…I'm sorry…with everything…I'm sorry…I think I just got caught up…"

Ryan decided to let it go, knowing that she's just going through an emotional roller-coaster and that she meant nothing by it. "look it's okay…" he said shaking his head, "…don't worry about it." He paused, "friends…"

Sarah nodded, "Of course…"

As he patted her on the shoulder before making an exit out of that unexpected situation, he had an epiphany. Grabbing his keys and drove to a place he was more often than not, likely to end up.

&&&

"Ryan, I wasn't expecting you…" Marissa said with a smile on her face as Ryan stood by her doorway.

"Hey, I was wondering if you were busy…" He said with relief that she had been home.

"Marissa, it's starting…" A male voice from inside was calling out to her.

Ryan gave her a curious look.

"Ethan's here…we're just…watching a movie." She said quietly, "…but you're welcome to join us." Marissa added quickly to try and be polite.

The look on Ryan's face quickly fell and tried to save himself by quickly washing it over with an unperturbed expression, "No…it's okay, I was just in the neighborhood. I'll uh…I'll talk to you soon." He said as he turned away from her and began walking off.

It was obvious to her something had been wrong and she attempted to call out to him, but he pretended he hadn't heard and kept on walking. She rushed back inside with a vacant expression on her face and Ethan turned to see what the hold up was.

"Are you okay?" He asked with slight confusion.

"Yeah…actually no…it was Ryan, he seemed troubled, I wanted to talk to him but he walked off." She said as her forehead wrinkled.

"How do you know?"

"I just…I could tell…" she considered going after him and stayed silent for a moment contemplating if she should.

"…its okay, I'll wait" Ethan answered for her making it easier as he gave her an understanding smile which she was thankful for.

"Thank you. I'll be back soon, I promise." Marissa answered as she gave him a friendly peck on the cheek and brought her car keys just in case and walked quickly out the door and increased her speed to try and catch up to him."

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	15. The Broken Departed

A/N I'm so terribly sorry for anyone who is still reading this. I'd been away and whole bunch of other things happened with my computer so that's why this has come so late. Last we left off Ryan had gone over to Marissa's to talk after having his epiphany, only to fine Ethan there with her and he decides to leave quietly and we go from there...

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Marissa dashed out of the dorm room and headed for the elevator at almost a jogs pace. Turning the corner, an elevator door had just closed on her and was on its way down. Quickly she pushed the button, calling for another lift. Running her fingers through her hair she tugged at it in frustration, trying to ease the tension that was building up. The look on his face as he left, gave her enough reason to be anxious, and each second she waited, was another second he would get closer to being gone. Aimlessly, she wondered if it had been wiser to change directions and take the stairs, but it was too late. A bell went off and gave Marissa hope. She stepped hurriedly into the lift, taming the vertigo as she let the unit transport her to the ground floor.

The cold stainless steel opened, letting him out. Passing strangers going about their routines, he pulled back the wooden double doors and stepped out of the building and dragged himself through the crisp night air. Thick clouds blanketed the sky and fought to keep the moon stay hidden. After leaving Sarah's room, it was there he knew what he had wanted. He had been denying the truth about his feelings for Marissa, keeping it hidden and glazing over it like it weren't there, trying to move on like it would've been the easiest thing in the world to do. They were working as friends, he had managed to delude himself for a while that his life would continue like clockwork and he would function just fine without her. But just fine was just that. Like he told Sarah, life would go on, but heart-stopping, memorable moments would never be built upon 'just fines'. He couldn't go back. He didn't want to go home. The one person he needed the most at that moment was most likely sitting comfortably on a sofa watching her favourite film in the company of his replacement. Turning the key in the ignition he drove away into nothingness, leaving no signs of where he may be headed next.

_"You still love her, and not just 'you're my brother', or 'you're my friend so I love you' kind of love, you love her 'cause well, because she's Marissa…"_

The red lights of the Rover became a streaming blur as her deep strides were only enough to catch him as the wheels turned to carry him off in the opposite direction. Without warrant she made an unprepared dash to the residents parking and backed her car out in hopes she would be successful in finding him once on the road. She had no idea why it was so important to her to go after him this time. There was nothing for her to explain. No apologies to be made. But yet she couldn't let him go. That's all it ever came down to. Marissa never really could let him go. A part of him was always bound to remain with her. Ryan's car exited the university gates. She kept her distance as she proceeded to follow, wondering where this car ride would take her. From the corner of her eye the illuminated street lamps passed by like floating dancers, the shadows created by signposts like a puppet show, acted out on her windows.

He crossed the bridge into San Francisco. Stopping at a set of lights as the beautiful people around him with smiles on their faces, would inadvertently ridicule his state. But one girl, out in the distance, she sat alone by a bus stop with a morbid expression on her face. He couldn't help but wonder what her story was. Where she'd come from, where she was going. Why the look on her face. Was she feeling just as bad as he was? A lover lost, or still hoping to be found; he wondered. The lights change hues and its time to move on. As he drives through the hilled pathways, he thinks of her; pines for her and wonders what he's meant to do without her. Contemplates on the time wasted and wishes he could revise the choices he's made. If he could go back to certain forks in the road he would go the other direction. Ryan comes to a stop and switches off the engine and steps out.

His car is parked and the lights switch off, he steps out and she parks her own vehicle at a distance. Marissa watches him as he stands alone in the dim light, looking out into calm waters. He places his hands into his jean pockets as he stares out into the bright city lights. What made him go back to this spot she had no idea. Carefully she closed her door and spent the next few minutes as a silent observer; knowing now that something wasn't right if he had to have come here. She walked toward him, looking so vulnerable and wanting nothing more than reach out to him. But she didn't have to.

With his back turned and still setting his sights on the travellers passing the burnt orange thoroughfare, he feels her presence, "I wouldn't have guessed you followed me." He says softly, as she is slightly startled he knew she were there.

"You left in a hurry." She said plainly with a smile on her face and his back still turned.

"You were in the middle of something…" Ryan replied with no expression, still unable to face her.

Marissa brought herself by his side and folded her arms to help shield the cold. "I invited you in…"

"I wasn't really up for a movie." He said softly while turning his head and staring deep into her eyes.

"…of course not…." She said knowingly as the sea breeze carried over the mount, brushed back her wavy hair.

He took a seat on the fresh earth, "I've been doing some thinking."

"Oh?" Innocently she asked, as she followed suit and sat down with him.

"I've always been trying to do what's best you know. Fooling myself; into believing I know what I'm meant to do…but the truth is I don't. I don't always make the right choices."

Marissa bit her lip and continued to listen.

"I thought I could do it you know…but I can't" It was like their roles were now reversed, it was his turn to do the talking as she listened on the mount, staring back at him as his eyes were fixed on the nature that was around him. She had no idea what was going through his mind, she could barely understand what he would be concluding to, so she did what she could and waited for whatever else he would say.

"Sarah tried to kiss me tonight..." At this, Marissa's ears perked up and she was expressionless and hoped Ryan would tell her more. "I pulled away…she just broke up with Roy, I think she just got caught up, maybe…I pulled away and when I walked out of there I realised something I should've always know. Or maybe always known but tried so hard to keep it hidden…I love you...but I can't watch you…" He could feel the world move in slow motion and he struggled to find the words to continue; his palette becoming heavy and his mind running in circles. "I can't watch you…I can't be around you, if you decide to be with Ethan, I don't know if I can just sit there as someone tries to find a way into your life, and I know that might be selfish-"

She couldn't at all believe what she was hearing, on one end of the scale he was finally beginning to tell her what she had been needing to know for so long; that he still wanted her. On the other… "-you're right it is selfish", she said softly to no one in particular as she stared into a void and tried to process everything in that moment. He looked at her, caught off guard by what she'd just said.

Marissa got up and turned to face him as she felt her body heat up and her head begin to ache, "It is selfish!" She spat out, with hurt in her tone. "What are you saying? That if by chance I move on, you can't stay? That it's too hard for you to keep being a friend? That's what you're saying isn't it?"

"Marissa-" He pleaded wondering where this sudden outburst was coming from.

"No!" She said firmly. "No. Okay." Tears began building up and in the dim light he saw the dews glisten from the corner of her eye and he was speechless.

"You can't do that! I watched you!" Marissa let out at almost a yell as she let her pain collapse. "I watched you! I stayed! I sat in that room, on the other side of you while you…" She said, taking a gulp of air, "I watched you with Sarah…that day we went back to your place. Then I listened to you laughing together while I stood jealous in the kitchen at thanksgiving. I stayed! I sat there and took it and said nothing…and you don't think…you don't think that was hard for me? But I'm here aren't I? Doing everything you asked of me…"

Ryan was at a complete loss as he listened to her pour herself out to him, watching her tears hit the ground as he sat there wanting to comfort her but knowing it wasn't the time.

She took a deep breath as her body began to shiver, "I stared down at you as we fell on the grass…and I thought…I thought this was it you know. I wanted nothing more than to be with you, at that moment, I thought…I felt it. Was that just me?"

_Ryan looked up at her, with her body blocking out the sun from his vision, she looked as if she was almost glowing, like gold had outlined her body. She really was his Godsend. They could feel each breath they exhaled, and as she felt his body rise and fall from taking deeper breaths, he could almost feel her heartbeat quicken its pace._

_It was there, they were both hesitant, but it was there and they both wanted it; even Ryan who had been denying her all this time, couldn't help but fall in love with her all over again as he stared up into her eyes._

He remembered and he stared down ashamed of himself. Unable to speak as he felt a pang of guilt.

_"It was hard for her too I've seen how you are with Sarah, so has Marissa. If you don't know what I mean then I think you need to think about that, and if I were you, I'd go back and re-trace your steps to find out where you went wrong…"_

That was it, where he went wrong; now piecing together everything that Marissa had been saying. "No, it wasn't just you…" He said softly as he eyes began to show his anguish.

She nodded her head, "it felt like it…and now you're going to tell me that it's too hard for you, to see that someone might actually want to be with me…because you didn't." Her cries fell freely as he fought his own tears to stay concealed. Marissa took a deep breath, "You've only decided now that this is what you want because of the fear you might not get it back…"

"That's not true." Ryan said adamant; hurt by her words and feeling worse at the thought that this is how he made her feel.

"I was afraid too, but it was either you as my friend or nothing. I chose you…I decided having you in my life whichever way was better than not having you at all. But you can't say the same now…"

Ryan was taken aback with every word that hit him right where it would affect him the most, his heart palpitations quickened. "I know it doesn't sound fair…" he said in a hoarse whisper as he quickly regretted every syllable he let out.

Rain began to fall lightly, and it became harder to distinguish the rain from the salted tears upon her face. Watching the person he loved, a step away and yet so distanced from him. He watched her, falling deeper into an abyss as he watched her whimper like a child; a child that had been angered by a world that had wronged her, but still so afraid in its entirety that it could swallow her whole if she revealled too much.

"You're right it's not fair! You can't decide that you want me when it's convenient for you…It doesn't work that way! You wanted a break and I gave it to you, I wanted nothing more than to be with you, but I did it for you!" Marissa said in desperation as she spoke louder over the drops that would hit the surface. "This is what you wanted! Now that I'm actually trying to get on with my life, that's when you decide to tell me…you're right it's selfish and it's not fair. But I know that…"

It was inevitable, tears slowly streamed from his eyes as he listened to every word she cried out. Paining him as it pained her. Wishing he could change things now more than ever, but it was too late. Their clothes becoming soaked with each passing second, standing in the rain as they released everything they had let go unspoken for so long.

Marissa took another deep breath and tried to carry out her next words, "I know life isn't fair…because if it were you would've kissed me that day as we lay there. If it were fair I wouldn't have to sit beside you a few hours later and watch you flirt with Sarah. If it were fair then I could move on with this amazing guy, who wants to be with me…but I can't. Because I'm still in love with you…and that's not just going to go away…" She stood there sobbing and he stood up meeting her gaze through their blurred vision. She ran her fingers through her hair and stared back down at the damp earth.

Ryan attempted to reach out to her, bringing his hands closer but couldn't find the right way to comfort her so he let it fall back down to his side. "Marissa…Marissa I'm sorry." He choked out, no longer knowing what to say.

"…me too." She said as her voice cracked and took one last look at him. With that she walked off into the night, back into her car; helpless as he watched her leave, unable to hold on to her and wishing she stayed, even if they had only stood in silence. Ryan now the only one left standing as the rain plummeted harder and his tears fell in motion with the storm.

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	16. The Sinking Feeling

Another delayed post, I'm so sorry…

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Marissa lay still with her hands clasped above her chest, staring into the ceiling and toying with the shadows formed upon it, making shapes and images as she thought of Ryan and the events of the night. She didn't know whether her revelations of how she'd been feeling all this time, was for the better. On one hand, she was glad he knew, but it was also because he knew, she regretted her decision to pour herself out to him. The storm was relentless and all that could be heard were the water drops hitting the surfaces and constructing its own rhythmical pattern. He loved her and he wanted to be with her, but she couldn't let him just traipse into her life how he wanted and when he wanted to. It wasn't right.

She wanted nothing more than to be by his side and embellishing in the reverie that was their relationship, but instead she was alone in the darkness, wondering where he was. Hoping he was okay and didn't stay caught up in the rain; that he was somewhere safe and warm, having just left him standing there and not looking back. At that moment, life to her felt like a forest, overwhelmed by its depth and every corner she turned would look identical to another. She was lost, carrying her weighted feelings with her and looking for a clearing. Letting her tears fall to her sides, her breathing became coarse the more she thought about him, wanting to reach out to him and fix everything that slowly began to tear at the seams. Closing her eyes letting the last of her cries spill out and hoping that rest will dissolve her problems.

&&&

For while after Marissa had already left he just sat in his car, watching the water glide effortlessly down the windscreen. If only that rain could cleanse all the guilt he felt, wash away the sadness. All he could remember were her cries, her tears while she protested. Relaying her outbursts and rewound all that she had said. All this time, he had no idea. Oblivious to her pain, making him feel like he didn't even know her; and that thought scared him even more. Ryan sat there unable to comprehend how naïve he'd been; completely unaware of how he acts when he'd been around Sarah. Where do you begin when you find out someone close to you has been harbouring all these emotions, letting it eat away at themselves as they tried to do what was right for you. Starting the engine, he fastened his seatbelt and flicked the wipers on. He drove away, further and further from the spot where they'd had their confrontation. It didn't matter how much further he had gotten, because the emotions wouldn't stay buried there. They would go with him for there was no escaping this.

On the drive home he stopped at a familiar set of lights, looking over to one side and the girl he'd seen earlier on the way had still been sitting there, the exact same place under the bus shelter. He didn't know why but he felt intrigued by her, pulled in for some reason as she sat there alone, no baggage with her, just waiting. For what, he had no idea. With no cars around him he made an impulsive decision to make a quick left turn, pulling his car and parking it in the nearest available spot. Despite the heavy rainfall he persisted and trudged through the wet weather. There she was, still unmoved, and he looked at her getting a better view of her sullen face.

He sat next to her on the opposite side hoping he wasn't scaring her, but she seemed unfazed and kept her eyes focused to the front. As he sat there, he could no longer justify his rash decision. His senses coming to him and wondering what the hell had gotten into his head that propelled him to do go over to her.

Suddenly, cutting through the frosted air she spoke without turning her head toward him, "Long night?"

He was taken aback that she had been the first of them to speak, "…you could say that."

"What's her name?" She asked perceptively. Though she might be stranger, her presumptions were on target.

"…Marissa", he said quietly.

"Don't worry she'll come around…" The brunette girl said plainly, still making no eye contact with him.

Why he suddenly felt compelled to talk to this stranger about his personal life, he had no idea why, but he figured even talking to someone who has no ties to your own life, doesn't know where you've been or where you're going is much easier than talking to your closest friend. At the end of the day a stranger will continue to pass by, whether they judge you or not doesn't really matter; having someone to talk to at that moment was enough. "I don't like my chances…"

"She'll come around."

A small smile appears on his face that she's bluntly optimistic, "…how do you figure that."

"I'm sure she loves you…I don't think if she really loved you she could ever stay away for too long." She finally faced him, quickly giving him a glance and a raise of the eyebrows. "Do you love her?"

He exhaled letting air out of his system, "…I do love her. A lot more than she probably thinks I do right now."

"Why would she think that?"

Ryan began fiddling with his fingers and staring down at the cracked pavement, "Because sometimes things I've said or done, don't really compliment how I really feel."

Without exchanging names or getting into further detail about the specifics, they continued to talk as the drops bounced off the shelter. Rain continued to fall in front of them as they watch as if it were a moving picture. Occasionally a streak of lightning would pierce through the sky and brighten up the city like a greater being would be taking photographs of their lives from a distant place. The stranger continued to ask questions and he would carelessly answer her, no matter how personal, he would tell the girl knowing it involved no repercussions.

"Is she pretty?" She persisted, innocently.

Ryan pictured her, screen shots of all the times he'd been in awe, falling into a daze and imagining her smile and the way her hair settled lightly by her shoulders. "…she's…beautiful, and so much more than she knows."

"So what are you going to do?"

"I honestly have no idea. I don't know if she wants to see me." He replied honestly.

"Just give her time…" she said offering some insight.

Speaking of time, they'd been sitting there talking for a while now and a bus was yet to arrive. He began to wonder what she'd been waiting for all this time. "Doesn't seem like anyone's coming…"

"I'm not here for the bus." She said straight-forward. "Sometimes, I just go for walks and find somewhere to think. I like it here though; watching strangers come and go. I always wonder where they've been and where they're going."

As she said that it hit a nerve; struck by the coincidence he'd been wondering the exact same thing about her. He looked to his feet and contemplated where he'd been and where he would go after this.

"Don't worry Ryan, like I said, just give her time…" The girl said softly.

Upon hearing his name, something inside him clicked; realizing he hadn't actually mentioned in their entire conversation what his name was, nor did he ask hers. He looked up suddenly to find she had no longer been sitting beside him. Peering out looking in all directions, he found no one walking on the sidewalks. Feeling uncomfortable, he almost felt like he was hallucinating or going crazy. Where had she gone, he had no idea. But he took a moment and realised he now knew where he had to go.

&&&

"Marissa, have you seen my black sweater?" Kyle called out from her bedroom as Marissa sat in the lounge.

She spooned out another portion of ice cream straight out of the container as she watched and old Meg Ryan film, with a look of longing on her face, "I saw it here in the basket. " Marissa said despondent, referring to the pile of fresh laundry near her.

Kyle came out of her room and caught sight of a hopeless Marissa sitting on the couch in her pyjama pants and her Berkeley sweatshirt, her spoon making another dig at the choc fudge. "Come on Marissa, I mean really…" Kyle rolls her eyes and walks over and takes the spoon already making another round trip to her mouth leaving Marissa's mouth gaping. "You can't sit here moping while you eat away your problems and watch When Harry met Sally. It's not going to help you." She took a breath as she figured what to say to the unmoved Marissa. "He's been calling you."

She proceeded to stare blankly into the box, "I know. I heard the messages off the machine."

"What are you going to do Marissa? Sit here all day?"

"No. I'll have bathroom breaks." She replied indifferently.

"Aren't you going to start packing? You guys are going home for Christmas aren't you?"

"I was."

"But?" Kyle asked as she dropped the spoon into the sink and placed the lid back onto the ice cream carton.

"Now I'm not…How come you're not packed?"

"I'm not going home for Christmas. In honor of my parents retiring, they've decided to whisk themselves away to Europe and visit some relatives for the holidays while they're at it. I've got some old high school friends coming here to celebrate Christmas with…Come on Marissa, what, you're not going to go home over this. You have to face him eventually, you can't ignore him…Don't you want to see your family?"

"Yeah but I'll be running into him everywhere. It's just awkward right now. I don't even know what to say after everything we've said."

"You can't ignore him." Kyle repeated once more.

The answering machine goes off once more and the light begins to flash as a message is being left. The two girls direct their attention toward it on the stand. "Marissa…it's me. I don't know if you're home or you're just screening me, but…I don't know…please just call me back when you can…" A beep ends the message.

"I just did." Marissa answered looking back up at Kyle, and her roommate just sighed at her behaviour.

&&&

"Still not answering your calls huh…"

Ryan handed the house phone back to Seth which he placed back on the stand "Did it sound like she answered my call?" Ryan asked bitterly.

"Hey, don't blame me because your ex-girlfriend doesn't want to hear you confessions of love."

"She's not my ex-girlfriend…we were on a break."

"Actually, I'm pretty sure by now you're broken up." Seth answered bluntly as he continued to fold some clothes and pack them into a large overnight bag.

Ignoring Seth's last comment, Ryan just lay sprawled out on Seth and Summer's sofa, wondering how he's going to get through to her.

"Is it time to get out the old Boyz II Men classic, again?" Seth remarks.

&&&

Marissa spent the whole day running through her DVD collection, movie after movie with the same formula. Boy meets girl. Boy loses girl. Boy gets girl back. Still in the clothes she'd slept in, she lazed about the house feeling deflated. He would continue to leave messages throughout the afternoon, and she insisted upon ignoring them, still at a loss for anything to say.

As she watches Marissa Tomei go after Robert Downey Jr. on screen, a knock at the door disrupts the moment she'd been waiting for.

"Coop! I know you're in there!" Summer yells out from the hallway.

Marissa hadn't at all been expecting her. She rushes to the door to stop her from yelling any further and disturbing the other tenants. "What're you doing here Sum?" She asks.

Summer looks her up and down at the state her best friend is in, "God, it's worse than I thought." She says as she welcomes herself in through the door.

Summer wanders around the room and gives Marissa's bedroom a quick once over, "Kyle was right. You're not packed. You're not packed even a little bit." Summer exclaims.

Kyle comes out of her bedroom on her way out with her carry bag on her arm, Marissa narrows her eyes at her and Kyle knows exactly why, "You left me no choice. I needed to get reinforcements." She said frankly and left as Marissa just shakes her head and makes her way back out to the lounge area to continue watching her movie. Summer comes back and steals the remote control away from her and switches it off to draw her attention.

"Hey!" Marissa pleads.

"What's this I hear that you don't want to come home for Christmas?" She asks, cutting to the chase.

"It's no big deal Sum." Marissa retaliates as she rubs her eyes.

"Marissa, it is a big deal. It's not the same if one of us isn't there." Summer pleaded.

Marissa understood where she was coming from, but couldn't help how she was feeling, "Summer, we're going to have to see each other a lot during this holiday season, and it's going to be just so uncomfortable."

"That's no reason to stay here and mope during Christmas."

"Sum, do you know how hard it is to even talk to him right now…You already know what happened, and…how do you even begin to fix that."

"You know he wants to talk to you. He's been at our place trying to call you all day." Summer says with a sombre look in her eyes.

"I want to talk to him. I just don't know what to say." Marissa explained.

"Say how you feel…"

"Saying how I felt is how this whole thing got so complicated."

"Believe me Coop, you and Chino were always complicated, even before you spilled your guts out."

Marissa just sighed and Summer could see she was torn. She wanted to go home, at least to see her mom, but Summer also understood where she was coming from. It wasn't that she was afraid of him, because she's proved herself in being able to confront him in the first place. It was merely she wasn't ready to face Ryan as yet, and if the whole four of them were going home it would leave her little to no choice.

"Look…as much I really want you to and think you should go, I can't force you. But I want you to be there, and I know it wouldn't be the same for Ryan if you weren't there. I just…I hope you change your mind." Summer finished tapping her lightly on the knee, hoping her best friend would just come home with them.

&&&


	17. The TakeOff

Another chapter to help make-up for the lack of updates…

&&&

Summer got home that night and walked through the door exhausted. Unsure whether her time spent that day with Marissa would result in her making the right decision. Seth walked out from the hallway with a toothbrush in hand almost ready for bed.

"Where's Ryan?" She asked, looking around the room.

"He went home a while ago…Is she coming home?" Seth asked slightly concerned knowing how distraught his brother would be if she weren't there.

"I don't know…if she's there tomorrow at the airport, then she's there, but if she's not…" Summer trailed off. "You didn't tell him did you?" Summer then said quickly.

"I should've, I mean he'll find out eventually if she doesn't."

"I know…but even though I tried talking to her, I think she needs to come on her own terms."

&&&

Throwing in the last few things he would need for the trip back home, he zipped up his luggage. Stopping suddenly as he had remembered the last important thing he would take with him. Opening his closet he reached behind a few boxes and grabbed a package. Neatly wrapped in ivory and tied off in red. Carefully he placed the item into his carry on bag, double checked he had his ticket and basic necessities and lined up his baggage by his door.

Stretching out on his bed he drew back to thoughts of her. She was everywhere now, she was inevitable and inescapable. Since that day she poured herself out; drenched in a mix of tears and rainfall. Marissa had been avoiding him, and he couldn't hold it against her as she had every right to. He couldn't expect that she be the one to reach out to him, and he would keep trying until all that was up in the air had been settled. Ryan shut his eyes and was just grateful at the thought he would finally see her tomorrow as he hoped to cross paths with her once more.

&&&

Marissa sat on her bed and looked down at the empty travel bag then to a pile of folded clothes beside her. It was a matter of just placing one inside the other but still hadn't brought herself to do it. Maybe their miles apart were better than the awkward run-ins they would have to endure. But she knew the world will always throw complexities her way. All she had to decide was if she would confront them or turn her back from it. She watched the seconds rotate around the clock face; each second pressuring her to make a decision before their scheduled flight in the morning.

&&&

The sun had come out telling all of San Francisco it was now morning. He exited the bathroom dressed and drying his damp hair with a towel, making his way to the kitchen, and found Sarah sitting at the table eating cereal.

"Good morning", she said while flicking the newspaper.

"Hey", he greeted as normal. Despite the unexpected scenario a few days ago the two of the seemingly let it pass them and carried on their lives as normal; void of any awkward aftermath.

"Aren't you meant to be leavin?"

"Yeah they'll be coming around soon. What about you? What do you plan on doing for Christmas?"

"Oh, my brother always hosts some Christmas Eve party down at the club, probably just spend it there I guess…" Sarah responded keeping her head down.

"Talk to Roy since…"

"No, it's over. Really over." She nodded.

The house phone goes of and Ryan heads to pick it up.

"…Hey…alright…alright…be down in a second." Ryan answering quickly then hanging up the phone.

"Is that you?" She asked quietly.

"Yeah that's me…" He said as he grabbed his bags. "Have a good Christmas, and take care okay?"

She gave him an uncertain smile, "I always do…safe flight." She said from the kitchen as he stood by the doorway. Giving him a small wave, he returned it and went on his way. Once he had shut it the room felt so numb and she absorbed all the loneliness that came after he'd gone.

Ryan made his way down the last few steps from the building and opened the entrance to find Seth and Summer waiting for him in the cab. The driver popped the trunk open, grabbed his belongings from him and organised it in the boot while Ryan took a spot next to Seth in the back seat.

"Ready for the Chrismukkah season back at Casa de Cohen?" Seth asked, festively; Summer rolling her eyes having already put up with his antics for the whole morning.

"Yeah did you call your parents to pick us up?"

"Sure did."

"Hey, Where's Marissa?" Having already noticed her absence the second he climbed into the taxi.

The other two beside him were still unsure how to answer that, considering they themselves had no idea, so Summer replied to the best of her abilities without skewing the truth too much, "She's probably going to meet us there", she said quickly. 'Probably' being the key word but still left a margin of chance to say 'maybe not".

Ryan shrugged it off and thought nothing more of it, while Summer looked out the window and watched this part of California pass by her, hoping every inch that Marissa would be there waiting for them. It wasn't so much that she would miss her during Christmas, because she undoubtedly would. It was more too see if the Marissa now was strong enough to keep pushing past the craziness and not let this speed bump in the road force her to run scared like it had in the past. Summer silently hoped Marissa had become better than that.

&&&

They dragged their luggage in through a set of revolving doors, Ryan kept a lookout for Marissa amongst the people pushing past to make it to their own destinations. As they checked in, the comings and goings of the people around reminded him of his conversation with that girl a few nights ago. He watched as people arrived and departed, now finding himself wonder where they were headed or where they'd come from, more and more lately; taking more interest in the everyday things before he let it pass by him completely.

"Did you try her cell?" Ryan asked now beginning to wonder more hastily why Marissa was still yet to show. His insides became to flutter, his first instinct was to hope she was okay, but the second notion passing his thoughts hoped that she hadn't decided not to come.

Summer had been stretching her neck out to get a better view of the chaos around her. In the sea of strangers, she crossed her fingers wanting to find the one familiar face she needed to be there. She flipped open her phone and speed dialled her best friend.

"You've reached Marissa, leave a message and I'll call you back. Thanks." She sighed and signaled no luck.

"Try Kyle…"

"I don't have her number stored…" Summer said helplessly.

"Maybe she slept in by accident." Seth said offering up some reasonable explanations.

Time began to pass quickly and it made Ryan more anxious by the minute. The three of them sat in row by the waiting area. Ryan sat in silence and praying she would suddenly bust through the doors and rush in. Saying she slept in as Seth said, no longer seemed like a bad idea. Summer tapped her heels contemplating when to tell Ryan that Marissa had been having doubts about coming home with them to begin with. In the back of her mind she had this paranoid feeling that if she told him too soon he'd do something drastic and try to find her. Like she told Seth, she wanted Marissa to come on her own terms, if that meant missing Christmas so she can brood over Ryan, then so be it.

The waiting game catalysed mind games in Ryan's head. He wanted her to come home with them, but now began to lose hope and realise it was because of him that she may no longer be turning up. Time continued to run out and options were minimal.

A representative made an announcement over the intercom, "Attention. United, Flight N71 to Orange County is now boarding, that's United, Flight N71 to Orange County is now boarding. Passengers, please have your tickets ready. Thank you", Said the lady as if pre-recorded.

"What are we gonna do, Marissa's still not here…" Ryan said slightly frantic, and Summer knew she finally had to fess up.

Summer bit her lip and turned to face him, "Ryan…I spoke to her yesterday…I don't think she's coming." She said cautiously.

Ryan knew what she was saying, but still couldn't process all that she'd said, "What do you mean? Why not?"

"She…changed her mind. She said with everything that's happened…" Summer again began to trail off and it was there Ryan finally understood.

Ryan had a vacant expression, "She's not coming…" he said in a dry voice.

Summer shook her head slowly, "I don't think so…"

Seth patted him on the back and encouraged him to turn around, guiding him towards the airline attendant. The three of them walked hushed and provided their tickets and walked reverently through the confined walkway to the plane. Ryan walked ahead alone and Seth and Summer looked to the front of them only to see how suddenly morbid he seemed. A uniformed stewardess greeted them and directed them to their seats. Seth helped to put Summer's carry on in the overhead compartment and they both took their seats on the left hand side of the cabin next to each other. Ryan sat alone once more in row right in front; sitting by the window and the space next to him empty where Marissa should've been. Ryan set a bag of his down in it's place that contained her present, knowing now it sat as wasted space. Seth and Summer left him to have his peace, and he used this time to look sullenly out the small window, staring into nothing as the workers passed by.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, on behalf of all the staff we would like to thank you for flying United. Once in the air you will be allowed to take them off and wander about the cabin. Drinks, coffee, and tea will be provided on the carts. But until then, for your safety, if you could please fasten your seatbelts as we will be taking off shortly. Thank you again for flying United."

Ryan and the rest of them did as instructed. He continued to look out the window without a sound. The wheels of the plane began to turn and they moved forward on the runway, once step closer to going home, once step further from the one he loved.

&&&


	18. The Flight Plan

Okay this is really long because I combined two posts in one…Please R/R

&&&

She imagines the plane is sure to be up in the air by now having taken off with one less passenger. Marissa lies awake and frozen like a decorative ornament, still and unmoved from the confines of her bed. Kyle knocks softly on her door before proceeding in with a coffee in hand and sits at the edge of her bed.

"I figured you may have had a pretty sleepless night."

Marissa gave her a warm smile for her kind offering, and finally sat up after letting the whole morning disappear. "Thanks." She said as she took the mug out of her hands.

"Obviously you decided to stay…"

"I'm a wuss." Marissa sets the coffee down on the nightstand and drops back on the bed, covering her entire self with the sheets.

"Marissa you're not a wuss…okay a little. But you have your reasons."

"I feel like this is high school all over again." She muffled out.

"Look…those old friends of mine I said were coming by, well we'll be going to a party at Sam's for Christmas, you remember Sam, right?"

"Yeah I remember…"

"…I know it won't be the same without your family and friends…" She continued sincerely, "…but you're always welcome to join us…if you ever decide you want to take your sorry ass out of this bed" Kyle laughing toward the end, as Marissa giggled under the covers and blindly aimed a pillow at her.

Marissa got herself up from under once again, "Thanks…really, it's nice of you. And you know we're not just roommates…so I will be with a friend", Marissa said genuinely.

"…Good, because I'd like to think if I'm ever in a funk and still in sweatpants hung up over a boy one day, that I can rely on you to drag my ass outta bed", both giggling, Kyle quickly gave her a pat on the shoulder and left the room. As soon as she had left her phone had gone off as Ethan's name flashed on the screen.

"Hey…"

"Hey, just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas, glad I caught you before you left to go home."

"I was…I decided not to."

"Hey, what happened?" He responded and she could clearly hear the authenticity in his voice.

"…Just…life"

"Okay…how about I pick you up; grab something for lunch, and we'll talk. If you want to, I mean, you don't have to talk, but it'd be nice if I could take you out to get something to eat at least."

"I don't know…" Marissa said, unsure.

"Well…I could beg", his smile transmitting over the line.

"You could try begging", she with a sly smile.

"I'd really rather not. It's not pretty", he said chuckling slightly. "So…I'll pick you up?"

"…Okay; half an hour", giving into him.

"Alright. Half an hour." He hung up as did she.

Marissa giving into his petitions, dragged herself out of bed and prepared to go out.

Standing in the shower she felt the warmth of each droplet embrace her. Keeping her eyes shut the water ran down finding it's own pathway down into the drain. Steam filled the room, relaxing her senses. With her eyelids shut all that reflected in her mind were thoughts of Ryan. What he may have been thinking at that moment in time as she thought of him.

&&&

Ryan watched the clouds drift past and sweep the plane as they flew high above solid ground. It wasn't a long flight back home, but time went by as if doubling up. The vacant seat next to him felt as empty as ever, knowing very well that someone should have been sitting next to him. A girl. A girl he took for granted. A girl he let slip through his grasp. A girl somewhere in Berkeley; unaware of how much he was missing her.

Seth and Summer observed him from their seats, still barely speaking a word to him since take off. They debated to each other if they should make attempts to talk to him again.

"Maybe he's sleeping…" Summer said in a hushed voice.

"You think…he is a little you know…with heights, I think he may have taken something earlier for the vertigo…he could be passed out."

"He hasn't moved in a while…"

"Yeah maybe you should check on him" Seth responded while leaning forward trying to see if Ryan was showing any signs of breathing.

"Why me?" Summer asked with her eyebrows in a knot.

"You have the aisle seat." Seth justified. "Quick pinch him."

She rolled her eyes, "I'm not going to pinch him."

"Should I kick his chair?"

"…that may work…but do it lightly fir-"

"Look, I'm awake ok. I'm fine" Ryan said sternly and interrupting her as he quickly turned around and spoke to them in between the gap of the two seats, having heard their entire conversation.

"See Summer, we just needed to talk about him to get him to react."

Ryan turned back around and the three of them settled down and falling into a silence. Seconds passed without any of them making a sound after Ryan's outburst. Moments later, Seth began tapping on the arm rests creating his own repetitious beat and bobbing his head along to the non-existent music. Ryan silently hoped he would stop as did his girlfriend beside him.

"Cohen!" Summer said sharply placing her hand over his in order to get him to stop.

Quiet again ensued as awkwardness for Seth followed, feeling the need to be pre-occupied.

"I always wondered what'd it'd be like to do it in those small airplane toilets." Seth said coming up with some from left field.

"You want to find out?" Summer replying with a straight face and expressionless.

Seth began to stutter, shocked at her being forward, "Uh…umm…are you offeri-"

"No." She cut him off before he finished his question and was about to put the headset from her iPod in her ears until she became distracted from an announcement that came from over the microphone.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we will slowly be beginning our descent, so if you could please remain close to your designated seats. Thank you."

&&&

The gorgeous pair sat amongst the outdoor seating provided by a small intimate eatery on this mild winter day with the rays glistening off the sidewalk. Having a late breakfast they both ordered that mornings' special. She sat quietly fiddling with her scrambled eggs as he just watched her toss about her food pretending to be interested in it.

"So…you want to tell me what's happened that's made you boycott Christmas with the family…more importantly, Ryan." Ethan began trying to break the stillness.

"Isn't this a little awkward for you…" Marissa wondered out loud, questioning why he would want to get into details of her and another guy.

"…and why would it be awkward, dear Marissa", He asked knowing what she was getting at.

Marissa knew what had been on her mind, but wasn't all too sure how to phrase it without sounding arrogant or making assumptions, "…well…uh…you know because maybe…you…I mean I've thought about it also…but…uh…"

"You think I like you or something?" Ethan asked with his eyebrows raised.

"…uh well, no…I mean", Marissa said now regretting the very few words she's even spoken, and went slightly red."

"Because I do like you." Ethan said softly quickly jumping in and leaning forward into her as if he were telling her a secret. He continued, "but…as much as I like you, think you're amazing, beautiful, and a long list of things…" he began trailing and she began to blush at his compliments. "…I know that you, dear girl…belong to another." He finished with a small understanding smile on his face.

She bit her lip and felt almost guilty, like as if she had led him on, and the last thing she wanted was to do that or hurt his feelings, "I'm sorry…I…I didn't mean to…I mean, if I led you on-"

"Marissa…" he said cutting her off. "…I let myself be carried away with you…I mean, it's hard not to. So I already knew in coming here that we're just friends, and if it's okay with you, I'd like to stay that way…hang out still and talk every now and then…"

She gave him a wide smile and loved the thought that she could still adopt him as a friend. You can never have enough, and she knew he quickly became someone she didn't want to lose. "I'd really like that…"

"So…are you going to tell me what's turned you into the grinch all of a sudden?" He smiled as his charm seeped through which caused her to do the same.

"I'm no grinch." She laughed before settling and speaking more seriously, "…Ryan and I have a lot of history, too much to really get into, but that night I had to step out…we said some things, exchanged words, spoke up about unresolved issues…and it's just…complicated…everything was just left up in the air."

"So with all of you going home for Christmas, you'd be afraid it'll get all awkward because you really don't know where to go from where you left off…" Ethan said insightfully.

"You're pretty perceptive for a landscape architect major." She giggled.

"I have my moments."

"What about you….what are you doing these holidays?"

"Ah…I've got family from interstate coming in. We're doing the Christmas thing at my parents' house."

"I wanted to go home…I chickened out."

"It's not too late…"

"Well around Christmas…yeah it kind of is."

"Don't you want to see him?" He asked seriously.

Without hesitation she answered, "Yeah I do."

"Is he worth doing everything you can in your power to go and see him?"

She looked down at her plate of him, taking a moment, she didn't really need to think of the answer because she already knew, "…Yeah…he is."

"Then why are you sitting here messing around with your half untouched food when you could be trying to find the next flight home?"

&&&

"Passengers, we know you could have been with any airline, so we thank you once more that you're here with us and for having chosen United. On behalf of all the crew, we would like to welcome you to Orange County, and we hope you enjoy your stay."

&&&

Marissa walked hurriedly through the door and found Kyle sitting in the living room eating Doritos and watching an old sitcom.

"Hey, how did your meet with Ethan go?" She called from her spot on the couch.

"I'm going home." Marissa stated as she zoomed in and out through the rooms of their dorm collecting bits and pieces.

"What? When did you decide this?" She asked stunned while Marissa rushed through her bedroom collecting everything she needed. Marissa walked out in a matter of minutes dragging her luggage behind her and hauling an oversized bag over her shoulder. "Wow, you pack fast."

"What? Oh no…I did this last night…in case…"

"In case..?"

Marissa just smiled, "In case I realised my mistake." Kyle smiled back at her. "Okay, now I left your present on your dresser and do not, now I'm serious, do not open it until Christmas." Marissa said sternly.

Kyle's face lit up from the unexpected surprise and quickly dashed to her room.

"Hey! I said not until Christmas."

"No, not that!" Kyle asserted as she walked back out of her room with her package and holding it up for Marissa to see that it was for her. "For when you get back, okay?" she said taking her spot on the couch once more.

Marissa grinned, "Okay."

"Do you need a ride to the airport?"

"Ethan's waiting downstairs, he offered to take me."

"Wait – Ethan?" Kyle asked a little disbelievingly.

"We're…friends…becoming good friends" Marissa said with another smile.

"Alright…good luck okay, tell me everything when you get back?"

Marissa walked over and leaned over the couch to give her quick peck on the top of her head. "Absolutely", now making her way to the door. "Have a good Christmas…" she said loudly halfway into the hall.

"You too. Have plenty of make up sex" Kyle laughed as did Marissa who just shook her head.

She took a step back in after remembering, "and if anyone calls for me, don't let them know where I've gone okay."

"Got 'cha."

Her pace quickened and she anxiously made her way out of the building, briskly walking out through a typical winter's afternoon. She felt excited, nervous at the same time. Knots tying themselves in the pit of her stomach; still having no idea what she would say when she would see him again, but knowing at least that Newport was where she needed to be. As much as she would dissect the inner workings of her relationship with Ryan, Ryan has always and would always remain the one thing she was certain about.

Ethan saw her coming from a short distance and stepped out of his car to grab her luggage. "Here, let me." He tucked away the handle and opened the trunk, fitting it neatly into the rear.

"Thanks", said Marissa gratefully as the two of them went around and climbed into the front seats.

"Got everything?"

"Yep"

"Ready?" He asked smiling and starting the car.

She inhaled one deep breath, "…as I'll ever be. But there's one thing I have to do before we go. Do you mind if we make a quick stop somewhere first? I just hope I get there in time…"

"No problem. Where to?"

&&&

'College Misfits' read a sign that Sandy had been holding up as he waited in the Arrivals section. A big grin splashed across his face as he saw the familiar faces come through the gated section. Summer excitedly took faster steps toward him as she left Seth to drag both their suitcases.

"Mr. Cohen!" She exclaimed giddily at the joy of seeing another familiar face that reminded her so much of home, and they exchanged a quick hug.

"Dad, that's so lame…" Seth said mocking Sandy's signage, letting go of the luggage as Sandy welcomed him into a fatherly embrace.

"Hey, I try." Sandy said sarcastically as he saw Ryan in tow. "Ryan, my boy…" as he grinned. Seth stepping aside and Ryan stepping forward as Sandy greeted him in a similar fashion. "College is really agreeing with you guys." Sandy continued as they then stood before him in almost a line. "You're one man down…" he said a little bewildered that Marissa hadn't been there.

Ryan's smile suddenly died and the three were contemplating in their thoughts which of them would care to explain. "She's not coming…long story…" Summer said reluctantly hoping that they could just leave it at that.

Luckily, Sandy understood this must have been a sensitive issue, so knew not to press further.

"So, where's mom?" Seth spoke up for a better change of subject.

"Ah, she's at the house putting the final touches before you guys arrived" Sandy said trying to lighten the mood. "So, shall we?" He stretched out his arm in the direction of the exit while the three of them grabbed their belongings off of the floor and smiled at the thought of being back. Letting the kids go before him, he gave Ryan a reassuring tap on the arm; obvious to the fact that Marissa's absence was very much affecting him.

Driving through winding and familiar streets, Ryan looked out into the epic houses and studied the waves crashing into shore on the opposite side. The essence of Newport came rushing back to him, but in feeling all this came the consequence of knowing how far the one person he needed really was. Deep down he was happy to be back, but there was just that one thing constantly pulling at him knowing there would still be that one thing missing before this trip back could feel complete.

After dropping Summer off at her place so she can get settled and spend time with her dad, they pulled up to the driveway of the modest Cohen mansion. Looking out through the window they felt a sensation run through them after not having seen this place in what seemed to be forever. Retrieving their luggage from the trunk and bringing it up the paved steps, the door opening up to their house, only to reveal it was trimmed with Christmas decorations and everything was sitting in place exactly how they remembered it before they left.

"Is that them?" Kirsten excitedly called out from upstairs and quickly came down to greet her two sons by the opening. Both as equally excited to see her, she enveloped them into a simultaneous embrace as she had done many times in many similar situations of comings and goings. "I've missed you two." She said with a huge smile and letting them go, reluctantly.

Seth's eyes were first drawn to the large Christmas tree that stood tall in the formal lounge right by the fireplace; completely enamored by its beauty as the colored elements hung fittingly on each branch. Kirsten could tell immediately what had been running through his mind. She came up from behind and leant against his shoulders, "I did good, huh." Kirsten said proudly.

Seth smiled widely, greatly impressed, "you did very good."

"You've taught her well son", Sandy smirked in reference to his influence on his mother to perfectly prepare Chrismukkah.

"You guys better get settled. Ryan, everything's ready for you in the pool house. Seth, I just finished changing your sheets upstairs." Kirsten said assuming her motherly role once more, which she'd been missing so much in no less than half a year.

Ryan grabbed his belongings and made his way out via the kitchen.

"I'll be in the office", Sandy said to the remainder of his family left standing there as he headed off, giving his wife a kiss on the cheek and Seth, one last pat on the back.

"So where's Summer?" Kirsten asked innocently.

"Summer's getting settled at home and she'll probably drop by tomorrow."

"I heard about Marissa from Julie. What happened?" She said tipping her head in the direction of Ryan.

"Ah, you know how they are. They'll get their act together eventually."

&&&

Ryan entered the pool house. Aside from it being cleaned, it remained completely unharmed as if he had never left. Every inch of the room reminded him of Marissa and the last time they were there together; and their last time even together was right where he stood. Memories lingered in the air, the photo of the two of them on that day at the beach still stood on his bedside. Resting his things against the wall he took a moment and sat at the edge of his bed. Taking a deep breath, he rested his shoulders on his knees and stared down at the floor. With his eyes shut or his eyes open, Marissa was all he saw; her tears, her laughter, her sadness, her beauty. In anything and everything he saw her. Their miles apart now might as well have been worlds.

Suddenly getting to his feet he reached out to the house phone, taking it off the stand; dialing a number that was so second nature to him.

&&&

Without looking at the screen, anxious she was nearing the airport. She mindlessly answered her phone, "Hello?"

"Do I make a left turn here?" Ethan asked her while driving and looking in both directions as he confronted an intersection.

She nodded toward him as she drew her attention back to the call and heard light breaths transmit through the receiver without a word being spoken, "Hello?" She asked once more and checked the screen only to find a private number, the caller hanging up in the process before she found out who it was. Marissa quickly dismissed it knowing she had something more important ahead of her.

Ethan pulled up to the drop off point and she quickly raced to grab her things from the back. She then walked back and stuck her head in the doorway of the front passenger seat, "Thank you so much for this. I can't thank you enough, you've been amazing." She said genuinely.

"Let me know how it goes okay?" He replied.

"I'll call you when I get back." She smiled and he gave her a small wave. Marissa shut the door and he swiftly pulled out of the space. Turning around she entered the terminal, desperately hoping she wasn't too late.

&&&

He hung up the phone, snapping upon hearing the familiar male voice. She had been with Ethan and this drove him to feel more anxious, knowing that his actions are what pushed her away towards another in the first place. Was giving up the answer? Keep letting her slip away from his grasp; easily as he'd been doing for so long. Ryan dialed her number once more and decided he wouldn't give up on her.

&&&

Marissa walked hurriedly through the terminal, poking her head out and skimming through the directional arrows, indicator boards, and signage until she could find what she'd been after. As she passed the sea of commuters her cell phone had gone off once more and she struggled to grab it out of her large handbag whilst still keeping an eye on the traffic of civilians she had to swivel through.

As she flipped open the unit her low-battery signal had gone off, "Hello?" Her breaths became heavier with every few strides.

"Marissa?" Ryan managed to choke out.

"Hello?" Marissa repeated once more unable to hear the caller with the loud interference on her end.

"Marissa? Marissa?" He said louder hoping she could hear him through the noise that seemed to carry from wherever she was.

She heard a faint voice and could only guess, "Ryan?"

"Yeah it's Ryan, Marissa don't hang up!" Ryan confirmed and pleaded with her.

She was elated just to be able to hear his voice, but looking around her she knew it wasn't the best time, "Ryan…I'm, I'm kind of in the middle of-"

"-No wait! Just listen, please, I just…I want to say…I love you. I need to talk to you." Ryan blurted out as he heart pumped for the whole world to hear. "I know I made a mess of things-" he continued then cut himself off, "Hello?"

Suddenly she brought the phone out in front of her to find the light had shut off and it had died on her. She cursed on the inside for the inconvenience; now desperate to know what he more he was going to say.

&&&

Ryan asked, no longer hearing a sound from her end. "Hello?" He brought his phone out in front of him only to find the call had already ended.

Had she heard it? Emotions of desperation took over his being. He tried calling her for a third time only to be greeted with her pre-recorded message. Leaving none, he set the phone back on the stand and lay himself on his bed. Closing his eyes and massaged his temples in frustration. Ryan dwelled on all possible situations, but settled on the one he was most fearful of; that he mindlessly handed her over to another man. He wanted so much that she was with him in that second. That he could hold her, apologize, and mend the paint that was peeling off the walls. But he was sitting alone in Newport, without a clue as to where the blue eyed girl could be.

&&&

"Couldn't you try another airline?" Marissa pleaded at she leant forward at a service counter.

The uniformed lady kept her focus to her monitor as she browsed the flight listings, "I'm sorry miss, but all the flights are booked. It's Christmas and the chances of you flying out before then are very slim I'm afraid."

"No, please, you have to check again." She begged with her forehead wrinkled; hope dying with every breath.

The woman at the counter quickly took a glance at the growing queue behind Marissa and sighed as she decided she would at least try once more, but the screen didn't change as much as Marissa would will it to, "I'm really sorry. Now if you would like to wait, we can put you on standby if by chance something opens up."

"Okay…Yes, yes I'll wait." She replied not knowing what else to do, knowing she hadn't many other alternatives. She gave in and walked out of the line and passed the angered commuters who had been waiting for her to finish. Taking a seat amongst the ordered rows, she sat apprehensively. The people seem to rush by her, all having somewhere else they could be as she sat submissively in the aisle with only herself and her luggage by her side. She tried to relax but the anxiety wouldn't subside and leave her system. Thinking back to Ryan she thought about what he may have wanted to say. She wanted so badly for it to be that he loved her, that he wanted to be with her once more. Hoping that what he said wasn't going to let her down, the worst situation being that he was going to let her go once more and push her into the arms of another, when all she really wanted was him. But she knew it had been her who left his calls unanswered and purposely didn't reply to any attempts he'd been making to fix the situation, and if he really were letting her go, she had no one else to blame.

The late afternoon turned into a late night, she watched the sun set and fade from her part of the earth, letting darkness have its turn and creating the backdrop for the stars to sit contrasting in the foreground. The servicemen and women had changed shifts and the cleaners had already been well into their agendas and persisted around her. The loud chatters and commotions from a few hours ago were no longer there to be heard. Everyone had left to where they had needed to be except for the faint few scattered sparingly. Marissa was one of them. She couldn't bring herself to leave in the event a miracle happened as she wouldn't be there to take advantage of it. The terminal now in slow motion pushed her to feel further exhausted. Time forced her into her limits and she kept a hand on her luggage as she began tipping her head forward and letting her eyelids drift down.

&&&

The Cohen house had gone in hibernation. Dishes had been stacked and the empty take-out containers had been disposed of, dark shadows bounced onto the walls and through the windows, and the moonlight danced off the calm surface of the infinity pool. All that was to be heard now was the faint tapping on the French doors that signaled the coming of Seth.

"Hey buddy…" Seth said buoyantly, as he stepped into the pool house; Ryan had gone back into his original brooding position straight after dinner. "So this brings back memories huh, just like old school Seth and Ryan time back in the pool house." He continued as he led his gaze around the room and gave a smile hoping Ryan would budge. "You want to talk..."

Ryan kept his eyes staring at the vacant nothingness in the air, "not so much, no."

"The parents were getting a little worried about you back there, this whole heartache thing isn't all that healthy for you, you know. You talk to Marissa yet?"

Ryan sighed keeping his answers minimal, "called her earlier…told her I loved her."

"That's great, and?" Seth's eyes opening wider.

"Her cell cut out" Ryan stated plainly.

"Cut out? Did she hear you before it did?" Seth asked growing more interested.

"I don't know; tried calling her back. It was off…I think I've officially driven her away."

"How do you figure that", Seth answered taking his place on the armchair.

Ryan's tone of voice stayed stale and monotonous throughout all his continued responses, still staring blankly and unable to bring himself to sit up, "I called earlier before that and Ethan was there saying something in the background. That's how I knew she was with him."

"They could just be hanging out. I mean, she's alone. Her closest friends are off in another part of the state. It's Chrismukkah with no one to celebrate it with; Desperate for human contact in this emotional part of year…no boyfriend…" he trailed off and began thinking to himself then spoke these thoughts aloud, "…that's actually pretty savvy on his part."

Ryan soon after glared at him unappreciative of the possibilities that Seth was unintentionally encouraging deeper into his system.

"Alright, I'll shut up now…" he said taking his queue to leave Ryan his space, "but if you need to talk…you know…" Seth finished with a small smile.

Ryan responded with a similar expression, and deep down was grateful that he had his best friend there with him. "Thanks…"

"Hey no problem…" He now took a step out of the pool house before adding, "Don't forget man, the season of Jesus and Moses…things will work out, gotta believe in the spirit."

Ryan couldn't help but laugh a little and shake his head, "Yeah, yeah."

Seth shut the door behind him. All Ryan could do know was wish. Letting sleep overcome his body he switched his lamp off and wandered off into the subconscious with thoughts of the one person he longed for; still unable to shake the feelings and images of her from his mind. He entered a deep slumber, her beauty creating bliss letting the pain of the awful truths wait another day.

&&&

Marissa woke up that morning in the same spot she had been in the previous day. Her eyes were tired still forced herself today; not giving up hope that she would get on a flight to go back home. Only managing to get a minimum amount of sleep that was distributed sparingly throughout the night, she yawned and found another sea of commuters had been coming slowly but surely in rhythmic waves. Slowly, she got up and stretched herself out of her temporary paralysis. Collecting her belongings she brought it with her to the ladies room and set her things down.

Taking a long look at her reflection she studied the girl she managed to make a mess of. She quickly made a search for her toiletries and a hairbrush so she could fix herself a little before others would occupy the restroom. As she leant forward hovering the basin she caught sight of an electrical outlet. Letting the antiseptic run through the stainless steel drain, she grabbed her cell and began recharging its life as she grabbed a brush and ran it through her hair. After waiting another ten minutes she grabbed her cell and re-charger, figuring it would have to do, and stepped out the ladies room at least the tiniest bit more awake.

Marissa sat back down in a nearby spot to where she had previously been, as a father and his son who looked of about nine, now occupied her original space. The same woman who had served her the day before was no back at her post. The brunette caught sight of her and offered an empathetic smile and shook her head, letting Marissa know there had still not been an opening.

She spent that day in the exact same motions. Watching people pass, frustrated she hadn't gotten any closer to home. She sat, waited, and would hope until someone could give her some good news.

"Marissa Cooper..?"

&&&

"Hi Mrs. Cohen, Happy Chrismukkah eve", Summer said happily at the front door.

Kirsten grew bright eyed at the sight of her and enveloped her into a warm hug, "Why thank you Summer, you look terrific", she said complimenting the small framed brunette beauty.

"Thanks. I brought these over, I thought I may as well bring them by now." She said referring to the large bag of gifts she had with her on the doorstep.

"Oh thanks Summer. Just set them down over there" Kirsten replied gesturing to toward their tree.

"The house looks amazing. I gather Seth must've been pleased."

"One could only hope. You're staying for dinner aren't you?" Kirsten asked while wrapping an arm around Summer's shoulder and leading her through the kitchen. Ryan and Seth had been wasting away in the family room with the play-station glued to their hands.

Sandy walks from the patio carrying a plate of barbequed steaks. "Summer, so good of you to join us", he smiled. "Boys…" he turned his head calling out to the drones that sat on the couch. "Ryan I need you to man the grill. Seth can you get started with the salad."

Seth looks up a little offended, "hey, how come Ryan gets to man the grill and I get stuck with salads." He says childishly.

"Seth, what does it matter?" Ryan replies brushing the issue off and rolls up the cord of his controller. Standing up he walks over and takes the now emptied plate and the pair of tongs off of Sandy.

"Cohen, your dad was just inadvertently trying to avoid a culinary disaster."

Seth follows suit, "need I remind you I became quite the barbecutionist in my brief stint as a Portland runaway.

"Here, go nuts." Ryan said sarcastically handing the utensils over to him.

"Thank you." Seth accepting and walking out with Summer shaking her head disbelievingly, behind him.

"He's really something isn't he?" Sandy smirked, while Kirsten and Ryan lightly chuckled. "I'm gonna go have a shower." With that he left Kirsten and Ryan behind to prepare the rest of the meal.

The two of them stood across each other at the kitchen workstation with their own chopping boards. Ryan picked up the fresh tomatoes while Kirsten sliced the red onions. Like any caring mother she saw how plagued her adopted son was and naturally grew in concern for him. "How was the first semester at college?" She asked easing her way into more in depth questions.

"It was…good. A lot more work than high school."

"Your new place, is everything working out with that?"

"Yeah, my roommate and I get along pretty well. We're friends. It's a good location, you know, near Seth and Summer." He answered while he now focused on chopping the cucumber.

"How do you think finals went?" She asked innocently and occasionally glancing up at him and noticed he hadn't looked up since.

"Yeah, you know, I think it went okay."

"How are you dealing with everything?" Kirsten asked solemnly.

"School is…school." He said trying to avoid getting further into detail.

"You know I wasn't talking about school."

He looked up meeting her gaze, "I know."

"I heard about this new guy, Ethan? Are they…" She faded out not really wanting to say the next word.

"…I don't know if they are."

"But you hope not, right…" She smiled. "It's okay…you can admit that."

He gave her a hint of a smile, "I can't be angry at the guy or her you know, this was entirely my doing, and I don't know how to fix it. I…I just want…I need to see her…" Ryan said, revealing a little more of what had been on his mind.

"It's not easy, waiting when the ball is in the other one's court. They leave you to consider what's going on in their thinking and it drives you insane that you want to give them what they want, but when all they want is space, you respect that, but slowly…the time apart eats away at you. When she's ready, she'll find you."

"What if she's never ready?" He said as if preparing himself for the worst.

"Then you respect her decision and try and move on", she paused, "But it's not hard to see she loves you, and rarely anyone can stray too far from the one they're meant to be with." Kirsten finished reassuringly which in turn offered up some relief inside heart that had become consumed with so many emotions.

The five of them sat at the dining table swapping stories and enjoying each other's company. Like a family reunited they laughed at each others jokes and genuinely felt the comfort that came as they felt each others presence. Ryan could see though that there was an empty space at dinner with only one that should have filled it. These thoughts of his were disrupted when the doorbell had rung. The five of them shot looks of uncertainty at each other wondering who it may have been. Ryan got up and headed for the door and used it as an excuse to get a moment to himself.

A delivery man stood in large entrance holding a medium sized parcel.

"Can I help you?" Ryan asked politely.

"Good evening", the man said courteously, "The last delivery of the night; Ryan Atwood?" he asked.

"Uh…yeah that's…me", Ryan stepped forward and answered a little wary

"Sign here please" Providing a sheet and a pen as standard protocol.

Ryan penned away his signature and took hold of box like parcel wrapped in brown paper.

"Have a good Christmas", The delivery man smiled and headed back to his truck.

"Yeah…uh…you too, thanks." Ryan said softly and closed the door. Inspecting the package carefully he found it only on his name and the Cohen address, a fragile sticker but no return label or indications of where it had come from.

&&&


	19. The Return to Sender

A/N Okay here's the next chapter I really hope you like it and will R/R. All constructive criticisms are always accepted.

&&&

Ryan walked back through into the kitchen slowly, still without having opened what he'd just received. "What's that?" Seth inquired.

Ryan looked up at the four at the table who had been watching his every move, "Uh…delivery just came for me…I don't know…" he said confused.

"I feel sorry for those FedEx guys; have to work Christmas eve and all." Summer vocalized.

"Who's it from, sweetie?" Kirsten asked.

"Not really sure. There are no details on the sender."

"Well come on, open it man." Seth encouraged unable to hide his intrigue.

"Seth!" Summer reprimanded. "He may like some privacy."

"He doesn't even know what it is or where it's from."

"Can I be excused?" Ryan asked quietly hoping to get sometime alone to consider what this may be.

"Sure kid…" Sandy answered. Ryan nodded slightly and left them all at the table walking back towards the pool house.

The table fell eerily silent after all their recent loud chatter. All of them had been curious as to what Ryan may have had with him; none more curious than Seth of course. "Maybe I should-"

"No you won't" Summer said slicing through her boyfriends attempts to interrupt his brother. "Come on Cohen, help me clear."

&&&

Walking into his room he locked the door behind him and switched light on. Sitting down on his bed he stared down at the parcel and began tearing at the brown paper. Slowly he peeled it back and was greeted with another layer of plain red wrapping paper. Without a clue he pondered the candidates who knew where he was and would even think to send him something. His mom, Trey, Theresa…still leaving the red wrapping unharmed the brown paper fell to the ground. A tag was taped on the side, as he only now noticed. A simple white tag that read 'Open me."

Curiosity had gotten the better of him and he tore open the plain metallic-red wrapping paper to reveal a branding of 'Motorola' across the front. Had he won something? He hadn't remembered entering anything. Ryan thought to himself anxious to know who would think to give him a cell phone. He held onto the box and hadn't moved from his position. He looked up and stared blankly at the television, lost in his endless wonderings until a muffled ringing sound could be heard from inside the box. He immediately shot his gaze back down, taken aback, and almost a little worried. Should he answer it?

The ringing ceased to disappear and he knew the only way to stop it was to open it. Ryan carefully pulled at the tabs on its side and lifted the box lid open. Sure enough was a brand new phone complete with its instruction manuals and extra fittings. The screen was lighting up with a private caller and he grew wary, still contemplating on whether to answer it. It was undoubtedly strange that this phone had already been set up to receive calls. Not only that, but someone had already known the number before even he did.

He gave in not wanting to be intimidated. "Hello?" Ryan asked, and his voice cracking.

The caller on the other end immediately hung up, and Ryan glared back at the fading screen. As the light died it immediately glowed in a split second, revealing an incoming message from an unknown sender.

It read, _'Who am I? Whoever you want me to be…And whenever we need to talk you always know where to find me...'_

A smile formed on his face and completely struck with disbelief. In his logical thinking, he knew only one person that this line drew relevance to. Could it be? His heart was pounding at the thought of the person he was sure this message came from. He sat motionless as too many thoughts rushed through his system; unable to grab hold of one and run with it. Without thinking he followed his instincts, leading him to a place the held a good part of their emotions embedded into its structure. Leaving everything behind, he left, unsure of what he would find, but knew it had everything to do with the one person he was looking for.

Stepping back into the main house he found the four of them had been sitting in the family room and immersed in a DVD. "Hey buddy…care for a little 'The Princess Bride', mom chose it, what can you do…" Seth said from his position on the lounge.

"Actually, I need to step out quickly. Do you mind if I borrow the car?"

"Yeah, is everything alright?" Kirsten asked on instinct.

"Yeah, I just…need to get out for a bit."

"Okay, keys are on the counter. Take care of yourself." She added.

"I will. I'll be back soon." With that, Ryan left.

"Poor guy", Sandy remarked after he'd gone well aware of Marissa's absence being an issue for him.

&&&

The night was perfect. The breeze was the right temperature he'd grown accustomed to while living there. The stars dangled in the sky as if mapping out routes on a page. It was cloudless even on this winter night and the sea could be heard from a distances as it kissed the sand. All of Ryan's rational thought had been thrown out the window. The possibilities of something happening like this were slim, but yet he felt rejuvenated by the small glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. Was she there? Was it actually possible that she would be sitting there? Was it possible that he would walk up the ramp and find her there with her dried tears as he had done so on many reclusive nights? It was nearing on impossible, but it was those words on the screen, the words only she would know and have it mean something to both of them that forced him out of that room and onto this winding road.

_Everyone, Every singer and every song…_

He came to a stop. Switching the car off he took a deep breath and looked out onto the sands where the lone lifeguard stand stood. He took a deep breath. Was this really happening? Was he really hoping to find her miraculously sitting there? Ryan got out of the car and placed the car keys in his pocket. The thin air floated past him a brought him closer and closer as he trudged through the shore. If it weren't the waves that could be heard, it was silence and nothing else. He was on the approach and only a few feet away. Butterflies flew on his insides, completely nervous as to what he may find. Keeping his head down, he waited until he was at the foot of the ramp, wondering if when he looked up he would see her beautiful face or stare at an empty tower. Ryan saw neither. What sat in her usual place was another package; wrapped up in the same metallic-red that the phone had come in.

Carefully walking up the wooden boards that creaked with his applied weight, he sat down and took hold of the small and inconspicuous item. Taking it in his hands he strategically tore the paper to find a plain velvet box. Opening it gently was another tag; again identical to the last one. It sat right on top of a beautiful watch and he was caught off guard. 'Flip me.' The tag instructed, and he did as it had suggested. He found a small note attached to the back of the cushion where the wristwatch was resting upon.

Ryan read aloud to himself_, 'Time there is so little, and I refuse to keep letting it go wasted…Do you know what we haven't done in a while?'_

Another smile appeared on his face knowing now for sure that it had been Marissa that would be behind all this. He drew his memory back to that day he spoke those words to her. They stood out on the pier looking out onto the world. After their short time a part they reignited their love with a simple gesture. Keeping her close to him he remembered what it was like to hold her. Ryan got up and took everything with him back to the car. Knowing exactly where he would go next. He didn't know how far Marissa was willing to take him, but he knew if she was at the end of the journey, there would be nothing better than that; he would follow as long as she was calling out to him to find her.

The slits in the boards under him were like previews into the waters below. The wind blew and carried the sounds from the Bait Shop they used to go to as high school teenagers not too long ago. Ryan wasn't really sure what he would find at the end of this walk but he had faith she wouldn't let him go astray. Sure enough at the end of the pier was another gift for him at the base of small light post where you could easily pass the object if you hadn't been looking for it. Walking closer he took it in his grasp and brought himself to a nearby bench. It was rather heavy, heavier than the previous two and was rather odd in shape.

Opening the third parcel with the same red wrapping, he cautiously handled a large snow globe. It was beautiful, it wasn't one of those miniscule ones you'd find with little detailing, it was ornate and it housed within its glass walls, the San Francisco bay area. Examining it further it had all the key elements within it that meant something to him. The Victorian houses along Alamo Square, the Golden Gate Bridge, the sloping streets and the trams running into the Union Square courtyards. The amount of work put into this was breathtaking. The base was an intricately carved ceramic that had been varnished. There was a small cutout section where another layer of carved scenery sat behind it.

_Everyone, Every lover who's lovers gone…_

A knob to its right with a small key had another attached tag that instructed, 'Turn me'. He wound the key a few times and soft music began to play. The layer behind the cutout section began to turn and it was like a moving image that played out the San Francisco skyline. Almost at its end, the music stopped and the ceramic city stopped turning. Right where it had stopped it revealed a small note that had been purposefully attached which was partly unfolded out through the open sector. He took hold of it and read.

_'In all the world, the one thing I'm most grateful for…is you.'_ He read on,_ 'Sometimes to find what we're looking for, we have to go back to the beginning…'_

Bringing the note and the globe with him whilst throwing out the paper in a nearby garbage can, his emotions went into overdrive at the thought of her. Walking back down to the car he headed for the last place this would take him.

He had almost expected her to be in the Cohen driveway as he arrived and parked the car, but that was too obvious. All the house lights had been off and Summer had obviously left as her dad's car was no longer there; they all must have called it an early night. In the late hour the Cohen house had gone back to sleep to wake up into a Christmas morning. With calculated steps he tried not to make a sound as he went around the side and back to where he started. The pool house light was almost identical to when he had left it, only now he could see through the pulled down curtains a small light that seemed to stream from his bedside table.

His heart was thumping and he felt tingles circling around his heart. It was now or never, and he chose now. Slowly he pushed down on the handle and guided the door open; his state of mind going into complete shock. Although he was almost expecting this, it hadn't made him anymore prepared.

She stood up and faced him, "Sorry I'm late…"

_It's a soothing delight, and it's moving my life…_

He looked at her, his heart breaking, catching sight of her tear stained face. The room was quiet and time stopped as they stood there immobile. He could hear himself breathing and his heart rate quicken as it erratically pulsated. There she was. The beautiful blonde haired girl he had fallen in love with. "You're just in time…" He said speaking the immortal words.

They both hadn't moved an inch. She began to speak upon this silent night, "I was scared…I didn't know how to face you after everything I had said and I didn't know what to say to you after everything that you had said. I ran, I turned away and for that I guess…I'm sorry." Her tears were once more beginning to form, "But I can't do it…"

'Can't' was the word that was scaring him the most right now, echoing on his insides.

"I can't run away from you."

His tensed up muscles rested and he could breathe again that she hadn't followed up her sentence with something that was sure to break his heart. "And I don't want you to." He spoke up, his voice slightly shaking.

She stood there like a meek child, "Since our argument…I was lost. I didn't know how to feel. I thought giving us some more space was what we needed, but what I really needed was already flying home to Newport."

"I was hurt, by the fact that you must've hated me so much that you couldn't even bring yourself to come home with us. But I understood." The room began to fade as he answered, with only her in his sights.

"I could never hate you. Loving you isn't a curse that I'm burdened with. I choose to love you. I want you to know that." She said as she sniffed and took a breath before continuing. "I'm sorry…for everything…for things I said…for shutting you out."

_Everyone, every sinner and every saint…_

The pieces of his heart slowly crumbling at her apologies, knowing that through all of this she was the one standing there reaching out to him; doing all she could to mend their frayed relationship, knowing that he should be the one to be in her position making the grand gestures and confessing his regrets. "Hey, I don't want you to be sorry okay…" Ryan said as he face soon felt flushed. "I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm the one that needs to be sorry. I'm sorry for letting you go, for making you think that I don't love you…because I do. Despite my actions, I love you, I'm always going to love you, and that's not just going to go away." He smiled at her through the light tears that began to stream down their faces by their own will.

She gave him a half smile as she remembered her choice of words that day in the rain. "So what do you think…Ryan and Marissa…star crossed lovers or better off just friends…"

"Destined to be together…" he finished off for her. "I don't always make the right choices, but loving you is the one thing I'm sure of. I can only hope I never make you doubt that…"

She began to cry freely at his words and through her tears kept her eyes staring back at him. He watched her and every fiber in his being wanted nothing more than to rush over to her and comfort her. So through his own tears and following his heart it led him closer to her until they were mere breaths away. He did what he could and wiped her sadness, hoping that it would lessen the hurt and the pain that resided within her.

He cupped her face and drew her eyes forth as they both stood staring into each other; fixated and becoming enraptured in only the other. Ryan held her face in that position and she closed her eyes as she shuddered at his touch.

_Everything, every picture and lick of paint…_

Opening her eyes she met his gaze as he fell into a reverie, wanting this moment to be perfect. The tension built up in between them until no longer being able to hold in what they both had been wanting so desperately.

_Everyday, every sunrise and starry night…_

Brushing his lips against hers, he waited until she responded and their physical gestures were being reciprocated. In an instant his lips burnt into hers and the passion they had held in for so long was releasing itself through the melding of their palettes. He ran his fingers through her hair as she held onto the sides of his protective arms, drawing him closer to her.

_its so cold cold yeah beautiful…_

All the harbored emotions, the anger, the sadness, the tears, were all melting away with every second. Ryan broke away and trailed kisses from her mouth, down her neck, across her collar bone and onto her shoulders.

_everybody knows that life can be wonderful…_

She pulled at his shirt and he backed off a moment for her to pull it over his head and threw it away directionless. He returned to her neck and eased the zipper down her embroidered top and took hold of its sides, pulling it up over her head and discarding of it in a similar fashion. They let their lips find each other once more as they fell back onto his bed.

_its a soothing delight…_

The room became heated and through their dried tears they stripped each other of all other materials, letting them drop to the floor. Lying enveloped in and clothed by only each other amongst the salted sweat. They became swept up into the desperate moments and in wanting only the person before them they became one as he entered her. Their bodies in smooth collision as their paces went in flux, going through the motions and professing their love to the sounds of unheard rhythms. The lights went out, and darkness fell once more from the clear skies, the two no longer lost. All was right the moment they found each other, knowing exactly where they needed to be…

_and its moving my life_

_its a soothing delight_

_and its moving my life_

_its a soothing delight_

_and its moving my life_

_its a soothing delight_

_and its moving my life…_

&&&

A/N This song was 'Play' by Flunk. I know you shouldn't be putting lyrics really so I thought I'd credit it because I really think this post in particular would just be better if I included the song I wanted for this scene.


	20. The Merry Christmas

A/N I really don't know if people still read this but here's a long overdue update. I really just don't get a chance to post on here anymore despite having quite a greater deal of the story done elsewhere. The story can be read on my online journal and if anyone's interested just leave a note or something so I can place a link in my profile or send the link back to you. So, sorry once again for somewhat having let this fall by the wayside.

&&&

The sun rose as it began peering in through the glass paneling, and as it rose he watched her. Ryan observed the serenity in her nature as she slept. Her deep breaths, the way her eyelids would occasionally flutter, her small subtle movements in response to her subconscious. He kept a hand on her side as they lay bare under the sheets. His expression was of total calm but still in awe; overwhelmed by her beauty and wanting in that moment to stay with her for as long as time would permit. Gently stroking her buttery soft skin, he let it melt at his fingertips. How he was so fortunate to be here and now, he had no idea. Looking back onto the nights events he smiled to himself, enjoying the reel that rewound itself in his mind, allowing him to reminisce and reflect on the past twelve hours.  
There was now a fine line between her dream and her reality; she slowly began to stir and surface into the latter. Opening her eyes she briefly became startled being caught off guard by Ryan staring at her.  
"Good Morning…" he said as he brought his hand up to her face and pushed a strand behind it.

She smiled as she took her turn to quickly relay all that had happened, "…morning", she said greeting him as she let her eyes drift back down, hoping he'd follow by example and go back to sleep with her. For a moment they stayed silent, "you're still staring." She stated as she felt his gaze burning in her direction.

"I'm still staring…" He conceded as he moved closer to her and rested his head at the crook of her neck and inhaled her fragrance.

Wrapping an arm across his side, she welcomed his presence and immersed herself in the comfort, warmth, and safety that came with being in his grasp. She thought to herself quickly before realizing, "…it's Christmas."

"Chrismukkah." Ryan corrected.

"Oh that's right, how could I forget." She said slightly giggling as she opened her eyes once more and he returned his head back onto the pillow in his original position. "What?" She asked innocently as he continued to observe her.

"Nothing…I…I feel like I'm supposed to…wake up soon."

"You're awake, and way to early might I add." Marissa smiled.

"How you even managed to pull off what you did…I'm amazed. You sent me all around Newport you know."

"Oh believe me, I was just as amazed. Great timing and a great deal of luck…"

"I thought you weren't coming…"

"I wasn't." She said honestly.

"What made you change your mind?"

She took a deep breath, "Well I talked to Ethan." Marissa responded as Ryan's expression slowly fell at the sound of his name. "I know what you're thinking…"

"Yeah, and what's that?" He questioned softly as he held her a little closer.

"I talked to Ethan, and he just said aloud everything I already knew…and…it just enforced further that this is where I need to be. I didn't come home because I chose to listen to him over everyone else. It's not like that..." Marissa replied trailing off. "We're friends. We know that."

Ryan just nodded understanding. "How'd you even manage to get here?" He inquired.

"He drove me to the airport that late afternoon on the day you left. It was on the way there that I got your present, well one of your presents, sent to you. It was a long shot that it would even arrive here in time, or that I would even arrive here, but I guess miracles do happen huh."

"You're living proof…"

Marissa smiled before continuing, "When you called me, I was actually at the terminal. I arrived and couldn't get a flight out with it being the holidays and all, no matter how much I pleaded, but they said they'd put me on standby in case something came up. So I waited. I didn't want to leave in case, so I stayed. I stayed at the terminal the whole night. Then by chance, late yesterday I got a flight out."

He gave her a kiss on the forehead just thankful she was there by his side. "I'm sorry…for what I said…that day…" Ryan began, "I was an idiot. But I was a scared idiot…"

She kept a look of peace on her face as she listened intently.

"I'm sorry, for...taking you for granted." He said as his gaze dropped to her chin, unable to look her in the eyes as he said that, as he lay ashamed.

Marissa ran her fingers through his hair encouraging him to look up again.

"…for thinking I can just walk in and out of your life. But I want you to know…I was just scared. I didn't want to lose you. I'm even more, sorry that it took for someone else to come into your life for me to see that." Ryan said regretfully, as he confessed his wrong doings.

"…we've both done our share to hurt each other, so let's just agree to try and learn and move past this…okay?"

"…okay" he nodded in agreement and moving forward easing his lips on to hers; becoming interwoven as they continued to express their yearning. She pulled away slowly and turned on her side with her back towards him; taking his arm and wrapping it around herself.

He held her there as if protecting her and shielding her from the cold. Ryan kissed the back of her neck; finding her hand so he could entwine his fingers with hers. "Thanks for my present…well presents…" He whispered softly. "You really didn't have to get me all that."

"I wanted to. Besides I thought you could do with a new phone. I bought myself the same one. Now we can match…" She joked with him.

"I don't even know my own phone number. You have to remind me to get my old one cancelled then." Ryan reached out to the nightstand where he had left his new cell and took it in his palm, flipping it open. "So what's your new number? I want to save it."

"No it's already in there. I took the liberty of transferring in your existing phonebook."

"Let me guess…you must be 'Love of my life', God you're so cheesy", he said laughing at her. "A simple 'Marissa' would've done. A little confident, are we?"

"Then that wouldn't be altogether accurate, would it?" She responded smiling and turned back

"No, I guess not…" Ryan simply agreed as he moved to hover over her. Electricity surged through their bodies heated as he swiftly began playfully biting the sensitive area of her neck. She wrapped her arms around him and let her eyes close to completely embrace the sensation. Moving across he met her lips once again as they remained enraptured oblivious to world that would continue to turn as they stayed in slow motion, savoring every minute.

"Ryan?" Suddenly the faint calls from Seth were flooding in from the outside accompanied by footsteps. He knocks once without waiting for a response before taking a step into the pool house. "Oh my…" Seth says stunned at the sight of the now startled Ryan and Marissa.

"Seth!" Ryan hissed as he and Marissa moved back into confined positions keeping the sheets close to themselves.

"Cohen move out of the doorway", Summer instructed unaware of reasons for the sudden halt. "Oh my…" She said with eyes wide open almost identical to Seth.

"My thoughts exactly." Seth agreed. "Oh Lord the awkwardness…"

"Marissa you have to like give me details over breakfast." Summer said excitedly forgetting the circumstances.

"You do know this sheet is the only thing keeping you from seeing us naked. So can we maybe do this later?" Ryan said bluntly.

"Oh yeah of course" Summer said quickly.

"Oh wait, aren't Kirsten and Sandy home?" Marissa remembered.

"No, they left the house early to get ready for the party tonight." Summer replied.

"Ah, what's Chrismukkah without Newport's finest."

"Seth! Seriously. Naked. Thin sheets." Ryan enforced as Marissa compressed a small laugh.

"Come on sweetie", Summer patting him on the back and leading him out and shutting the door behind them.

"They have the best timing don't they?" Ryan embarked sarcastically as he drew the sheets over their heads covering the two of them completely; enjoying another moments silence before forcing themselves out of the comfort zone.

Assorted cereal boxes stood tall on the table amongst assorted fruits and morning offerings. The four friends sat down enjoying their food as they were listening intently to Marissa's anecdote, they would occasionally comment in between and Seth would manage to throw in some unnecessary remark once in a while.

"So you sent him that package? I can't believe you did that! That is the sweetest thing…" Summer cooed after hearing about Marissa's surprise for Ryan.

"Yes that was sweet. Very minty of you Marissa", Seth patronized. "Speaking of, can we do the presents thing yet?"

"No we're doing that altogether later when everyone's here." Summer answered.

"But Chrismukkah is happening as we speak."

"What are you, five?" Ryan mocked

"Boys, I need you to bring in the rest of the groceries." Kirsten called out as she walked in carrying a couple of them herself, setting them down on the kitchen counter. "Oh, 'morning girls, Merry Christmas", she said brightly before quickly doing a double take, "Marissa."

"Hi Kirsten", she smiled shyly.

Kirsten's expression was slightly agape, "But I thought…well Julie said, and Ryan…"

"…Change of heart", Marissa said nodding sincerely whilst giving a quick glance over to Ryan.

Kirsten noticed this and gave her warm smile; intuitive enough to understand what's happened. "Does your mom know you're back yet?"

"No, I just uh…stopped here first", Marissa responded without giving away she spent the night there. "Actually, that reminds me I better be going there now."

"Fellas, we need you to help set up the yard for later." Sandy instructed as he came in with more store-bought goods. "Marissa…" He said aloud, noticing the fourth member. "But I thought-"

"-hey, so did everyone right…" Seth chimed in as he walked over to the fridge patting his dad on the shoulder.

"Well, seeing as you two are going to be busy for the rest of the day, we'll be heading off. Come on Coop, I'll give you a ride." Summer announced as she grabbed her own plate along with Seth's and brought it to the sink.

"Okay", Marissa replied also getting up and bring along her and Ryan's used dishes in a similar process to Summer's. "I'm just going to grab my luggage …" She said as she made her way out to the pool-house with Ryan right behind her.

"How did that happen? One minute he's lonely and broken hearted and the next…" Sandy began lost for words.

"Stranger things have happened." Seth concluded.

"So I'll see you tonight?" She asked in between kisses; the two of them standing in the middle of the room having found the perfect excuse just to find a few more minutes alone.

"Mhmm…" was all he managed to mumble out.

"Good, because I can't wait for my present", she said excitedly as she pulled away slightly.

"How do you know I even got you anything", he teased.

"Oh please, I already found it lying next to your suitcase last night."

"Snooping huh?" He smiled as brought his lips, pressing it against her forehead.

She giggled, "Yeah you could say that. I got bored and you were taking so long …"

"Is that right?" Ryan responded holding her closer to him and resting his chin on her shoulder. "So what else are you going to do today?"

"Well, I'll probably just hang out at my mom's until later tonight, then we'll all come back here I guess. Are you going to miss me Atwood?"

"Yeah well I'll take your company over Seth's. He's got more questions lined up I can tell."

"Summer too no doubt. I'm going to be pressed for more details in the car." She said tiredly.

"I'm really glad you decided to come home", Ryan said more seriously as he retreated from his leaning position and looked straight into her.

"Me too", sincerely, as they let their lips become entangled; shutting their eyes in a brief moment of wanting. Ryan's hands running through her back and down at her sides; becoming caught up and reluctant to let go of the temporary realm they've created for the two of them. Walking forward and guiding her towards the bed, she reached behind her to ensure the presence of the mattress, slowly making their way down to hit the soft surface; she abruptly removed herself feeling flushed. "None of that…"

"Fine…", he turned to smile at the now standing Marissa who was adjusting her shirt after having pulled out of his encircled arms. Marissa went to grab her luggage which he grabbed from her as he took her hand and they began making their way out to the driveway around the side.

In no less than a day it wasn't hard for the two of them to fall back into their old habits. Their simple gestures and their ways of behaving around each other just seemed to flow back into their systems naturally. Without a word they thought silently that maybe things would be different this time for the better.

"Your lipstick is smeared", Summer said bluntly and highly observant as soon as Marissa and Ryan came out.

Marissa's complexion soon matched her shade of gloss as she felt embarrassed as she began dabbing the area around her lips.

"Nice work Chino", Summer teased as Ryan just shook his head with a smile.

"I'll see you later", he said giving Marissa peck on the cheek after carrying her luggage into the back seat of Summer's dad's convertible.

"Come on lovebird", she instructed as Marissa climbed into the front passenger seat giving Ryan a slight wave.

Driving down the adamant sun that shone in this part of California, the two girls headed for Julie's small beachfront property. A short while after they went to college, Sandy finally returned to his legal practice as Kirsten finally decided to come back and take the reigns on the Newport Group. With that, Kirsten offered up Julie's old position as an interior designer for the firm; now allowing her to bring in a satisfying income, with it being just her now, Julie found herself an intimate place by the water leaving her old life behind. Upon Caleb's death as his wealth was divided amongst his children, he had actually left her the large manor of which was then sold. The money she keeps for a rainy day but it's clear her home isn't at all a reflection of what she's actually accumulated and saved.

"So what made you come back", Summer asked, still in keeping with their discussion of Marissa's sudden decision to come home.

"After having spoken to you firstly, Kyle, and lastly Ethan…I knew I couldn't run away from this. It wasn't time that was going to fix this you know. We, well I…had to come out and confront him if anything was going to change."

"Well good. Do you think everything's going to work out?" She asked seriously.

Marissa looked out onto the passing waves and persistent surfers tackling the current in the cold breeze. "I really don't know…"

"You don't sound too optimistic there Coop."

"I'm not being a pessimist, it's just…I want this to work, and I'm going to try my best for it to work, but sometimes things just…don't", she answered openly.

"You guys look happy…"

"What can I say, old habits die hard. Its hard not to when you love someone and you know they feel the same way. So this time around we're really going to try and stay that way…" Marissa finished as she looked back out onto the winter with silent hopes and wishful thinking.

After the girls had left, upon Sandy's orders the two of them had gotten started on setting up for the party that would be happening later that night, much to Seth's dismay.

"Now if that wasn't enough to get you believing in Chrismukkah miracles, then I don't know what will", Seth beginning to ramble. "There were no flights, she could've given up, but no, she stayed. She sent you a package, led you back to her in the pool-house…"

"Yeah she's…something…" Ryan said as he was delivered into another thought of her.

"Oh come on, that was adorable. Very hallmark and selfless of her", Seth carried on encouragingly. "Come on you can do better than that."

"She's…amazing." He pronounced sincerely.

"You didn't sound very amazed", Seth teased.

Ryan just shook his head, "it's because she's amazing that I'm worried about giving her my gift later."

Seth looked up at him and an expression of revelation span across his face, "Oh I see. You're worried that because what she got you was so good, your gift may now look inferior."

Ryan gave him a vacant expression as he stacked chairs into the tables, "yeah, something like that."

"Well you know…this is Marissa and she loves you. She'll end up loving anything you end up giving her. I mean, she'd love you even if you got her an 'I heart Ryan' shirt."

"Thanks", Ryan, sarcastically, "But it's not that bad."

"So what'd you get her then?" Seth queried.

"Boys, the outdoor tree has just arrived, would you make sure there's enough space in the corner…" Kirsten called out disrupting their flow of conversation as she gave her motherly orders, sticking her head out of the French doors.

"Alright I'll see you later Coop." Summer waved as Marissa responded similarly with her luggage by her side in the driveway as her best friend pulled out.

Marissa dragged her suitcase and lugged her bag across the long wooden decking that was dusted off in grains of white sand. The house was rendered in beige and had beautiful windows that overlooked a view that was almost created by an impressionist. She paused a moment to inhale the fresh sea driven air; seagulls taking flight as the waves pushed inward.

On the inside the older brunette sat at her work desk. Tasteful shelving that housed design manuals, and interior decorating texts. At her station lay swatch palettes and fabric samples. The woman sat there studying intently an undisclosed book of almost biblical proportions. Reading word for word her face stayed emotionless, revealing nothing in her eyes but only carefully examining what was written on those pages. A knock came at the door and she looked up bewildered; as she hadn't been expecting anyone, she quickly grabbed the book she had been reading and popped it back into her drawer. Rising from her desk she processed towards her front door.

"Hi, mom", Marissa greeted with a wide and genuine smile.

"Marissa, I had no idea", Julie welcomed her elated and pulled her into a warm hug. "I've missed you, I though you weren't coming!"

"Well, I wasn't, but I came to my senses." Marissa answered vaguely.

"Let me take a good look at you", she took a step back and gave her a good once over, examining the changes in her eldest daughter.

Julie would always have her moments. Despite their love/hate relationship they had not too far in their memories, she would remain her mother's daughter and Marissa had become more than okay with that. After the tears, the struggle, hardships, and the drama, they both eventually found respect for each other. Marissa deep down would always know that although Julie had difficulties in expressing her concerns as a mother, the good of her family was always at the heart of her intentions. Throughout Marissa's absence they still kept in touch whenever they could. They were both just glad that they were slowly repairing a bond that was in such desperate need of a make-over, brought on by the fact that they knew it was pretty much the two of them left and decided they wouldn't let themselves carry on the same way they had been.

"You look great too, mom", Marissa complimenting her sincerely as she took her turn to study the slight changes in her own flesh and blood. Her brown hair was shorter for one thing. Although her complexion was a little paler she looked radiant. While her frame a little thinner, she looked stronger.

"Hey what can I say? The single working mom thing agrees with me. So what do you think of the new place?"

"It's great", she replied looking around into the depths of the decorated spaces as she took another step further into the room that was inspired by minimalist Italian design.

"It's not quite the McMansion…but its home…"

Marissa just smiled at her and gave her another quick hug, "…its good to be home. Actually, you know I'm glad you didn't opt for a big place..."

Julie welcomed her daughters comment and smiled once again, "Well come on bring your stuff through…If I knew you were coming I would've fixed up your room or something."

"Oh that's okay I'll sort it out now…" she said as she brought her belongings down the hallway.

"So last I heard you and Ryan were having some sort of problem…" Julie began, "I take it that's not the case anymore considering you decided to come home."

Marissa set her things down and helped her mother grab some sheets from the linen closet, "we got back together actually…"

"Why doesn't that surprise me..?" She asked rhetorically.

"Mom…"

"But…you love who you love right…" Julie hinting a smile, to let her daughter know that, this time around she would be supportive.

"Thanks." Marissa said walking past her giving her a peck on the back of her head.

"So tell me what happened…"

"It's a long story…"

"Hey, I'm not going anywhere."

Marissa shook her head and grinned, "Okay…"

Round tables strewn with ivory cloths lay strategically scattered across the Cohen yard with the wooden chairs placed neatly around it. In keeping with the holiday color scheme each table was topped off with fresh red tulips with gleaming stems constructed in a perfect topiary. Waiters would rush in and out from the kitchen preparing food. Wine glasses stacked in ordered rows and miniature towers ready for the champagne to cascade like a waterfall. Glistening lights hung like heavenly stars in the dim mood lighting and lit up the temporary outdoor tree. It sealed the entire setting as its perfectly trimmed branches allowed for the reflective glass baubles in traditional reds, silvers, and whites, to be hung effortlessly off the ends.

Light tapping was heard on the pool-house door as Marissa stepped in with an empire line dress that draped her figure as it fell almost at floor length. Her light application of make-up in subtle hues promoted her already gorgeous features. Her hair swept up in a simple ponytail that fell in loose curls.

"Ryan?" She called out.

He soon stepped out from the bathroom adjusting his cuff links on the long sleeved shirt he chose to leave open-collar. Right on cue his expression became in awe as he took his first glance at his now girlfriend. "You look…"

"Wow?" She lightly chucked knowing him so well.

"No, beautiful." Ryan amended for her as he brought his arms around her waist and captured her lips utilizing his own and kissed her bare shoulders that were his for the taking.

"That's a new one", she teased.

"More like…rarely used." He smiled back at her as he pulled away to walk over to the stand and grabbed his newly given watch.

"You don't have to wear it if you don't want to."

"Of course I want to", reassuringly.

"Is it time for my present yet?"

"What happened to later when everyone's together, just like Summer said."

"That's only for Seth." She laughed.

"Really? I thought it went for you too." He paused before changing the subject, "So I missed you the rest of today, how did your visit go at your mom's?"

"It was good. She knows about us, we had a good talk and we just decided to catch up on what's been happening."

"Yeah, everything okay?"

"Everything's good. She's really changed. I mean we get along a lot better now than we used to, and it's slowly becoming that mother-daughter relationship I've always wanted." She replied walking over to him by the nightstand; embracing him from behind.

He took her by the hand and led her around in front, "I'm glad it went well. So, we have a few minutes before people start pouring themselves in…" Ryan began as a sly grin crept onto his face.

"Oh yeah, what did you have in mind Atwood?" Seductively, she asked.

Her question and tone only fueled his desires as his hands began to glaze around the silk fabric. The spaghetti strap was about to fall off her shoulder when a knock came at the door before that could happen.

"Seriously you two; is this what it's going to be like from now on", Seth fake reprimanded.

"Not if you keep walking in on us." Ryan responded unappreciatively. "What do you want Seth?"

"Well, mom and dad sent me here to just see if you were ready."

"Come on, we should head out there…" Marissa said pulling away reluctant; taking him by the hand for him to follow her out of his room.

"Smile!" Summer beamed as she kept a large camera strapped to her neck on top of her designer couture. Aiming the lens in the direction of the newly re-formed couple, the two obliged and stopped to take a photo after just stepping out. "Aw, isn't that sweet Cohen." She said as she grabbed Seth's arm and dragged him closer. Taking the camera from her neck she held it at arms length and faced it at the two of them. "Smile Seth."

Seth kissed the top of her head before smiling as the flash went off at a close range, causing their eyes to stir in its aftermath. "Yeah, I don't think we should do that anymore." He said blinking his eyes.

In the few minutes from when Marissa walked in from a vacant yard, the guests had now begun to sift through the manor; their wealth and abundance exuding from their wears. Kirsten and Sandy mingling and weaving in and out of guests with their large smiles as they slowly began to set up camp at various tables.

"Marissa…" Julie said on the move toward the four of them sitting at their own table. Marissa stood up to exchange a kiss on the cheek. "Merry Christmas everyone", she said with a smile as she exchanged greetings with the rest of them which they returned politely. She gave one last smile at Ryan, "don't worry…peace remember…" she concluded in reference to her previous years' offering, before patting her daughter on the shoulder and moving on to socialize with old friends.

"Wow", Seth breaking the silence.

"I told you she's changed. She's a lot more relaxed", Marissa smiled as she held Ryan's hand.

"I know. I thought her niceties last year were temporary. But they're obviously here to stay. " Summer remarked.

The band played in the background as the four of them pretended to be interested with the people that would come and approach them with the generic questions of how college is treating them all. Summer would get up occasionally, working with her camera, staying occupied taking photographs which afforded her the convenience of avoiding Newport socialites; Seth in tow wherever she went. As the party progressed the guests slowly worked their way into being tastefully indisposed. Marissa and Ryan had ended up being dragged off in different directions having to smile and reply politely in the bland conversations they were each caught up in.

From across the pool he stood with Sandy and his colleague discussing something as equally mind-numbing as Marissa's momentary cohorts. They couldn't help but smile at each other from a distance as they both relayed the same thoughts of wishing they could just be in each others company again.

"Would you mind excusing me for just one moment", Ryan said politely to the two men as he began walking in her direction. She followed his lead and did the same as the two met by the hired bar service.

"How are you holding up?"

"As well as anyone can put up with Newport's latest gossip on so and so's botched b.oob job", she laughed.

"Hard hitting stuff", he joked. "How about we take some time out so I can give you your present?"

"Really?"

"Yeah come on…" he said taking her by the hand and retreating back into the pool-house getaway.

Ryan led her to the bed where she sat down and he walked over to a shelf retrieving the a box wrapped in white patent finished wrapping with a simple velvet ribbon that crossed over leaving a bow in the centre. A smile destined to escape her as he came forward with his gift and her heart began to flutter just at the thought of it.

He sat down beside her, "I know that this doesn't even compare to what you did for me, and before you say anything I still plan on making that up to you…but for now…I guess…"

"Ryan…it doesn't matter what it is, it's the thought…I love you…" she said softly as she brought her hand up to the side of his cheek and leaned in to kiss him; reassuring him of how unimportant the aesthetics were. A tear couldn't help escape her and he wiped it away like he'd done a thousand times before.

"Alright, cry after you've seen it", he said playfully.

She unraveled the bow and set it aside before tearing the wrapping. Lifting the lid she opened to find a leather-encased, book like structure. Taking it out of the box she opened it up to find a simple photo album. Her heart became nervous, mirrored to a child's whose anticipation was indescribable. Turning the delicate pages were photographs she'd never seen before but a day she remembered so well. There they were having lunch, then running around on the grass in front of the postcard row of Victorian houses. Flipping another page they sat overlooking the bay and contemplating as they stared out onto the Golden Gate Bridge. Pages and pages of black and white images, sepia's, and bright colors, all drew back fond memories and made her heart race. A mix of her and Ryan that one day which spanned to the album's end. The faces, the laughter, the playfulness, the innocence, the free spirits, and the serenity; all bound within these pages.

"Where did you get these?" She said amazed and it being the first thing she'd said.

"I managed to get them through Summer…she took them…"

"Summer?" Marissa asked stunned. "How did she…"

"A little thing I found out about our dear Summer", he began "…sometimes she goes out taking photographs, action shots…stills, you know…just anything. I came across them recently and she informed me how she'd gone around San Francisco that day and after catching sight of us…and made us her days project", he said almost softly chuckling.

Marissa almost doing the same with a muted laugh, "Did you tell her that was kind of creepy."

"Absolutely…but I thought you might like them."

"I love them", she stated simply and true to her word.

"I just…I want to say…it wasn't just you. That day, I felt it too, but I was just scared and I was hesitant…but sometimes it's just scary to think you know, how much of a hold you have on me…"

Tipping her head to one she gave him an understanding crooked smile.

Flipping the page to its end lay another simple gesture. 'Wherever life takes us you'll always stay in mine…' simply written under an Elsa Peretti Open-Heart necklace from Tiffany's strung on a silver chain that was pegged flat against the backing and held in place at the center.

It was there she closed the pages becoming overwhelmed with everything he'd brought her attention to and let her salted tears of joy run slowly down her porcelain skin as she leant in to kiss him. Their lips colliding as passion took over their beings as their palettes communicated all they'd been feeling.

She exhaled, "Thank You…"

&&&


End file.
